Donation for friends Christmas dinner…

[CyanSnake]

Received an invitation last night.

Theres a group of us 8 friends, plus partners, who meet up for Christmas dinner and drinks every year just before the big day.

Every year it is always the same friend who hosts, provides the food and cooks. We’re never asked to bring anything, although I usually take a few bottles of wine.

This year, the invite (which was sent digitally) had a note at the bottom saying they hate to ask but food and drink gets more expensive every year, so if we could donate anything toward the cost they’d be very grateful, but we’re of course welcome either way

I thought fair enough, everything is expensive now so Ive sent them through £40 with my rspv.

But I’ve been I’ve received a text this morning where another one of the group has posted saying it’s outrageous to even ask…

So what do we think?

outraged friend = freeloader. they need to get a grip. and either offer to host or put their hand in their pockets.

Hosting for 16 is a very generous thing to do every year! Can nobody else take a turn?
Rather than asking for money, it might have been a bit classier to ask for bring a dish? Or just have nibbles and drinks rather than a full dinner.
It is a big expense, not one that I would want- but then I wouldn't invite everyone for dinner either!
I think you did the right thing and your friend who is saying it's outrageous is being a little bitchy, they don't have to attend!

"My presence is payment enough"

I think they’ve asked politely enough and the person saying it’s outrageous is a cheeky fucker.

Perfectly reasonable to ask, and outraged friend has shown themselves in a very poor light.

As a close group of friends, I think it's fine to ask. As a host, you can't guarantee what if anything people will bring, for example, they would presumably buy alcohol not knowing people may bring lots of wine. It gets costly.

I’m really shocked that the host usually pays it all! What a lovely person. It is definitely not unreasonable to ask for money towards the cost of the food/drink! I can’t believe this is only the first year that she is asking to be honest. The friend who posted a message saying she is outraged sounds greedy, grabby and entitled! Awful person. The word freeloader springs to mind.

We host the same group of friends for Thanksgiving. Used to do it all but now it's 20+ people and it's a lot at an expensive time of year. So we ask people to bring a bottle and a dish to share and we make and provide all the main things. And do all the work! It's lovely but exhausting and it became such a stretch financially we really couldn't prioritise it forever to that level. So we still spend more than anyone else of course but at least it's not only us.

(Oh and things must be difficult if your friend sent out that message - it would have been so hard for her! So please tell your other friends to stop being ridiculous. And make sure your friend is okay!)

Your outraged friend is being ridiculous and I would tell her so.

The group know how expensive it is and should have offered to split the cost before the host having to ask.

I would pay more than £40

Your friend needs a good slap the CF

Well if the complaining person usually brings a course of food and a crate of alcohol for everyone to share then I’d understand being a bit put out! But I’m guessing that’s not the case.
Yanbu.

Absolutely fair enough to ask if nobody else is taking a turn. It must be extremely expensive to host for 16 people and it sounds like they went about it in a nice way. Perhaps the person who is against it should host and then they would realise how much it costs to provide dinner for all those people!

They always do it without requesting anything.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all when the cost of food has soared to ask people to contribute for a dinner for 16 people

I think it's appalling you've all been taking advantage of your friend up to now, that twenty pounds a head isn't close to enough, and that anyone complaining should be taken out and shot, or failing that uninvited immediately.

I would prefer to bring food / drinks than give them cash. Giving cash just feels a bit off to me.

All these ‘friends’ sound incredibly tight

I'm presuming that hosting friend isn't holding tightwad friend's child hostage?

They could gracefully decline the invite if they're feeling so put out.

Exactly this - I think it reflects badly on you that you haven't contributed before. Whoever is complaining is in the wrong, have the ignored the cost of living?

For years they've spent their cash to feed you, but when they've finally asked you to contribute, it "feels off" for you to give them a bit of the cash back they've spent?

Can you explain, because I don't get it.

For me it would call into question my friendship with the one who thinks it’s outrageous. Does she think the world owes her freebies and everyone else should stump up??
Your friend who hosts is mental to have never asked for contributions before!

To allow her to shop, prep and cook every year for 16 people without anyone ever offering for you all to chip in is just horrendous.

I think you did right in sending over a contribution, I also think taking a dish or at least asking what you can bring/ say you’d take dessert would of been the way to go in previous years. It’s a hard thing to do to ask for money so good on them for putting it out there.

This .

I'm surprised they've waited so long to ask and none of your group seem to have offered before .

I’m embarrassed for you all that you haven’t offered before!!!

Ditto