I’m dreading Christmas Day as my dc have barely and gifts

[Bluebellberry]

Things have been finically dreadful for us.
I normally love Christmas but this year I am dreading it.
We are struggling so badly we only have a couple of very, very small low cost gifts for each child. I am so deeply ashamed.I am dreading seeing their faces on Christmas morning. They only asked for 2 small things bless them but I still feel an absolute failure.
I have absolutely nothing to give to my siblings or parents.
I have nobody to talk too irl as close friends and family don’t have money issues.
Is anyone else in this position?

bugger. Ours needs a nice new home.

Your local Facebook given in kindness group and gumtree freebies website may be helpful. I've even seen some local food banks are doing toy donations too this year

Where I live (East Anglia) we have a Christmas toy appeal every year, there's a Facebook page you can request a shoebox from (it's filled like a stocking) maybe your community has something similar? Just as something extra maybe.

I think we must have been separated at birth as I could have written your post!

Mine wasn't a Rocking horse but a giant cuddly Lion and the one other year was a 6 million $ man, Bionic man action figure

Re talking to the kids and worrying them, you will probably find that it does the opposite.

When I was 13 and my sister was 11 my father had to change jobs. The way that the pay worked in the jobs meant that we would be going almost three months with no main income, my father was the main breadwinner, mmy mother worked about 8 hours a week.

They sat us down and explained that although the bills etc were covered there was no money for extras and that although they would like to treat us, it simply wasnt possible. They commented later how good we were for not mithering for things like we may have done in the past when money was tight. We both said that it was because we knew the situation and understood, that when we had mithered it was because we didnt know that money was tight. My mother actually mentioned it recently when she said that she wished she had done things like I have which is always be honest with the kids. She tried to hide when things were tight when we were kids and then got angry and shouty when we wanted things that they couldnt afford. It was more worrying for us because we never knew if we were allowed to ask for something or not, never knew what mood we would get.

They were a lot more honest with us after that. We moved not long after he changed jobs and then a couple of years later the interest rates shot up, I am sure a lot of you remember the 15% rate, and they again sat us down and said that we may have to move again if they got any higher. We understood and although my sister especially was very upset, we accepted the reality of the situation.

Make it clear that their home, food etc is safe, just that extras are a bit more difficult to come by, and I think you'll find that they will actually be far more positive than you anticipate.

I say this as someone who has had to have that conversation this year and I am so proud at how they reacted :)

I agree that if your kids have only asked for a couple of small things anyway, then they're more aware than they've let on to you. I would definitely talk to them about family finances, especially the 15yo, doesn't have to be all the details but it sounds like they might already know.

Talk to your family if you're able too. Most regular families would be more than happy to help in any way they can. We've also been honest with a couple of good friends and one couple has been very generous.

Second hand items are fine, we've done that for Christmas although I appreciate it's harder for older teens. I do like the idea of learning some card games and some free/cheap family 'vouchers'. Maybe a get out of a chore free card or extra screen time??

@PyongyangKipperbang - I agree in my day ( this was 50 years ago ) I was just so happy for presents of whatever kind. I do remember at 12 I wanted a bicycle - my father got a second hand one from a friend and put some stickers on it. I was delighted - it was only many years later that I realised it was a freebie from a neighbour but I did not care - I had a bicycle . My DPs didn't have much spare cash at the time.

The one thing I would say is back in the day - there was no social media , very few adverts and so my Christmas list was not huge. My best Christmas ever was a Spirograph & a jack in the box and a plastic snake which cost a shilling from a local newsagents. ( pre free bicycle days )

There's a local Facebook page in our area that is a 'Free page.' Usually people clearing out garage or kids rooms. It's worth joining one of those- there's been some brilliant, brand new stuff being given away this week because people are tidying up before Christmas. The main rule is that you need to come and collect it asap as people just want it gone.

What about making up a treasure hunt around the house for them to do and the prize can be a few chocolates or you could make some fairy cakes as the prize if you’ve got the ingredients.

You could have a Christmas disco (depending on their age) and play party games.

They really won’t remember not having loads of gifts because kids mostly remember the things you do with them, not what you give them.

My happiest Christmas memories were being allowed to have a teeny glass of sherry with my mince pies on Xmas morning, croissants once a year for breakfast on Xmas morning, my grandparents & cousins coming round (that was always the best part) and the brilliant Christmas tv and movies we watched.

I remember a few gifts but they definitely were never the best part of Christmas.

I haven’t RTFT but I have read all your posts @Bluebellberry so I am sorry if this has already been suggested.

Can you afford something second hand as a gift. Op shop, second hand bookshops, garage sales. Sometimes you can find things in really great condition, looks new and for a fraction of the cost.

@BasiliskStare I had a Spirograph!! I used it so much! Always fucked it up though by going too fast with the pen 😅

I do think that SM has made a big difference the whole "pile of presents" thing made it a competition. Stupid arseholes with a tree totally hidden by a mountain of parcels and a caption that they are worried they havent go enough for their kids, and other even stupider arseholes think that this is the level they have to aspire to so put themselves into debt to do it. And of course creating a generation who dont understand that just because you want something, doesnt mean that you will get it.

We never did Xmas lists as kids and mine have never done them either. If you know your kids then you dont need a list. I saw a friend go completely bat shit (seen it on MN too) when her son decided to add an item to his list a week before Xmas and she couldnt get it for him (might have been the popular item that year or something, it wont have been financial) and was convinced that she had ruined his Xmas! Daft.

My first bike was second hand too!

What a lovely gesture @Mammma91

My local council runs a toy appeal and they are still accepting referrals. They also have a website full of advice and support for cost of living crisis. I agree though with everyone saying that your children will still have a lovely Christmas as you will be together and those experiences are what they will remember long after the toys have gone.

@PyongyangKipperbang - Yes the fact the bicycle was 2nd hand didn't bother me as there weren't many brand names then - so a friend / neighbour gave my DF a bicycle and he cleaned it up - I think he sprayed it to look newer and put some stickers on it. I was happy.

The one time ( it wasn't the Spirograph Christmas - I was much younger ) I got a jack in the box and a toy ukulele ( I wanted a guitar but at that age - couldn't tell the difference ) ( I suspect donated from Aunty who only had one child and we used to get hand me downs ) but on Christmas Eve I did say to Granny and Mum - All I want for Christmas is a snake. Well they went around and found a plastic one one for a shilling in a newsagents which you could hold by the tail and it moved ) so all went well

One other time My father made me a dolls house . He is not great at DIY but it did have a front that came off and was done out of off cuts and roll of brick printed paper . I did notice the interiors were all decorated in bits of wallpaper out house was done in. But I had that one year ( stairs were bend him so would not pass building regs now ) and a few bits of furniture & a few little dolls my granny had made - I'm making it sound like we were a Dickensian family - not the case but looking back I can see the presents I had were not the most expensive ones but I remember them.

So that was a nostalgia trip but just to say to @Bluebellberry don't worry too much . If you can find anywhere as mentioned above for a few little things to wrap up I think children just like the magic of unwrapping and may be some Christmas tunes and nice food and a lovely film.

I haven't read the full thread but can you explain the situation to the older kids and borrow some nice books from the library for all the kids to read over the hols?

If you can find anywhere as mentioned above for a few little things to wrap up I think children just like the magic of unwrapping
😖maybe we should teach children to get the hell over the "magic of unwrapping".

Hi Op we are in the same position except we haven't been able to afford a single gift. We haven't taken them out because we can't afford any of it. They're so excited and have asked for things (not even expensive things, just like pens or kinetic sand) and we can't afford it. We have weeks where we can't afford to do a shop and scrounge our cupboards for things.