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Original poster

SIL playing "pick me" at Christmas

480 replies

PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:05

DH and I both have tiny families so Christmas Day this year is going to be at our house. DH's 80yo widowed Mum, my 80yo Mum and Dad who both have massive health issues, DH's brother and his wife plus us and our 2 children.
All fine. Except SIL has announced she will only come if my Mum isn't there.
Talk about playing silly buggers and upsetting everyone. In what world am I going to withdraw a Christmas invite to my parents? Why didn't she just make an excuse and decline the offer? Now we have hurt feelings, zero explanation from SIL, and a nasty atmosphere.
I'm really wishing she'd just said "Thanks, but no thanks" instead of playing stupid pick me games - AIBU?

OP posts:
WhereIsBebèsChambre · 07/12/2023 22:07

So your dad's OK but not your mum??

NowYouSee · 07/12/2023 22:08

What is the back story between your mum and SIL?

Quitelikeit · 07/12/2023 22:08

I think that is v rude of her - what on earth upsets her about an 80yo woman?

I would message back and say that you won’t be able to uninvite your mother and the offer still stands if she changes her mind

Morechocmorechoc · 07/12/2023 22:08

Is there a back story? Obviously tell her no, that won't be happening and she can chose whether to attend or not, but must let you know in a few days so you can prepare.

Flamalotty · 07/12/2023 22:08

She said her mum is widowed.

YANBU

Shortpoet · 07/12/2023 22:08

What on earth has she hot against your mum?

Unless there’s a drip feed of massive proportions where you mum has been awful to her, the only correct response is, “Oh, well, that’s a shame but we respect your decision. Hope you have a lovely Christmas and we’ll see you sometime in the New Year”

HalebiHabibti · 07/12/2023 22:09

Do you know why?

SgtJuneAckland · 07/12/2023 22:09

Here for the outrageous behaviour an 80 year old must've displayed to get blacklisted by SIL

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 07/12/2023 22:11

I really am bemused. Is it her health issues sil has a problem with?

sprigatito · 07/12/2023 22:11

SgtJuneAckland · 07/12/2023 22:09

Here for the outrageous behaviour an 80 year old must've displayed to get blacklisted by SIL

Same. Did she make an awful comment last year or something?

HeartandSeoul · 07/12/2023 22:11

Flamalotty · 07/12/2023 22:08

She said her mum is widowed.

YANBU

OP’s parents are both still alive. OP’s MIL is a widow.

mummabubs · 07/12/2023 22:11

Sorry if I've misunderstood, but is your mum even SiL's MiL? Utterly silly on her part as of course you'll prioritise your mum! She should have just politely declined or made up another reason for her not to go as this was never likely to result in you uninviting your own mother to your house for Xmas!!
For what it's worth I can't stand my sister's mil (few can), but I'd never put my sister in such an awkward position as to have to be stuck in the middle with it when her mil isn't even my relative!

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:11

No idea.
They only see each other once, maybe twice a year. Always polite social situations, usually at birthdays, cup of tea and a slice of cake etc.
Mum has recently become physically disabled...maybe that is the issue as it is the only thing to have changed that I'm aware of.

OP posts:
WhereIsBebèsChambre · 07/12/2023 22:12

Flamalotty · 07/12/2023 22:08

She said her mum is widowed.

YANBU

DH's 80yo widowed Mum, my 80yo Mum and Dad who both have massive health issues,
Dhs mum is widowed not ops.

youngestisapsycho · 07/12/2023 22:12

Well SiL can not come then… how ridiculous to expect you to not have your own mum there 🤷🏼‍♀️

Applerumleandcustard · 07/12/2023 22:13

Oh dear , shame you can’t be there SIL , see you another day ?

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/12/2023 22:13

Very peculiar. What have you said? If you haven’t responded, just say no. You’re hosting, guest list is your decision.

justalittlesnoel · 07/12/2023 22:13

Why could she be thinking that? What's the back story? Your mum becoming physically disabled surely can't play a part?

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:14

It has come completely out of the blue.
They didn't see each other last Christmas as my Mum was housebound.

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 07/12/2023 22:16

Maybe ask her why she objects to your mother....

Itsaselectionbox · 07/12/2023 22:16

Noone on here can tell you if she is being unreasonable or not, as we don't know her reasons for stating it and you haven't asked her.

Smartiepants79 · 07/12/2023 22:17

What extraordinary behaviour. Has your DH attempted to find out her reasons for such rudeness?
The answer is obviously a flat ‘No way’ but why would she even ask this or expect you to agree???

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:17

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/12/2023 22:13

Very peculiar. What have you said? If you haven’t responded, just say no. You’re hosting, guest list is your decision.

I will be saying no. Just need to calm down a bit first.

OP posts:
BullAndDoring · 07/12/2023 22:17

Oh, this one's quite easy.

I'm a grown ass woman! No-one dictates who, what and why I can do or invite to my house at Xmas!.

So sorry SIL that you can't make it. Move on. Have a great holiday

HumourReplacementTherapy · 07/12/2023 22:17

I'd not even respond.