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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

I’m dreading Christmas Day as my dc have barely and gifts

241 replies

Bluebellberry · 20/12/2022 16:32

Things have been finically dreadful for us.
I normally love Christmas but this year I am dreading it.
We are struggling so badly we only have a couple of very, very small low cost gifts for each child. I am so deeply ashamed.I am dreading seeing their faces on Christmas morning. They only asked for 2 small things bless them but I still feel an absolute failure.
I have absolutely nothing to give to my siblings or parents.
I have nobody to talk too irl as close friends and family don’t have money issues.
Is anyone else in this position?

OP posts:
EezyOozy · 20/12/2022 18:35

Where are you in the country? Where I live there are a few organisations (non referral) that could still help - local resilience groups, childrens charities and community food pantries.

DailyEnergyCrisis · 20/12/2022 18:36

I second the advice to ask on your local Facebook sites be it a parenting one or a recycling/selling site. I’ve seen a few posts this year of people asking for gifts for their children and the response has been compassionate and helpful- lots of gifts/Christmas food offered for free. My children are getting second hand (charity shop or Facebook) presents this year.

My2pence2day · 20/12/2022 18:37

AllGonePeteTong1 · 20/12/2022 16:43

I'm not in that position so it's easy for me to say, but I really do believe that it's not about the volume of gifts for kids. It's the special family time they get, playing games together, the feeling of it being an event, and enjoying each others company. That's what they will remember. Hug them close and shower then with attention and they'll have the best day.

This absolutely. You can have lots of fun, DC won't care about not having lots of gifts

beatsin8s · 20/12/2022 18:39

OooScotland · 20/12/2022 17:28

No shade meant here at all but I’m actually surprised at how shocking I find that suggestion.

Is it just me?

Show quote history

I don't understand what's shocking about it, isn't that what families are for? If they really are financially comfortable I would think they could afford a couple of pounds each if OP is struggling. £10 would buy 10 items in poundland, could be books/drawing stuff/toys/bath bombs. If they can't afford it they can't afford it but wouldn't hurt to ask. I'd help out my siblings in a heartbeat, I'd be more upset they didn't come to me sooner.

beatsin8s · 20/12/2022 18:43

But yes, ask on local FB page. I have seen a few posts recently where someone has posted on behalf of someone else because they are embarrassed (and shouldn't be!) and the overwhelming kindness of strangers to help each other at this time of year is heartwarming. I have toys/clothes etc I'm going to take to the charity shop but if I saw a post where I could help someone directly I absolutely would do that, so many would.

Puffalicious · 20/12/2022 18:44

Yes, OP, please tell us where you are and we can direct you to places that can help/ some of us might be nearby to drop off good condition things you might be able to use.

We're all thinking of you and sending you all the Christmas spirit in the world. You're a great mum for having your girls at the forefront of your mind.

I work in a school in a deprived area in a big city, and know lots of teens who will be getting very little this year. As a school we help by contacting local charities who help families out. Contact pastoral care (secondary) or head teacher (primary) in school to see if they can help. They can also help with uniform/ warm jackets/ shoes in the new year. All you need to do is ask. Please think about it.

beatsin8s · 20/12/2022 18:48

And I've actually bought a couple of second hand gifts this year because I couldn't afford new.

Frazzlefrazle · 20/12/2022 18:49

I'm really sorry, it's really tough as a parent when you want to give children the world.

Maybe just try to fill the day with more memory things. A walk to look at the Xmas lights. Or taking a breakfast out to eat in the park (one news year's day we ate crossiants while watching the sunrise) lots of bored games or making mince pies.

Sending lots of love x

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 20/12/2022 18:49

Same boat this year I was just given a gift card from work as a thank you and spent that to top him up and have typed up a letter stating a day trip he wants in February

Hellybelly84 · 20/12/2022 18:50

beatsin8s · 20/12/2022 18:39

I don't understand what's shocking about it, isn't that what families are for? If they really are financially comfortable I would think they could afford a couple of pounds each if OP is struggling. £10 would buy 10 items in poundland, could be books/drawing stuff/toys/bath bombs. If they can't afford it they can't afford it but wouldn't hurt to ask. I'd help out my siblings in a heartbeat, I'd be more upset they didn't come to me sooner.

Show quote history

I agree completely…I would absolutely help out a struggling family member, even as you say, if it was a few little things to pad out the pressies. We donate to strangers (food banks and give to charities) so if a family member needed a few little treats buying for them, I would always be happy to help. Anyone can end up financially struggling very quickly these days and although Xmas is not about pressies and theres tons of lovely ideas on here to make it special, I would still help out a family member if they needed it.

jtaeapa · 20/12/2022 18:51

Tell your parents/siblings so they can get your kids extra.

stayathomer · 20/12/2022 19:04

Would you have the money to get things from a pound shop such as chess/ draughts/ rubex cube etc? In Ireland we have a ‘free to good home’ website and we’ve gotten amazing stuff on it. Totally agree with the memories thing, movies/ board games (if don’t have any give everyone a piece of paper with the name of a thing for example on it and people have to guess using questions, or look up movie ideas for Pictionary etc). Once at Christmas we stood at the gate holding up a banner saying merry Christmas that we’d made and people beeped and cheered as they went by! (I’m thinking now if they did that here they’d have crashed but …) Best of luck op, still days to go, a lot of us have been there and it feels shit but all the kids really want is a happy family and some out of the ordinary fun

PayPennies · 20/12/2022 19:04

Lydia777 · 20/12/2022 17:35

Hi OP. What age are your children? Like others said, if you want to PM me, I have some things I could pass on.

THIS is the sort of thing that shouldn’t be happening - and what MN specifically posts warnings on these threads about this time of year

OtterInABox · 20/12/2022 19:05

I don't wish to stick the boot in but Christmas does not creep up one anyone so can I ask why you haven't popped anything to one side or explored charity shops or Facebook groups before?

The ages of your children means they will notice.

What are you going to do if anything from any of the suggestions?

AdoraBell · 20/12/2022 19:07

As others have said, tell your parents and siblings that you cannot buy them presents as you are struggling to afford things.

Also, as suggested, try to get some things from facebook marketplace etc and if necessary ask for a food bank voucher from GP/Citizens Advice. I don’t know where else can issue the vouchers. Is there a community shop in your area? They sell groceries at a reduced rate.

You are not a failure at all. You are trying to do your best in a difficult situation.

PayPennies · 20/12/2022 19:08

These threads, in the week leading up to Christmas, are unfortunately always worth taking with some degree of caution. Ideas are great - but there are always one or two offering to PM/offering to be PMed - asking if they are nearby and MN had reason to have commented on the thread.

CakeCrumbs44 · 20/12/2022 19:12

No shade meant here at all but I’m actually surprised at how shocking I find that suggestion

Is it just me?

I don't think it's shocking at all. If I told my parents, best friend or brother that we couldn't afford to buy the kids Christmas presents and could they lend/give me £20, they definitely would with no questions asked. In fact they would probably give me more if they could afford it. I am more shocked that people feel they can't ask the people they love for help at a difficult time.

LindorDoubleChoc · 20/12/2022 19:12

You can get some absolutely beautiful gifts for your dc in charity shops, or often for free on local FB groups.

There's no need to buy gifts for adults when you are struggling financially! None whatsoever.

You don't need to talk to anyone else about this. You don't need Mumsnet's help. You just need to adjust your idea of what Christmas is about.

antelopevalley · 20/12/2022 19:13

CakeCrumbs44 · 20/12/2022 19:12

No shade meant here at all but I’m actually surprised at how shocking I find that suggestion

Is it just me?

I don't think it's shocking at all. If I told my parents, best friend or brother that we couldn't afford to buy the kids Christmas presents and could they lend/give me £20, they definitely would with no questions asked. In fact they would probably give me more if they could afford it. I am more shocked that people feel they can't ask the people they love for help at a difficult time.

I agree. Surely most parents if they could would help out?

Original poster
Bluebellberry · 20/12/2022 19:13

I absolutely promise I don’t want anything in the way of money or gifts . That didn’t even cross my mind. I just feel very low and wanted to talk. The offers of help are so kind but I honestly didn’t come here to be a burden.
All I hoped for was maybe someone who has or is the same boat to talk too. I feel very isolated irl.
The unexpected upside to the thread is some very creative suggestions that I really appreciate and are making me feel a bit more excited about things I could give

OP posts:
LolaMoon · 20/12/2022 19:16

OP- I'll let you in on a secret. I was quite a materialistic child, asked for quite extravagant gifts etc. I am an only child and was a bit spoilt at times. There were times when my parents could afford to buy me nice stuff at Christmas and times when they had to stick to a strict budget and what I got was not what I had asked for. Looking back on those times, I cannot honestly recall a single present that I received. What I DO remember is family time, the magic of Christmas and us all being together, watching films, taking the dog for walks, nice food etc- thats what I remember now as most precious to me- the memories of my mum and dad and grandparents. I lost my mum when I was in my 20s. She never got to meet my children which is a huge sadness as she always wanted to be a grandmother. I would give anything to have her back, I miss HER not the presents she bought me and they are utterly meaningless to me in the context of missing everything about her that I loved so much, my mum. What I am trying to say is that I understand why you feel this way but memories and family time is the real loveliness of Christmas and that is what you remember from childhood as an adult, not expensive gifts. Your children are blessed to have you, please dont beat yourself up over this. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas x

iloveyankeecandle · 20/12/2022 19:16

My local children centre have been donated lots of presents for children. They've put on Facebook for people to go down and get things if they need them. Is there anything like this by you? I've donated something so I'd love to know that someone like you has managed to get something for your children.

iloveyankeecandle · 20/12/2022 19:17

Also my kids love cardboard boxes. They spend so long every Christmas playing with them!!

wildseas · 20/12/2022 19:17

I wonder if it’s worth doing a combination of the suggestions:

  • go to a charity shop and choose them one second hand book each from Santa.
  • join one of the survey sites and do enough surveys to get a 10 pound supermarket voucher. Spend it on some chocolate / deodorant / socks etc from santa
  • make a couple of vouchers each for things like late nights etc which don’t cost anything but which have real value to the kids and give them from you alongside the present
  • speak to your family so they know that things are a bit tight this year

good luck - such a tricky time for so many people this year. Do you have enough food ?

honeybeetheoneandonly · 20/12/2022 19:19

Oh FFS. It's fine. The more presents they get to open the more it becomes an exercise in opening presents. I honestly don't get the quantity of presents thing. I only get mine a few things for Christmas not because I can't afford more but because it's total overload otherwise. As long as there is one good present that they can engage with it's all you need. Wrapping up 10 things isn't going to make it better. It might seem really sad to some people to see only two wrapped things but the reality (for me at least) is that the kids cherish it and play with it.