I’m dreading Christmas Day as my dc have barely and gifts

[Bluebellberry]

Things have been finically dreadful for us.
I normally love Christmas but this year I am dreading it.
We are struggling so badly we only have a couple of very, very small low cost gifts for each child. I am so deeply ashamed.I am dreading seeing their faces on Christmas morning. They only asked for 2 small things bless them but I still feel an absolute failure.
I have absolutely nothing to give to my siblings or parents.
I have nobody to talk too irl as close friends and family don’t have money issues.
Is anyone else in this position?

I'm sorry you are in such a difficult position @Bluebellberry 😥

With parents/siblings, please just be honest and say you cannot afford to buy them gifts. I would definitely not be offended if my parents or siblings couldn't buy me anything.

Children are more difficult 😕 with the 15 year old, can you talk with them and explain the situation? They may even already be aware. At 15, they should be able to understand that money is tight.

The younger one is trickier if they believe in santa still. Could you maybe explain that parents have to send money for presents and that this year, there isn't a lot of money spare?

We had some very lean Christmases when I was growing up but I still have lovely memories.

Can you plan some nice family activities for Christmas eve and day so it feels special? Watch a Christmas film with some snacks/Christmas treasure hunt/nice walk to look at lights and then back for a warm drink/ Carol service at a church? Ours do a nice family one. Baking - cheap buns/biscuits that are festive? Playing board games - even ones you already have.

I hope you have a nice time and enjoy the time spent together.

I’m not in this position now now but have been and it was horrible, i ended up joining one of the Christmas hamper companies ( not sure if I’m allowed to say on here) you can get a pre paid card with how much you save through out the year, I know it won’t help this year, but honestly it’s one of the best things I have ever done and have been doing it about 7 years now, I buy all Christmas presents and food with it it has taken away so much stress and worries, and definitely try fb free pages this is where I always post my dd old toys that are still in good condition or not even out of box

Probably a silly idea but do you have any loyalty cards with points on you could spend? Boots, Superdrug, Nectar etc?

Do a self referral to a toy appeal that a local radio station are running , or as others have said Lidl or Salvation Army. Also food banks might be able to help. Where in the uk are you?

Sorry, I am assuming you are in the uk…
Scotland, England, Ireland or Wales?

By any chance do you have a mission Christmas collection in your area? They collect presents and give out to deserving families. May definitely be worth an ask if so but if you don't find anything else I'm sure they will be totally fine!

Hey OP, I'm not local to the area but I know the my library has museum passes yo all sorts of cool places. One of the passes we give out (for free!) gives a 6 person pass to the nature and science museum, which is worth about $120. We also have art museum, children's museum, planetarium etc. Additionally my library has a "makerspace" where you can come as a family and make awesome crafts on 3d printer, die cutter, Carvy and many others, all free and kids love it. Also your library may provide access to creativebug.com which streams art and crafts classes. All free!

Not all libraries have the same things but many have similar resources, I would call your local and ask what kinds of fun resources they have for families.

Maybe you could make a plan for Christmas day and share it Christmas eve for your dc to get excited? If you fill the day up the presents can be an afterthought.

Pancake decorating party in pj's (with music)
Walk outside
Christmas movie
Christmas crafts
Christmas dinner picnic
Online escape room game (they have these!), among us etc.
Write down 3 things they're grateful for and 3 wishes for next year
Sing Christmas carolers

You can make it magic OP, you've got this!

Do you have any budget to work with ? And interests? Perhaps if you do - even £10 each we can make some suggestions. I saw some of the smaller selection boxes for either 79p or 89p in home bargains recently. I bought one for all of mine! I also saw bath bombs and toiletry gift sets but can't recall prices as I didn't get any in the end! Also look in charity shops for books - they are usually very cheap. You could ask on a local freecycle if anyone has any books/ clothes/ board games or whateverelse looking for a new home.

You aren't alone OP. We are really struggling, we have to use the foodbank to get through each month. Mine are younger or I would share my cheaper buys for suggestions. Do your family buy gifts for your children? If so, would they be willing to give them to you in advance to pad out what is under the tree?

Well I’m in the same boat, but honestly it’s not about the gifts, it’s really not. But if you are too disappointed it will affect it all, it really is about the excitement and magic. I grew up pretty poor and very rarely got very much for Christmas, sometimes a shared tin of biscuits between me and my siblings and that was it. But I always loved Christmas because my mum loved it, and I’m the same, I love it. Get out and look at the Christmas lights, fill a stocking with an orange, wrap up a few presents even if some are a bar of chocolate. Just get into it!

I know this sounds trite but I believe it to be true, Christmas is about valuing life and those around us. Sometimes, when we haven’t got much, Christmas means even more because we are left with what we can imagine, create and each other. Stripped down to basics is no bad thing around Christmas, it really is what it’s all about.

The only ones that need to feel ashamed are the disgusting government. I get decent gifts from fb marlet, charity ships and vinted. Rarely buy anything new thats consumerist crap. I loved presents growing up but i loved just as much the food, the gathering , the games and a snuggle up with a film and family. These are (more or less) priceless

OP, please listen to the people that say showering your children with affection and attention are the most important things. I’m proof.

My earliest Christmas memories are of a very full stocking that had an absolute load of tat in it, because my father’s “love language” ‘(if he has one) has always been gift giving. But it all meant nothing because he’d spend all Christmas Day just screaming at me and my mum in fury, and possibly hurting one or both of us physically, until we finally went over to my grandparents for Christmas dinner. And eventually, my grandparents started raising me permanently. They never gave me nearly so much tat for Christmas, as they were on a pension, but I remember Christmases always being amazing and loving with them. I miss them incredibly.

@Bluebellberry You know how you said none of your family or friends have financial difficulties... well, they don't know you do either, so talk to them. I'd hate to think that any child of mine was struggling, and I was in a position to help them.

Growing up, the Salvation Army gave us all our Christmas presents. I think it might be too late to ask for their support this year as usually it's agency referral, but there's no harm in trying.

My childrens school closes tomorrow, if yours is still open so they have any support? Ours asked to self refer for help with gifts and food.

Good banks will also have donated gifts a well as food at this time of year.

My local Facebook group is full of stuff people are giving away, might be worth you having a look?

I was where you are for years when my children were little. as adults they don't remember the presents. Their favourite thing was Xmas eve, getting into their pyjamas and snuggling up on the couch under a duvet, watching a cheesy Xmas film and drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows on the top.
Theres loads of wonderful ideas on this thread
Memories are the most priceless thing you can give them, doesn't have to be expensive,

Do you have any store cupboard ingredients that you could either make a jar up of dry ingredients so they can bake a cake/biscuits or bake something for their stockings? Like rice crispy cakes / flapjacks / cookies / etc?

If you can pop into some charity shops there's bound to be some bits you can wrap. Mine always have second hand presents and love them. I know it's harder as they get older and notice these things more but I honestly don't remember anything my parents bought me for Christmas apart from some curling tongs. I really like some of the suggestions like going for a walk to see the lights and the treasure hunt.

One of the nicest things about Christmas is having time to play and hang out with your children. Life can be so busy. When they grow up they won’t remember the presents so much as the feeling of Christmas.

I can understand how you feel but please be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. We are ok this year but there have been times in my life when I’ve been worried about paying bills. It is really hard.

You can’t magic up money but you can do what you can to make it a fun time.

Plan the day to maximise fun and time together. May be have a game of something after breakfast before presents. Plan a walk in your nearest natural space. Play tag or hide and seek there. If you have board games or cards have a family game of something. Look up some parlour games. Kitchen disco. Look up what’s on TV and sit down to watch the same thing together.

It’s easy to forget to play together as a family but it’s so good for bonding and can be such a joy. It doesn’t have to cost money.

A simple gift for adult rels might be some evergreen foliage (holly and Ivy are all around us) arranged in jars. If you have some string or ribbon to tie around the top of the jar in a bow then even better, but not essential. Or a voucher for some time together or to do an errand for them. Write a letter to them about what you appreciate about them. I’d love any of those more than chocolates or smellies to be honest.

Im sure none of the above helps you to feel any better but I hope you can find some joy this Christmas. It was never supposed to be about consumerism so let’s get back to the meaning behind Christmas.

Also you could try the food bank. We just donated a few chocolate oranges so that stocking fillers were available.

our local church is running a toy bank. the craft and gift shop I run I sorted out toys pens pencils etc to help them out and I know they are open until the end of the month so might be worth trying your local church

DS is 17. His favourite part of Christmas is watching a rubbish film on xmas morning, in his dressing gown eating chocolate coins. Family come round later.

If you are struggling to buy food too or pay your heating bills then ask for food bank help. Ours is giving out toys as well this year as part of a pair up with Tesco. Your 15 year old would get toiletries or a big tub of quality street/celebrations.

I wanted to say that I don’t remember hardly any of the many gifts we got as kids at Xmas.. I remember the traditions and habits we have as a family but I’d struggle to pick out what we got as presents. Your kids won’t really care or remember- fun at Christmas is magical regardless! Games and activities are the best. You absolutely aren’t a failure as a parent for not giving a silly amount of gifts. That’s not what Christmas is about and it’s not good for the kids either! Xxxx

Just to add I’ve bought most of DCs presents second hand! He absolutely doesn’t care and we’ll end up donating them anyway in a few months. What’s the point of new unless it’s really necessary.. which if we are all honest, it’s very rarely necessary to buy toys or ‘enjoyment’ things new really. Also terrible for the planet! Whatever you do is enough. No kids need loads of presents Xox

As a child my parents couldn't give us much but I still have amazing memories of christmases. Mainly lovely memories of all being in the house together playing games, in pj's with hot chocolates and we used to have carpet picnics - snacks on a blanket in front of the telly watching Christmas programmes.

I'm sure your children will have a wonderful time. For what it's worth I'm sure your siblings/ parents don't expect anything from you.
I am now financially comfortable but one of my siblings is struggling and there's no way I would expect anything from her.

I know it’s frowned upon but i have plenty of brand new stuff that I could pass on if you were local ie a river island bumbag for your youngest and a babyliss hair curler for your oldest ( still in box and sealed ) and plenty of other things. I hate the thought of you upset and worrying and thinking you’re not good enough. It’s ok to accept help op. You can always pay it forward when times are better.
are you willing to say what region/town/city you’re in? Lots of people want to help if possible.

Please make sure you have something to eat for the day. If you need to access a food back please do so without any feeling of shame or guilt. There will be lots of things that you can watch on the telly and I know it’s easy to say but don’t worry about the presents. I would create 3 tokens for both kids for something you can do in the future with them like a cinema trip or cooking a meal of their choice or board game….you can then try and save up for these for a later day. It’s hard and I am sorry you are struggling 💐