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Original poster

SIL playing "pick me" at Christmas

480 replies

PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:05

DH and I both have tiny families so Christmas Day this year is going to be at our house. DH's 80yo widowed Mum, my 80yo Mum and Dad who both have massive health issues, DH's brother and his wife plus us and our 2 children.
All fine. Except SIL has announced she will only come if my Mum isn't there.
Talk about playing silly buggers and upsetting everyone. In what world am I going to withdraw a Christmas invite to my parents? Why didn't she just make an excuse and decline the offer? Now we have hurt feelings, zero explanation from SIL, and a nasty atmosphere.
I'm really wishing she'd just said "Thanks, but no thanks" instead of playing stupid pick me games - AIBU?

OP posts:
SwishSwashSwooshSwersh · 07/12/2023 22:17

Tell sil that you’re mum is attending celebrations and sil is more than welcome too but you won’t be cancelling your mum

Holidayhell22 · 07/12/2023 22:18

Your sil should just have declined the invite. Of course you can’t not have your mother there.
Tell her it’s a shame she can’t come and you’ll catch up another time.

Mariposista · 07/12/2023 22:18

What a nasty piece of work. Your BIL has picked a right charmer there

HalebiHabibti · 07/12/2023 22:19

Can you say "That won't be possible. Out of interest, what makes you feel that way?"

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:20

SwishSwashSwooshSwersh · 07/12/2023 22:17

Tell sil that you’re mum is attending celebrations and sil is more than welcome too but you won’t be cancelling your mum

This is definitely the grown-up response.
But there is going to be an atmosphere either way. Either she stays away with BIL and there is a big, noticeable gap. Or she comes and we spend Christmas knowing she is seething at my mum.

OP posts:
HappyCamperTent · 07/12/2023 22:20

So she’s the wife of your DH’s brother?! Not even immediate family

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:22

HappyCamperTent · 07/12/2023 22:20

So she’s the wife of your DH’s brother?! Not even immediate family

Yes.
Although we've all known one another for over 20years.

OP posts:
AngelontopoftheTree · 07/12/2023 22:23

If you want your mum there it's a no brainer, but I wonder what excuse she'll give when you ask her why?

Iloveacurry · 07/12/2023 22:24

Has she always been a bitch?

hangingonfordearlife1 · 07/12/2023 22:24

well haven't you asked why???

Acuppaisbetterthanprosecco · 07/12/2023 22:25

She wants you to ask her why, otherwise she would have made an excuse

FirstFallopians · 07/12/2023 22:26

She sounds… bonkers?

I wouldn’t even be annoyed tbh as it just seems such a random and left-field request, like a toddler throwing a tantrum because their toast was cut into squares instead of triangles.

Whatever you reply, include a suggestion that she gets her carbon monoxide levels checked.

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:26

Iloveacurry · 07/12/2023 22:24

Has she always been a bitch?

No. I've generally liked her and thought we got on well. Not super close but fine.
She does have lots of people she doesn't speak to though. Perhaps it is our turn.

OP posts:
WhereIsBebèsChambre · 07/12/2023 22:26

Why wouldn't you ask why?!!

Finestreason · 07/12/2023 22:26

But why not ask her what the problem is? Do you not have any idea at all what the problem Is?

StiffyByngsDogBartholomew · 07/12/2023 22:26

So to get this right...
Your SIL, who is no relation to your Mother, thinks she can dictate the guest list at someone else's house at Christmas and expects the hostess to uninvite her own disabled mother. With apparently no reason at all other than potentially because she has become disabled. Which, if true, is appalling.

fortunately neither of my SILs (DHs siblings) would be such massive, utter cows. My mum is disabled after a massive stroke and if they did this I would never speak to them again.

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:27

hangingonfordearlife1 · 07/12/2023 22:24

well haven't you asked why???

We have asked why. She isn't saying why. Just that she cannot come if mum does.

OP posts:
Noodleface99 · 07/12/2023 22:27

How have you not asked what the reason is yet? I would have literally text back straight away like excuse me???

harriethoyle · 07/12/2023 22:27

Honestly, I'd have to uninvite her. I couldn't inflict that hostility on my DM. What a weirdo!

Surryqueen · 07/12/2023 22:27

I don't think you understand what the term "pick me" means. Used in wrong context here x

DisforDarkChocolate · 07/12/2023 22:28

I doubt I'd have bothered to calm down before I replied. Unless you Mum has a secret past as a serial killer?

justasking111 · 07/12/2023 22:28

Is she trying to get your husbands parents to pick her @PerspicaciaTick ?

romdowa · 07/12/2023 22:29

PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:27

We have asked why. She isn't saying why. Just that she cannot come if mum does.

Show quote history

I'd reply well I'm sorry to hear you won't be joining us. Take care

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2023 22:30

Surryqueen · 07/12/2023 22:27

I don't think you understand what the term "pick me" means. Used in wrong context here x

Because she wants us to pick her instead of mum.
She has made an ultimatum forcing me to choose between her and my mum. Which is bizarre and not a contest she could have thought she would win.

OP posts:
PrinnyPree · 07/12/2023 22:30

I would uninvite the fuck out of anyone who had a problem with my Mum.