Donation for friends Christmas dinner…

[CyanSnake]

Received an invitation last night.

Theres a group of us 8 friends, plus partners, who meet up for Christmas dinner and drinks every year just before the big day.

Every year it is always the same friend who hosts, provides the food and cooks. We’re never asked to bring anything, although I usually take a few bottles of wine.

This year, the invite (which was sent digitally) had a note at the bottom saying they hate to ask but food and drink gets more expensive every year, so if we could donate anything toward the cost they’d be very grateful, but we’re of course welcome either way

I thought fair enough, everything is expensive now so Ive sent them through £40 with my rspv.

But I’ve been I’ve received a text this morning where another one of the group has posted saying it’s outrageous to even ask…

So what do we think?

I'm surprised none of you have offered a financial contribution in the past to be honest so no wonder they've finally had enough - even when I've been invited to a siblings for Xmas day I offer to pay for something eg the turkey or provide the desserts

I think you should have a quiet word with this objecting friend

I think I would respond to the friend “seems a shame to miss out but understand if you feel you can’t contribute - will miss you if you decide not to come”

I think the host handled it really well. Seems a totally reasonable thing to do

Especially as they host every year I would happily contribute. They also worded it perfectly too. Tell your other friend to pipe down, especially as the hosts already feel bad about.

I would say something like "i am happy to contribute, mortified i haven't done so in previous years" (i would not really mortified, but makes the poiht they are not unreasonable to ask)

Honestly, the only thing surprising or outrageous here is the fact that no one has offered before!

I think it's definitely fair.

Totally reasonable for a friends pre Xmas get together, I quite like a gathering where everyone brings a dish. If I was hosting actual Christmas dinner though I wouldn’t - but good manners would be for people to offer to bring some booze/chocs.

Given it's a regular thing and the burden always falls on one household it's a pity no one else raised this before the host felt they had to - Wording was good - I'd have been happier if it could have been an in kind contribution - but that might be harder to coordinate

I wonder if the friend who doesn’t agree is the freeloader/cheapskate of the group. You know the one who counts the bill to the penny and never hosts.

Usually I'm a believer in 'if you can't afford to host you shouldn't'.

However!

If the burden is always falling on the shoulders of one person then yes you should chip in. Food and drink is expensive plus she has to cook it all (and I bet nobody helps her wash it up) and it's very unfair that you all have spend years noshing on her dime.

If everyone is giving the same £40 as you though I'd expect a pretty fancy meal!

I’m surprised nobody else in the group has offered to host or pay before!

But I’ve been I’ve received a text this morning where another one of the group has posted saying it’s outrageous to even ask…

I think this person should host.

I think it’s a fair enough call. The friend that is outraged needs to get a grip.

Suggest to the grinch friend that they host instead, and then no one has to contribute. It’s highly likely they are never doing that . They want a freebie, and all the trimmings at someone else’s expense.

I think it's completely fair to ask.

It's arguably "outrageous" vs traditional standards whereby the host provides everything and the guests take wine and chocs or flowers. But by the same token, the guests should also reciprocate, so unless your outraged friend has also hosted, they need to swap their outage for cold, hard cash.

I'd be happy to pay £40 for a lovely Christmas dinner with friends. Sounds a bargain to me!

Tell your other friend not to be so tight.

This. They're cooking and hosting 16 people every year??? And people are only contributing some wine?

Tbh though if I was the couple hosting I would have just said we're not going to do it this year and let's go out for a meal where each couple pays for themselves.

I host all my dc.. The adult ones have good jobs.. I don't feel bad they all pop some cash my way. They spend the entire festive period popping in and out munching away... Lovely to see them but why should it cost me ££££??? They earn more than me and if they cba to host (fingers crossed one day!) I wouldn't turn up empty handed...

completely reasonable of the host to ask, it’s the most expensive time of the year and the cost of food is astronomical compared to previous years. It’s awful they’ve had to ask.

I’m the host in my friendship group and I’ve actually stopped inviting people over this last year to two as frequently as bbqs, meals, game evenings etc all fell on dh and I and we would spend a fortune and people would bring a few cans of coke or something but we’d be providing everything else.
I stopped doing it when I had spent almost £100 on a meal for 13 of us and a few days cooking it advance to have all but 1 couple cancel because it was raining.
I don’t mean a storm or anything torrential, I’m talking a bit of rain and people were driving not getting transport. After that waste I stopped.
I really would have appreciated though just one person offering to bring drinks or ask could they give me a few quid.
I’ve had hints about my Xmas meal this year but I’m not up for it, I barely want to do my own dinner this year 😂

I almost killed DH a few months back when a couple from our group offered to buy DH and I dinner. Dh and his friend went to collect it from the take out and his friend had forgotten his card. It was a few days before payday and we aren’t financially comfortable really and DH didn’t tell me until we’d gotten home our 50 quid had been spent buying everyone’s fish and chips.
I asked him to ask for a transfer but he felt to awkward and we ended up borrowing that cash back from our eldest child.
So now I’m reluctant to even go to friends offering to pay. Since COL it’s just very awkward and stressful.

I bet the person saying it's outrageous isn't offering to host next year.

I think it's totally fine to ask for a contribution, it must be really expensive.

Outraged friend is an idiot

I don't think it's outrageous. But I suppose they don't have to host it. Maybe the people saying they don't want to contribute don't really like going and feel they're somehow doing them a favour by going. Pretty arrogant tbh but you never know!

I'd reply to the outraged person to say that it seems fair and that they've been extremely generous to host the 16 of you for so long?

Seems perfectly reasonable. That's a huge group to cater for at home even just food and I'm amazed they've not stopped it all some time ago.

Options -
make contributions as you all see fit.
if the average booze consumption is a bottle a head, then the cost of the booze purchased by the hosts could be distributed between guests. That leaves the hosts to cover the cost of food which is still prohibitive really for those numbers unless everyone is a vegetarian; or the normal approach is a big casserole/chilli and some salads.

I think it's fair enough. If it was a one off dinner party, I'd say rude, but she's been more than generous doing this every year. It is very expensive to host

Shocked someone expressed outrage, what a free loader. I’d be texting back saying I think it’s great they host and cook and shouldn’t be expected to pay for all of us too and happily contributed.