To cry at this? Did you?

[Sandals12]

Yabu- I didnt cry

Yanbu- I did or nearly cried

Written by a relative...stick it out to the end (2 minute read). Feedback welcome

What Christmas means to me.

“Are you all set for Christmas?” we hear,
A question that always strikes fear.

No, the Elf is not on the shelf,
Nor have I ordered the turkey or beer,
The cards haven't been sent,
On presents, not a penny spent!

However, when December rolls around,
I will only be found,
Knee deep in glitter,
With tinsel up to my ears.

To me, this is what Christmas has always been.

Then carol singing and school plays,
And itchy Christmas jumper days,
Indulgent food and mulled wine,
Praying Amazon arrives on time!
Work dos with uncomfortable shoes,
Drinking plenty of ….juice.

Time with family and friends, and festive fun.
Isn't it the same for everyone?

Decoration and dessert preparation,
Advent Calendar anticipation,
The whole house now smells like a cinnamon roll…
How long is left to go?

At last, the big day arrives and Santa has been,
The living room carpet can no longer be seen,
Under plastic, cardboard, wrapping and more,
“Next year…we are NOT going overboard!”

Home Alone on the box and novelty socks,
Too many treats, turkey sleeps, The King's Speech!
Then Pringles…on repeat.
This is what Christmas means to me…

Me…me..
So blinded by the Christmas lights,
Shopping and food delights,
So wrapped up in preparing gifts,
Entertaining and Santa visits,
That I couldn't even stop and bother
To look and see,
What the season brings for others.
Me...How blind I've been.

For both far and near,
Some will not be feeling such festive cheer.

There's a world we cannot know,
Far away from ours,
Where ashes fall like snow,
And missiles obscure the stars.

These lives have become undone,
Where's the joy? Where's the fun?
Displaced from where they once called home.
“Mummy, how will Santa know where to come?”

There’s local children, who know Santa only as fable,
Told “He'll bring what he is able”,
Who will have to queue for a seat at a Christmas table.

The family on the nice side of the street,
Wanting for nothing with the world at their feet,
Who'd now trade all their Christmas wishes,
For a day with Daddy whose death was 'not suspicious'.

A neighbour over the fence,
Responds to friendly banter,
But wears sunglasses in winter,
A raised glass will mean dire consequence.

And wee Granny, who once made Christmas lunch for all,
Her family now hung on the wall,
Of whose names she can't recall.
“We'll take her out for the day”, they say.

...And the bells are ringing out for Christmas Day.

Christmas can be bright and pretty,
But for others sad and shitty.

If everybody had to write one I'd like to see the attempt. Think of it as a competition like that where you have to enter under this brief.

If it was written by a schoolchild then I think they've done really well. Clearly someone who has a good grasp of perspectives and I liked the 'turn' in the middle where it darkens.

I'm a published poet and my teenage writing was just as awkward and badly written as this. Get her signed up to a kids writing workshop if you can - she's got potential but needs to grow away from the extremely awkward rhyming phase (we've all been there!) I think she should be very proud of this.

😂😂😂

I didn’t finish reading it cuz I got bored… also as others have said the rhyming is all over the place and the pace is wrong.

How do I reply to a post in the app please?! Will only let me quote

Not my cup of tea but I think it's good for a school competition. Hope she gets a prize. It didn't make me cry though, so I have to say YABU

You shouldn’t have shared it on here, OP.

Now you’re insisting that everyone should like and praise it, so I’m losing a bit of sympathy for you.

Would you say these to someone's face if they'd shared their writing?

OP posted this with little context and asked for feedback.
This wasn't sensible if it was a child's work but Mumsnet isn't responsible for this decision.

OP I simply wouldn't write poetry and put it up for public comment and if I was your dc I would be upset that you had done this.

It's extremely irritating when people write badly, but expect people to be impressed that they've shoved some basic words together in a way which doesn't make sense and in no way sounds pleasing.

I didn’t cry but I did like it, I liked the change in direction.

School child wrote it, fine.
Its not my thing but then no poetry is.

I'm assuming the person that wrote it is your child. It's always risky to ask for opinions without any context on something so personal. I hope they do well in the competition.

Must be a direct descendant of William McGonagall.

Ooh no thanks. YABU. Maudlin.

Objectively, it's not great, but if it was written by a youngish child then it shows potential. Some good editing and a less clunky rhyming scheme could make it not bad.

Maybe it fits the brief, but it's not good poetry.

How old is the child? I think it does show insight and perspective and it is an excellent effort depending on the age of the child. It is, however, true that the rhythm is very off and also a lot of the rhyming. A poem doesn't have to rhyme obviously, but this is a bit of both and that's very noticeable when reading it. Rhyming poetry is almost musical, and anything that is off is quite jarring and that's why people are finding it hard to read. Often all that it takes is a rewrite of the lines that don't fit - that can often mean coming back to it later and not rushing it. And never force a rhyme or write something just to make it rhyme, it rarely works.

It's interesting that it is written from the perspective of an adult woman. Of course, it's good to write from the perspectives of others - I wrote a poem from the perspective of a very elderly person when I was in my early 40s and many people said it made them cry.

If this is your child and she likes writing poetry she should keep at it. It's something that takes time to master and everyone's first attempts need revision, no matter what they think!

Work dos with uncomfortable shoes,
Drinking plenty of ….juice.

The above, I wasn't so sure about. At first I thought it was about a dry Christmas.

If an adult had written it, I would say it was too long and wordy and needed to pack a punch. Maybe some lines that make the reader feel like they are there? A child wouldn't necessarily know about alliteration and other techniques.

If your child wants to take poetry further they might, with some guidance, want to explore some published poems and the techniques the poets use to make the reader feel or reflect deeply.

I liked the contrast section and particularly the first verse about a war zone.

The last section doesn't add anything.

For a child it was a very good effort and they should be proud of themselves.

would have been nice if you included this detail in your original post so we don't all feel like arseholes for making fun of a poem by a child.

This wasn’t written by a child- far too many adult references; work dos ,alcohol etc.

The sentiment - Do “they” know it’s Christmas? has become a bit of a tired trope.

I did think it would be weird for a child to write it but giving the OP benefit of the doubt!

@Nimblesandbimbles
Raising a glass refers to the occasion being an alcoholic or excessive drunk's justification for just 1 drink to make a toast or have a sociable tipple, and that initial drink descending into far too many, prompting sunglasses for a hangover, or worse (after getting involved in a punch-up, or striking out at a loved-one) to hide their own or partner's black eye.

Why? Who can be arsed?

Not me but I asked ChatGTP for it’s best shot and there’s a clear winner.

In the glow of Christmas lights, joy dances bright and clear,
Where laughter rings and carolers sing, with festive cheer each year.
Yet in this season's glistening sheen, not all hearts feel the mirth,
For some are shrouded, deeply clouded, in the struggles of their earth.

Hooray for twinkling trees and gifts piled high,
For the warmth of family near, 'neath the winter sky.
Hooray for feasts that grace the tables, and bells that chime so sweet,
For the snowflakes' dance, in their merry prance, upon the silent street.

But oh, in shadowed corners of the same world so wide,
Lies a different Christmas tale, one often pushed aside.
Where empty plates and silent nights bear the season's weight,
And longing eyes look to the skies, their fortune to debate.

Hooray for children laughing, their eyes alight with glee,
Unwrapping dreams in festive streams, beneath the twinkling tree.
Hooray for stockings hung with care, and mistletoe's gentle tease,
For the joyous songs that right the wrongs, and hearts they easily please.

Yet in the hush of colder streets, where cheer seems far and faint,
Are souls that tread with heavy dread, and hearts with quiet complaint.
For them, the Christmas lights are dim, the carols sound so far,
Their festive season bears no reason, beneath the distant star.

Hooray for merriment, for the season's splendid glow,
For the gifts we give and the love we live, as the Yuletide feelings grow.
But let's remember, in our cheer, those for whom joy is sparse,
And extend our hand, across the land, to warm another's heart.

In Christmas's embrace, let's find a space, for every soul to belong,
Where the joy we share can show we care, and sing a unified song.
For in each heart, both near and far, the spirit of the season dwells,
In the joy, we find and the love, we bind, it's the story Christmas tells.