Just had christmas sprung on me!

[user39012]

FFS. Just ranting really.

Every single year we host christmas day. I've never once in 25 years had a christmas where we don't host extended family. BIL and his family stay for a few days at PIL's house and are waited on hand and foot by MIL and they all come here for the whole day.

This year I held out and didn't offer. We are in building chaos and we are all a bit frazzled. Instead we were going to PIL for christmas and I offered to cook there to help out. They live about 45 minutes away so we don't need to stay overnight. Unfortunately FiL isn't well and they have said that BIL and his family can't stay overnight. BIL lives about 2.5 hours away from PIL.

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).

I am so pissed off. I know its bah humbug and I appreciate that FIL isn't well and it would be too much but BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

I might go full on grinch about it...

Uh no @notanothertakeaway this isn’t AIBU. And OP said she was having a rant. She wasn’t, in fact, asking if she was being unreasonable.

No, No & thrice No.

Follow it up as you mean it.

Only order & buy enough food & drink for your own family to have a good feast over Christmas.
No big turkey bird, maybe a turkey crown - last orders being taken.
Make arrangements to see your own friends or other family nearby.

If you want to be hard care, step away from the chaos of builders & family dramas, book you & your own family into a restaurant for Christmas lunch or a hotel for a three-day all-in Christmas break. If they want to join you for, then it’s all at their expense & no coming round after or staying over.

Actions speak louder than words, you are not doing Christmas for any Fils, BiL’s et al this year.

If they pitch up unannounced, they get a greasy omelette, cheap sherry & sleep on the sofa/floor.

The Christmas frog 😆

Stand firm on the frog/dog issue. It will stress your cats massively to be shut away and be able to smell the dog--it is not unreasonable for them to make alternative arrangements for their pet.

good luck! Sorry your FIL is so unwell.

Ah, my mistake. I thought this was in AIBU

Its not this year, it's the last 25 years that you have done this and for BIL whose house you have never been ever invited to?

You may think it's normal, but most people don't.

Self respect prevents people being used like this.

My husband certainly wouldn't allow me, him, our home to be used like this either.

What about your family?

For 25 years you have put his family first on Christmas day, ahead of your own?

Again, not normal.

There is no way my husband would allow me to be used thus, no more than I would.

25 years?
What a prince🙄😁

@user39012 just saw your update.

You are a kindly soul to host.
Can people bring courses, treats etc with them to save you some hassle of shopping, preparing & cooking?

What chance of a restaurant lunch for the whole gang?

Tell them to p* off. Or words to that effect. I’d rather cut the gas pipe to my cooker than host every man and his dog. There is no reason BIL can’t stay at his own house for xmas.

Just refuse.

Maybe BIL can find a hotel that would provide Xmas lunch for the whole family..leave it to him. Not your problem.

Merry Christmas, OP.

Oh, nearly forgot, a frog is for life but the dog can stay in a kennel.

🐸

@notanothertakeaway it’s an easy mistake to make! I didn’t mean to sound quite so snippy there either! 🎄

He wants to spend Christmas Day with his dying father. That's entirely normal and understandable and most families row in together to get everyone where they need to be in these situations.

That sounds like a good compromise OP.
Just make sure you prepare your response (or prep DH) in case BIL family tries to invite themselves to stay the night.

This sounds really sensible and kind. Good plan.

You’re a lovely woman @JaninaDuszejko. Your post made me a bit teary.

I would say no. Why can’t they host Christmas?
You haven’t been asked - they just put it on you - it’s rude to be honest.
Also, you’re having building work done at your home. It’s not really the place to be having large gatherings?
Could you not just meet up centrally and go out for Christmas?
It’s your house at the end of the day.

No frogs, no!

Tell bil he can come for the day without destructadog, we do the annual trip to bil’s 2 hours away for a family meet up. It’s quiet on Christmas Day.

I'm not understanding why BIL and his family can't just cook for FIL in his house. It makes no sense. It doesn't have to be a roast dinner but 2 adults and teenagers should be capable of cooking. They manage to cook the rest of the year. It's silly.

Just say no! Say it isn't convenient with the building work. These people are not your problem and you are not responsible for their Christmas.

RTFT! Ffs

I don’t understand why nobody gets Christmas…I sense a scent of martyrdom going on

What @MadameMackenzie said.

Well the dog can't come for a bloody start as u have cats. I can't be expected to lock them away for days because they want to bring a dog. Just say NO!

@Whatthediddlyfeck have you read all of OP's posts. The FIL is dying, bit of compassion towards the OP might not go amiss