DF deliberately gave everyone shit presents. What now?

[bananasindressinggowns]

I don't care if this is outing at this point. A few weeks ago 'D'F gleefully admitted he was giving his sister and her family shit presents. We weren't sure why as they are lovely people, but stupidly we didn't think he'd do the same to us, until this morning when we discovered he'd gifted:

• a dirty '2010' snow globe (me)
• a broken filing cabinet (my sibling)
• two books about suicide/SA/grief/estrangement - subject matters that me and my siblings have dealt with personally
• a cardboard box and sellotape (his sibling)
• black bin bags (his niece and nephew)

Radio silence from him today, he knows what he's done. This isn't about the presents themselves, either. Me and siblings did small but meaningful gifts - books we liked, little stocking fillers, comfy socks etc.

Me and my siblings (all late twenties) have had a difficult relationship with 'D'F in the past, but we thought we were all in a good place now - semi-regular visits, phone calls, texts, etc. We did a 4 hour round trip a few weeks ago to give him and his partner their presents as they were heading to other family for Christmas. Had a lovely lunch together, a good catch-up, lots of chat about plans for next year. We put together some really nice meaningful presents for them.

I don't understand why he's done this to his entire family - the effort he's gone to to order this shit off of eBay, wrapping all the presents, acting like everything was totally normal and then flipping the switch today. We're so hurt and confused but I'm also pissed off I didn't see it coming - he's been pulling shit like this for years. Do we confront him? Pretend like we love it all? Ignore it? Send it all back? What a sad bitter man.

Don't react - at all.
Don't contact him.
If he ever asks what you thought of the "gifts" just say I can't remember what they were and change the subject.
No more gifts for him, ever.
Give him a pity visit periodically if you feel like it.
Stupid old man who thinks he's funny. Ignore.

I don’t think he sounds very well.

I would just send it back. No note nor explanation. Just post it or put it on his doorstep.

If he brings it up, tell him that there is no need to buy crap gifts and that from now on you understand there will be no gifts exchanged between you.

He sounds really unwell.

Or unpleasant- but I'm going with unwell.

This sounds awful but unless he has form for such behaviour I would wonder whether he’s unwell. How old is he?

I've never heard anything like this before . Why on earth would he do it , especially as relationships are fragile anyway .
I'd scoop them all up and dump them on his garden . Go NC because that's clearly what he's after there's no way back from this

I’d really enjoy upping the ante and get him some even worse presents, pretending you were joining in his ‘joke’ while really aiming to get him some absolute shite. Something nasty from the pound shop. Out of date tin of something hideous. Haemorrhoid cream, hair restorer, bad toupee. Oh, now I’m starting to enjoy this….

It sounds toxic and attention seeking. The nature of the book titles is really chilling and goes beyond a prank. This is not someone (if he's not excused by a disorder or illness) that I would have contact with again. I would wonder what else he'd want to do.

I wonder if he has got a mental health issue like early onset Alzheimers?

In any case I would distance yourselves and see what he does.

If he continues to exhibit bizarre behaviour then you need to contact the Community Mental Health Team for support/advice.

he cant be ill if hes previously done things like this

"he's been pulling shit like this for years." From the OP.

This isn't Alzheimers, it's deliberate, calculated nastiness

@whynotwhatknot he cant be ill if hes previously done things like this

it's a thin line between being 'eccentric' and having a Mental Health Problem and that can only be determined by a Mental Health Specialist.

Only OP can decide if it's time to pull the plug on this association.

Don’t react to it. He wants a reaction. Don’t give him one. Keep him at an arm’s length. Don’t emotionally invest in the relationship from now on. Minimise contact.

This!

This send it all back and don’t say a fucking word - no one agree that no one will do this - as with all
abusers cut off the oxygen

He's a KNOB. I mean honestly who does that ?

I agree with all no comment suggestions.

What, a book on suicide?

I'd post them back, without enough postage; so he has to go and pay to get them delivered/from the post office

I would assume it was a shit joke but the books about SA are clearly horrific.

What is actually wrong with him? Do you have any idea why he behaves like this? Does he deliberately sabbotage relationships to keep people at a distance? Is he just a jerk who enjoys the attention of winding people up?

Either way clearly YANBU.

I agree with all the absolutely no reaction as he clearly is being calculatedly mean!

Doesn't sound like he really wants to be in your families life :S

Why not? He could have been very unwell for years.

really you think being nasty could just be excused as being ill for years

I have people I get joke presents for but they are in on the joke I have known other people where there is this group joke present thing so of everyone is aware I have no issue on it

If this is not the case here then odd

Bin the lot and don’t give him anything for his birthday or Christmas.

If he mentions where is his gift, just say “oh? I thought we weren’t doing them anymore since you got everyone such a shit gift last year. I assumed it meant you didn’t want to do it”