Is this a mean thing to do on Christmas Day?

[AFewScrewsLucy]

Imagine you are the parent here.

You have a 9 yo, who turned 9 in early October.
They still believe in father Christmas (yes, really)
They have asked for an iPad.
You've told 9yo you can't afford it, so can't have it.
9yo says "it's OK, Santa will get it for me" and then proceeds to tell everyone they know since November that they're getting an iPad for Christmas.
You are actually buying the iPad for them.
But, you have decided that to teach them to be more humble, you're going to pretend that Santa hasn't brought the iPAD when you all open presents in the morning. And you're going to "find" the iPad at the back of the tree at some point in the evening,.and give it to them then.

Full context, you also have a just turned 6yo and 7yo who will be receiving their Santa present in the morning. (Barbie Dream House and Switch)

What do you think? Mean? Or fine?

[LittleCottage]

Don't leave it until the evening, but until he's opened the rest of his presents.

[EspeciallyEager]

I think a conversation about being humble would be much much kinder.

I’m also not sure you are teaching the lesson you think you are. They still get the iPad - just mum and dad couldn’t find it in the morning 🤷‍♀️

[Looklively]

I think you should show your ‘friend’ this thread. Might make them think twice (let’s hope).

[Damsel]

OP, I hope you can convince your friend that this is a crazy idea, as well as shockingly cruel.

Does your friend have issues with the nine year old in general? It just seems like a very angry, almost spiteful, “I’ll show them” response, which will ultimately ruin the child’s Christmas Day and stay with them forever, as all negative childhood memories do.

[Adultkids]

Most definitely MEAN

[SylvieB74]

This reminds me of my mum and nanna a bit as well. My mum was an alcoholic and looking back a bit mental. She would like to play mind games with us and we were constantly being told how spoilt we were even though there was often no dinner or basic things we needed. My sister had been wanting one of those ‘jelly bags’ for a long time, when she finally bought her one, she promised her it then said she hadn’t got it so that my sister would be upset with her then she could refuse to give her it, instead of just giving her it with a smile. I can’t imagine why you would want your daughter to be disappointed and upset all day at Christmas.

[SparkyBrad78]

It is not mean at all, we have been doing this for years, it becomes fun! That being said once you start this, they start thinking they have a hidden present every year and tbh this year things are tighter than usual so i have the opposite problem that there is no hidden present this year. 9yo will love it when they open an ipad they thought they never had!

[Milesty1]

OP did you say anything??

[IDidntKnowItWasAParty]

What sort of sick parent would do that? Tell your friend to find a better way to convey the lesson! That warped plan womt even teach any lesson, except that the parent is a total jerk!

[Thisisashitshow]

Extremely mean. Tell them about Fatger Christmas as well or they will be a laughing stock.

[Pepsi2001]

Ridiculous to do that to your child why would you!!!!!!

[MrKlaw]

how are you teaching them to be humble? You asked what they wanted and they said an ipad. Even a used one may be the big present and be loved by them and they may not want much else. And the young sibling is getting a switch and presumably at least one game so thats £250 right there - hardly a million miles from an ipad (depending if brand new and which model)

Without context its hard to understand any more than it being a mean spirited thing to do.

[Scepticalwotsits]

I’ve not read the whole thread, but it’s mean and of your own making.

1 - allowing the high value gifts to come from Santa
2 - why does it have to be an iPad rather than another tablet and pay the apple premium. There is nothing at their age that warrants that
3- you cannot afford it yet you have a switch being given to another

maybe I’m old fashioned but game consoles are fine to give as gifts but rather than being for one child they are for the whole family, as inevitably they will fight over which games to play as one of the other siblings will buy a game for the console, and the one it was brought for will use the but it’s mine argument.

kids get excited about Christmas, but at that age spoilt behaviour is a learnt trait

[Dillydollydingdong]

Very mean. You'll ruin Christmas for that poor child.

[MadMadaMim]

I see where you're coming from but I think the desired result isn't what you'll achieve. You either give it or you don't. And it's Santa who'll look mean, not you, and that would be devastating - father Christmas is the one adult who's always ALWAYS on the children's side, IYSWIM.

Maybe let her enjoy her ipad on Christmas day and on boxing day have a chat and say that FC left a vote for you to talk with DD about not assuming she will get everything and how difficult it is to be fair to all children and how easy it oculdbe to end up in the naughty list even when you don't realise you're being naughty eg telling people what FC is bringing you.

From a young age, I explained to mine that because there are so many children now and because most of them want things that aren't made in his workshop - he can't afford to give everyone what's on their list. The parents/carers have to contribute what they can afford. And if they don't get what they wanted, it doesn't mean that they're on the Naughty List or that some children are more favoured, it's just what he can afford and what he truly believes the child will get the Christmas spirit from. I didn't wantine to ever feel or think they were less favoured/loved/deserving just because I can't afford to spend £100s for their gifts.

This solved a whole load of issues that came up - why didn't I get what was on my list, why did FC give x the (super expensive) gift and not me, etc. And it meant that those years when I could afford eg a nearly brand new bike at a fraction of the cost, the joy of really beliving it must be from FC - they knew there's no way I could afford it - was huge. We still talk about the Christmas bike - they're at uni NOW! And in a way, it was from FC - a person bought a bike and within a few months, the newer model came out so they part exed the one they'd only had a few months. The bike shop didn't sell used bikes and I happened to go in (absolutely expecting to NT be able to afford anything at all) the very next day.

Also, my DD believed until she was 11 and I had to tell her as she was getting bullied in the run up to Christmas in year 7. So all the comments about it being her last year, aren't necessarily cessarily true.

Good luck

[Boysnana]

How can you even consider this. Just tell her he didnt have any

[KatysMumJen]

Why does a nine year old need a lesson in humility?

[squidgybits]

very mean - sounds like a power trip to me
give it or do not give it but stop being an arse

[Wiluli]

Mean . The magic won’t live much longer past 9 so I find it hard to see why you are doing this ?? Are you punishing him for wanting an iPad ?? Why ?

[Twentyfirstcenturymumma]

Horrible, mean, cruel, pointless. It's really upsetting to read that someone is actually considering doing this.

[pollymere]

I've just seen this story completely mistold on FB by Smalljoys. Sigh

[BabyDriversMummy]

@AFewScrewsLucy

Imagine you are the parent here.

You have a 9 yo, who turned 9 in early October.
They still believe in father Christmas (yes, really)
They have asked for an iPad.
You've told 9yo you can't afford it, so can't have it.
9yo says "it's OK, Santa will get it for me" and then proceeds to tell everyone they know since November that they're getting an iPad for Christmas.
You are actually buying the iPad for them.
But, you have decided that to teach them to be more humble, you're going to pretend that Santa hasn't brought the iPAD when you all open presents in the morning. And you're going to "find" the iPad at the back of the tree at some point in the evening,.and give it to them then.

Full context, you also have a just turned 6yo and 7yo who will be receiving their Santa present in the morning. (Barbie Dream House and Switch)

What do you think? Mean? Or fine?

Mean. Years of childhood trauma. Decades of therapy.

[Lovelysausagedogscrumpy]

Mean. For two reasons. Firstly why anyone would want to use Christmas to teach a child any kind of lesson is beyond me, but using probably the last year they will believe in Santa deserves the Scrooge award !! And secondly if the two siblings are getting what they asked for on Christmas morning, leaving the other child disappointed all day isn’t going to teach them anything but how to feel resentment and low self esteem. Like I said - mean.

[Lovelysausagedogscrumpy]

Oh, and it will definitely ram home the message that Santa doesn’t exist - or at the very least that he plays mean tricks. Taking the magic out of Christmas for a nine year old. Just wow.

[Madamum18]

The child is saying this because they believe in Santa ...not because they are not humble!1 Dont do it! Poor kid!