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Original poster

Donation for friends Christmas dinner…

236 replies

CyanSnake · 06/12/2024 07:38

Received an invitation last night.

Theres a group of us 8 friends, plus partners, who meet up for Christmas dinner and drinks every year just before the big day.

Every year it is always the same friend who hosts, provides the food and cooks. We’re never asked to bring anything, although I usually take a few bottles of wine.

This year, the invite (which was sent digitally) had a note at the bottom saying they hate to ask but food and drink gets more expensive every year, so if we could donate anything toward the cost they’d be very grateful, but we’re of course welcome either way

I thought fair enough, everything is expensive now so Ive sent them through £40 with my rspv.

But I’ve been I’ve received a text this morning where another one of the group has posted saying it’s outrageous to even ask…

So what do we think?

OP posts:
DowntonFlabbie · 08/12/2024 15:54

FridayFeelingmidweek · 08/12/2024 14:10

Totally fair I think, and £40 is a fair donation (you wouldn't need to then take a bottle etc). Perhaps just say to the other person it's not unreasonably at all, and that they don't have to go.

I think it's good they've asked. Too many people get into debt this time of year trying to pull things off.

You absolutely still need to take a bottle!

Swiftie1878 · 08/12/2024 17:19

Ask the friend who thinks it’s outrageous to host next year!
Idiot.

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 08/12/2024 17:24

Absolutely fair!!! Either that or people bring different dishes 🤷🏼‍♀️

PrimoPiatti · 08/12/2024 17:41

Perfectly fair.

Sleepytiredyawn · 08/12/2024 17:48

It’s a lot of people to host. If you all took turns each year and never asked for a penny then I would think it’s a bit off, but as the same person hosts year after year (and no one else really wants to take that on) then yes, pay. Costs have gone up for everyone so for your other friend to complain is a bit shitty.

HoppityBun · 08/12/2024 17:51

I think it’s outrageous to be outraged at this reasonable request. It’s daft to be outraged because someone’s no longer providing a freebie.

StarkleLittleTwink · 08/12/2024 18:12

I think making a contribution of either food or money is perfectly reasonable under those circumstances.

DisabledDemon · 08/12/2024 18:22

I think it's more than fair to ask - it must cost her a fortune. Is the one who doesn't want to pay called Scrooge by any chance?

pinkgirl2018 · 08/12/2024 18:29

CyanSnake · 06/12/2024 07:38

Received an invitation last night.

Theres a group of us 8 friends, plus partners, who meet up for Christmas dinner and drinks every year just before the big day.

Every year it is always the same friend who hosts, provides the food and cooks. We’re never asked to bring anything, although I usually take a few bottles of wine.

This year, the invite (which was sent digitally) had a note at the bottom saying they hate to ask but food and drink gets more expensive every year, so if we could donate anything toward the cost they’d be very grateful, but we’re of course welcome either way

I thought fair enough, everything is expensive now so Ive sent them through £40 with my rspv.

But I’ve been I’ve received a text this morning where another one of the group has posted saying it’s outrageous to even ask…

So what do we think?

It’s totally fair to ask. That’s a lot of people to feed and water. Often people do it so that each couple brings something like a side, starter, main, desert wine, wines, aperitifs etc. Or you can just contribute money. But either is totally fair

Whatinthedoopla · 08/12/2024 18:59

I think it's outrageous if some people have arrived to this annual event without giving anything! How much do they think it costs to host this amount of people each year!

Pixiedust88 · 08/12/2024 19:16

We used to do this with our friends. They always hosted and everyone always either contributed to the cost or bought food for us all to have. Seemed fair to us as they used their gas and electricity and everything

JustMeAndTheFish · 08/12/2024 19:39

I think you sound like a fab guest OP and I’d be happy to host you!

Hf19 · 08/12/2024 19:41

Perfectly reasonable to ask, they’ve hosted for years without any request for help. What’s outrageous is the couple who think it’s not ok but have been happily excepting free meals for years

Scotland32 · 08/12/2024 20:06

Totally fair enough. They have basically been subbing everyone else for years and it’s true, everything is more expensive these days. If your other friends don’t like it, they can host and foot the bill!

CandyCatsHat · 08/12/2024 20:34

I think it's fair enough.

HumberstoneNJ · 08/12/2024 20:53

I think your friend has been more than kind, giving, and generous. I think it's a bit shocking that no one in the friendship group has ever thought to offer/ suggest that you all make a proper contribution before.

I'd much rather be hosted than have to host. I'd willingly pay towards this! The friend criticising sounds very unpleasant with their attitude and comments.

Coco2024 · 08/12/2024 21:04

Why did everyone think it was fine for one family to host year in year out and no one offer to contribute or take a dish etc????? Or offer to take turns to host to make it fair

Horses7 · 08/12/2024 21:18

I think your friends who are hosting are being very generous to do this every year. I’m amazed one of you guests haven’t suggested donations before now.

Horses7 · 08/12/2024 21:19

Ps I hope you still take bottles of wine as well as the £40

Lyraloo · 08/12/2024 21:26

CyanSnake · 06/12/2024 07:38

Received an invitation last night.

Theres a group of us 8 friends, plus partners, who meet up for Christmas dinner and drinks every year just before the big day.

Every year it is always the same friend who hosts, provides the food and cooks. We’re never asked to bring anything, although I usually take a few bottles of wine.

This year, the invite (which was sent digitally) had a note at the bottom saying they hate to ask but food and drink gets more expensive every year, so if we could donate anything toward the cost they’d be very grateful, but we’re of course welcome either way

I thought fair enough, everything is expensive now so Ive sent them through £40 with my rspv.

But I’ve been I’ve received a text this morning where another one of the group has posted saying it’s outrageous to even ask…

So what do we think?

I think it’s bloody rude and outrageous that none of you have thought before now that,
a. You should take a turn to host
or
b. That you should contribute to the cost

i hope your still going to take wine too, because where else’s on top of Christmas are you going to get food and drinks for £20 a head?

OrangesCinammonIvy · 08/12/2024 21:55

Op, IF your coming back, definitely ask the outraged friend to host next year.

croydon15 · 08/12/2024 22:00

BeMintBee · 06/12/2024 07:40

Hosting for 16 people of very expensive so I think it’s fair to ask. People who think it’s outrageous should perhaps host and then they might understand the costs!

This, the people complaining should instead be grateful that they have been hosted for so many years.

suzyq54 · 08/12/2024 22:02

I cooked for my family of 8 for years and could afford it so didn’t ask for any money.
My daughter is cooking this year so I’ve bought the turkey and beef as I don’t want her to have to pay for the entire cost, my son is making the roast potatoes.
So they are right to ask as everything is so expensive now. If some people are offended to be asked to pay then they shouldn’t go, their loss.

TheBluntTurtle · 08/12/2024 22:38

Absolutely everyone should chip in! It’s not just the cost of the food and drink but also all the cleaning and set up before and cleaning up after. I’d be contributing money, taking wine and then a small gift for the host as a thank you. Your friend has done you all a massive favour all these years - either you need to all take turns at hosting a year so you each host 1 in 8 years or you all need to split the costs

CrowleyKitten · 08/12/2024 23:18

CyanSnake · 06/12/2024 07:38

Received an invitation last night.

Theres a group of us 8 friends, plus partners, who meet up for Christmas dinner and drinks every year just before the big day.

Every year it is always the same friend who hosts, provides the food and cooks. We’re never asked to bring anything, although I usually take a few bottles of wine.

This year, the invite (which was sent digitally) had a note at the bottom saying they hate to ask but food and drink gets more expensive every year, so if we could donate anything toward the cost they’d be very grateful, but we’re of course welcome either way

I thought fair enough, everything is expensive now so Ive sent them through £40 with my rspv.

But I’ve been I’ve received a text this morning where another one of the group has posted saying it’s outrageous to even ask…

So what do we think?

I think it's fair for everyone to chip in. even in our family, we all do our bit. I get the cheeseboard, crackers (for cheese) condiments and crackers for the table, and I make the brussels sprouts, as everyone loves how I do them. husband clears the table and peels all the spuds. my stepdad does most of the cooking. because he makes an amazing roast. but we all do our bit.
if one person or pair is doing most of it, everyone should definitely chip in.

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