My husband got me...

[namechangedforthisone35]

A restaurant voucher. Email print out.

I feel really flat and deflated. Aibu to feel like this? Obviously said thank you but just seems like he couldn't be bothered.
Wouldn't even pay for a whole meal anyway.

I would find that so hurtful if I’m honest. I don’t think I could even be with someone like that. It’s not so much about the gift per se, it’s the complete thoughtless, non effort, dismissive attitude that has gone into it. He could have gone a completely different way about getting your ‘gift’ to you and it would have changed everything.

My bf got me a small gift that didn’t cost much. But I love it! He put a lot of thought into searching for it online, making sure it would be to my taste and the correct size. It was the thought and effort he went to that counts for me.

These men aren’t stupid, they know what gift buying entails, they will have had gifts bought for them all their life, it’s not a completely new thing where they don’t have a clue because they have never come across it before. They just can’t be arsed and seem to do as little as possible because they know they can get away with it. I just find it completely selfish when they know that their gf / partner/ wife will be getting them something and have probably spent time wondering what gift they could buy them, then have gone out and bought it, wrapped it and everything just to get a lazy, no effort, non-gift in return and even worse to write the code in a card just a few minutes earlier before handing it to you!

I got that too but it's fine. I have everything need.

I know he will arrange chikdcare for the evening and it'll be a fun night out

@LovedFedAndNoonesDead that's really not ok. And you need to tell him that.
I imagine he has received gifts before? He didn't go through his childhood giftless? I would be so hurt and tell him it's not happening again.
Please don't be a martyr. Do you want me to come round and bollock him?

Yup! I actually feel there is an element of narcissism about it where it’s designed to be deliberately hurtful, selfish and spiteful when they know full well what gift buying entails and that their wives/GF/ partner will be going out to actually buy them something thoughtful and make the effort to wrap it up for them.

I'm sorry, I just wanted to provide a contrast with some normal presents people might get one another, wasn't meant to be showing off, I thought it might be helpful. Sorry if it caused offence. I hadn't read the thread properly.. But this type of reaction is one of the reasons I've hidden AIBU and many other sections of Mumsnet.

Is this supposed to make her feel better?

What gets me with these shitty no effort gifts that men give is they have somehow have the brain cells to manage to conjure up the outrageous idea in the first place. It wouldn’t even occur to me to think of buying someone an email voucher or worse, write the code in a card! They can think of these outrageous ‘gift’ ideas but then act daft when you’re not happy with it and claim they ‘didn’t know’ it would be hurtful! So it’s not like they’re brain dead, they have actually used their brain to make giving the gift as upsetting and as hurtful as possible while claiming they don’t understand why you’re so upset! Yeah sure you don’t! You just managed to dream up the most hurtful and shittiest way possible to present your ‘gift’ to your wife or partner on Xmas day - something that seems far beyond my brain capacity but cannot actually seem to use your brain to be thoughtful and go out and buy something and wrap it - a tradition you have been seen done over and over again by other people in your lifetimes! Arse hole!

I can understand how you feel, but in his head, he’s probably quite pleased with himself!
I think a lot of men don’t know how to buy a present with some thought. I think their mothers used to do this for them . I may be guilty of this with my sons, as they are awful at getting presents, if at all!😔My ex wasn’t too bad,but my DH although he thinks he’s being thoughtful , generally completely misses the mark . This year, however, I started dropping big hints and suggestions earlier on, plus he learned how to use Temu on his phone 🤣( he’s such a technophobic pensioner!)so I got some interesting things this year!!!( not necessarily what I would have got myself, but at least he tried😊) He’s well pleased with himself, and I’m actually pretty happy too!

Thank you. He’s one of those people who will buy something he wants or needs when or if he sees it throughout the year so rarely has anything specific he wants come birthday or Christmas but I take time to consider things he likes in the way of clothes so usually get him
tops and jeans or things connected to his interests. He, on the other hand, needs an absolute list of what to buy someone and doesn’t seem to anticipate by buying anything in advance.

It’s not just me he’s crap at buying for - if it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t get his mum or dad anything; doesn’t buy for any of his siblings and it was even me pushing him to ask DSS what things to get for his kids (we met and married in our 40’s and he had children now in their 30’s already). I have got used to him not getting me anything especially since the twins came along a few years back, but it still hurts that he gives so little thought to buying little surprises or something for me to unwrap come Christmas Day or my birthday!

Thanks for the offer of a bollocking or two I do dish them out when I get particularly pissed off with him!!

I got a £8 bottle of gin....