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Is this a mean thing to do on Christmas Day?

772 replies

AFewScrewsLucy · 10/12/2022 19:09

Imagine you are the parent here.

You have a 9 yo, who turned 9 in early October.
They still believe in father Christmas (yes, really)
They have asked for an iPad.
You've told 9yo you can't afford it, so can't have it.
9yo says "it's OK, Santa will get it for me" and then proceeds to tell everyone they know since November that they're getting an iPad for Christmas.
You are actually buying the iPad for them.
But, you have decided that to teach them to be more humble, you're going to pretend that Santa hasn't brought the iPAD when you all open presents in the morning. And you're going to "find" the iPad at the back of the tree at some point in the evening,.and give it to them then.

Full context, you also have a just turned 6yo and 7yo who will be receiving their Santa present in the morning. (Barbie Dream House and Switch)

What do you think? Mean? Or fine?

OP posts:
pinkfondu · 11/12/2022 20:49

Child believes lie and is punished in a very mean way. Hope you convince them not to do it

Adnerb2468 · 11/12/2022 20:50

Mean AND cruel.

Macinae · 11/12/2022 20:53

It makes me sad that the adult is even considering this. Trying to teach a young child a lesson on Christmas day? Not even his fault, the adult has taught him to believe in father Christmas.

ThankYouStavros · 11/12/2022 20:53

Mean, cruel, unnecessary. The actions of a narcissistic, unhinged parent.

Brackensmomma · 11/12/2022 20:53

Just show her this thread. .then hopefully she'll realise how horrible she's being to him.
I still remember what my so called parents did to me. Was horrible. That was 41 years sgo.

Vegay · 11/12/2022 20:59

@NoNameNowAgain because then there is still that magic of Christmas for children. My parents told me that all the presents I received were bought by them/family and then sent off to Father Christmas to bring us. We were also never told that we'd only get presents if we were well behaved. It was magical for us knowing that this magical man brought our presents.

I abhor this narrative that Father Christmas buys and brings presents. For me, Christmas is about children, and the thought that some get nothing really doesn't allow me to use the 'Father Christmas buys this for you'. Or, 'You'll get it if you are good'.

KSJR · 11/12/2022 21:00

Absolutely horrid and disgusting. The fact that your 9yo CHILD would have to sit there all day and watch their siblings play with the toys they asked Santa for breaks my heart. Why would you want him to feel so worthless. Can’t even believe this thought entered your head !!

Keeper11 · 11/12/2022 21:09

Why oh why spoil a child’s Christmas? The “found” iPad won’t have nearly so much magic than it would have done if brought by Santa. Such a horrible cruel trick to play on a child.
Your daughter won’t believe in FC for much longer. Then you can explain about budgeting and the cost of presents.

Mumof3PrettyBoys · 11/12/2022 21:14

Your fault for carrying the myth so long.. mean, mean MEANNNN

Greenshed · 11/12/2022 21:15

The thing is, your ‘friend” has already bought the iPad, so it would be extremely cruel to play this trick on the child. It’s bad enough playing such a trick on an adult, but a child doesn’t have the same understanding of these nuances of “giving them a lesson” as an adult might. Perhaps the kinder thing to have done would have been to explain, at the time of the request, that the iPad was too expensive to buy and that even Santa has to make savings, and that an alternative version of an iPad might be what ends up under the tree. As it is, your “friend’ has already bought the iPad, so to with hold it all day whilst the two siblings receive their gifts early on, is, as I said upthread, mean and despicable. It’s also cruel and potentially damaging to the child. Shame on your “friend” if they do carry this plan through.

NaneePolly · 11/12/2022 21:17

Why would you do that, be kind.

mussymummy · 11/12/2022 21:28

Sorry but that's mean as f*ck. How would you feel if you were that child assuming it's your son? Seriously put yourself in their shoes. That's not parenting that's being plain mean and nasty and mentally screwing your kid up.
Also why does the expensive gift have to be from santa? We have never done that. I refuse to let a fat that in a red suit take credit for the best gifts. My daughter gets santa gifts but never the big gift, that comes from us.

Widgets · 11/12/2022 21:29


Proteinmuch · 11/12/2022 21:45

So mean :(
They will feel so upset. What's the point in this..
Let them experience the last bit of magic

Lilyjfree · 11/12/2022 21:52

Mum mother played a similar trick on me when I was about 11. When she asked me what I wanted, I simply said a huge teddy and a dog soft toy. Nothing else was as important to me as these two soft toys (my mother hated giving me soft toys) so this was the one thing I said over and over when asked, knowing she would still find lots of other lovely surprises to gift me as well.
Christmas Day she gave me the 2 requested toys and then made me sit and watch my younger brothers open their piles of gifts. Eventually she gave me the rest of my gifts which had been hidden behind the sofa.
I was so hurt by this, even now it’s a strong memory. Of course she still laughs and tells people about it, still finding it funny. One of the many reasons I’m low contact with her.

MichaelFabricantWig · 11/12/2022 21:52


LeilaRose777 · 11/12/2022 21:56

Mean - jeezus what were you thinking? If you want your child to be grateful, let them know that it's you who is making sacrifices so they can have the things they want. If not, let them believe in magic without moral lessons.

rosemarysalter · 11/12/2022 21:57

What a stupid lesson

So you're buying the dream house the switch and the ipad but pretending you're skint to teaxh the
Kids a

Misty333 · 11/12/2022 22:03

Mean and very very cruel

marmb87 · 11/12/2022 22:09


LemonBarley1234 · 11/12/2022 22:33

Really mean.

How the parent thinks this will teach the child to be humble is beyond me.

It will teach them that they have a very cruel parent.

MamaFirst · 11/12/2022 22:39

That isn't humbling them, it's pulling the rug out from under them and their belief in Santa. It's really mean and will impact their whole day, surely? I could never do that to a child.

I would however reset a child's expectations that Santa isn't concerned about budget and you can just ask for any price tag item - but that's the parents responsibility to educate them in that.

YourWinter · 11/12/2022 22:57

Are you this nasty to everyone OP? I can’t believe any parent would think up such a spiteful Christmas trick.

Superstar22 · 11/12/2022 22:57

also, the vast majority of our year 6, 10-11 yr olds still believe.

Toohot2handle · 11/12/2022 23:00

Please don’t do this by somehow teaching them a pointless lesson as it will just ruin the day and the excitement for them. Please let them open the iPad with their siblings. This will probably be their last Christmas of believing and they will then realise it was you who bought it all along.

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