DF deliberately gave everyone shit presents. What now?

[bananasindressinggowns]

I don't care if this is outing at this point. A few weeks ago 'D'F gleefully admitted he was giving his sister and her family shit presents. We weren't sure why as they are lovely people, but stupidly we didn't think he'd do the same to us, until this morning when we discovered he'd gifted:

• a dirty '2010' snow globe (me)
• a broken filing cabinet (my sibling)
• two books about suicide/SA/grief/estrangement - subject matters that me and my siblings have dealt with personally
• a cardboard box and sellotape (his sibling)
• black bin bags (his niece and nephew)

Radio silence from him today, he knows what he's done. This isn't about the presents themselves, either. Me and siblings did small but meaningful gifts - books we liked, little stocking fillers, comfy socks etc.

Me and my siblings (all late twenties) have had a difficult relationship with 'D'F in the past, but we thought we were all in a good place now - semi-regular visits, phone calls, texts, etc. We did a 4 hour round trip a few weeks ago to give him and his partner their presents as they were heading to other family for Christmas. Had a lovely lunch together, a good catch-up, lots of chat about plans for next year. We put together some really nice meaningful presents for them.

I don't understand why he's done this to his entire family - the effort he's gone to to order this shit off of eBay, wrapping all the presents, acting like everything was totally normal and then flipping the switch today. We're so hurt and confused but I'm also pissed off I didn't see it coming - he's been pulling shit like this for years. Do we confront him? Pretend like we love it all? Ignore it? Send it all back? What a sad bitter man.

Did he think it was funny? Is he a bit silly? Supposed to be taken as a joke? Has he done this kind of thing before?

I'd be pissed off too. Don't put any effort in for him next time!

Is it a practical joke?

Just tell him you’ve binned the presents and not to bother in future , and don’t do gifts again with him for birthdays or Christmas , most peculiar .

Ignore him
He clearly wants a reaction so don’t give him one. It’s a really odd as well as unpleasant thing to do.

Im so sorry. He sounds mixed up and petty.
At least he isn’t singling you out but is clearly doing the same to everyone he knows.

Wow, the old/broken items are bad enough but the books about suicide etc when it’s a matter your family has dealt with is a low blow.
Absolutely call him out, tell him it’s hurtful and unacceptable.

Send them all back to him. Then fuck him off and go nc. What a tosser.

You deal with him like you'd deal with a cancerous tumour. You cut him out of your life. He sounds unhinged.

Do nothing.

He wants a reaction. Do not give him a reaction.

Don’t mention it. If he mentions gifts ask politely which presents were from him. Make him say what they were.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon that’s great advice.
No more gifts from you to him.
Id be having a break from contact until he contacts you

Say nothing, don't react, then Re gift the shitty presents back to him for his next birthday, Christmas etc

Actually it sounds like you were pretty nonchalant about him giving others shit gifts. I'm not sure why you are surprised.
However, going forward I would reconsider your relationship with him. He sounds like he doesn't add any value to your lives and don't be so quick to go along with his bullying of others.

Ok, so he's odd.

Ignore completely. If he asks, say something like 'oh, you were obviously playing silly buggers. Binned it. Don't really get the joke, dad, but anyway <new subject>.'

I would be inclined not to bother with him at all next xmas. Just maintain usual polite relationship throughout the year, but not mention xmas at all, as he's clearly opted out.

Just because he's your DF, doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with him.

He's either done this for a reaction, because he's got a weird sense of humor or because you've collectively done some sort of slight against him. Personally I'd give zero reaction and just go low /NC.

Well if he already told you previously what he was doing to other people, did you pick up on his tone why? Spite, fun, weird prank, hateful?

He sounds totally unhinged, I'm sorry!

I can't be going with people who play mind games and that's what this is.
Id bin his crap and go no contact.

This except I'd dump all of it (wrapping paper as well) on his doorstep and THEN I'd go no contact.

I agree with no comment. No reaction.

keep at arms length.

Is he unwell?

I'd bung it all in a big box, wrap it up beautifully and take it round there saying that it was his main present that got delayed due to the postal strike
Then watch him open it
Then tell him to get to fuck and never contact you or yours again

Sounds like he's pushing you all away again, for whatever reason.

I'd ignore and start disconnecting really, then work on the hard realisation that he can't be the dad you want him to be.

Keep it and regift it to him next year

What an absolute freak. Go no contact. He obviously gets some kind of happiness out of upsetting you.

That’s very odd. When I next saw him I’d ask what it was all about, if you think you can do it without getting wound up

“He’s been pulling shit like this for years”

Have you voiced during the years that you’re hurt by his shit sense of humor? If he has form for this, you’re unfair to go from zero to nuclear.

Or just accept him for who he is and carry on. Accepting people and their flaws doesn’t make you a doormat as some might claim.

That is terrible. It is worse than giving no presents. Ignore him as he will be wanting a reaction but next year give money to a charity rather then spending money on his present.