What to say to child when you can’t afford the ‘main’ gift?

[UnTrussworthy]

My 4yo DD has asked for a particular present this year. One toy, that’s she’s been asking for for months and months since she seen it.

We can’t afford it, at all. It’s too expensive with the cost of living crisis so we just can’t do it.

DD believes that Father Christmas makes all the toys before they’re given to the shops to sell and that’s why he can afford to give presents to all the boys and girls who have been good.

I did try and brush it off when she mentioned it after realising there’s no chance we can get it. I said Father Christmas might not be able to bring her a present like that this year and if there was anything else she could ask for. She said she asked if she had been a good girl and I said she has but sometimes Father Christmas gets to pick what he brings, which she just got upset and thought she had been bad because now he doesn’t want to bring her said toy.

What can I say that A- keeps the magic and B- doesn’t make her think she’s not been good enough to deserve it. I am so filled with guilt worrying about her little face on Christmas when she thinks she’s coming down to the toys she’s asked for and she isn’t.

Agree with PP. Father Christmas doesn’t bring big gifts. Only a stocking. Side note: can you get the kitchen secondhand?

Found the same link I did

Santa can't fit big things like toy kitchens on the sleigh... it hurts the reindeer. But he can bring some Minnie mouse accessories.

I always told my kids that Santa sends a bill in January. Magic with realism added. Also explains the gift differences with friends.

How about doing something like this?

There's about 5 million of these on Facebook marketplace from £20 it looks like

www.facebook.com/marketplace/107796655909824/search/?query=Disney%20Minnie%20Mouse%20Kitchen

How did she become aware the Minnie Mouse kitchen exists? Why is she so set on it?

Tell her the elves worked so hard they got tired and couldn't make any kitchens this year, but they sent some Minnie accessories for her.

Although tbf he is just the delivery driver here, the purchasers get all the credit.

Shes 4. She will forget. Buy the biggest cheapest thing (size of present matters at 4 years old) and leave a note from Santa where he says because she already has a kitchen he thought she might like ....(whatever you buy) better. An easel/ blackboard was popular with my kids at that age. Big too so impressive to them. And you could minnie mouse sticker it. Or get minnie mouse pots to use in her current kitchen.

Or if you are anywhere near the Midlands there are 2 on Facebook marketplace for £25 and £30.

If you want to try and get it for her look out for Black Friday discounts?

Or perhaps see if any family are willing to club together to buy it with you? Can then say to her as it's such a big and special toy the elves only had time to make that rather than lots of little presents?

We unfortunately couldn’t save for it. We’re really on the breadline at the moment because of a change in circumstances.
we did have some savings a while back but they’ve slowly trickled away on bills and the food shop. Everything is so much more expensive now.

We talked about using an instalment plan but we just don’t want to risk having credit.

I’ve been keeping on eye on marketplace. I didn’t think to check Vinted but I will! I’ve never used eBay but I could make an account and have a look, the bidding aspect and reliability always puts me off!

There’s a couple on ebay - London and Blackburn. £40 and £50. Also several on Gumtree for quite a bit cheaper, various locations - Belfast, Notts, Herts.
Worth a look on your local facebook selling pages too just in case.
4 yr old won’t care if it’s second hand.

Is it possible to ask relatives to chip in to help you buy one? Alternatively I agree with looking for a 2nd hand one.

It's really not too late to change the story about what Father Christmas brings. When I was little and I've done the same for my kids, FC brings little things in a stocking and big gifts are from parents or grandparents.

Don't drag family finances into this, or tell her mum and dad can't afford it. Age 4 is too early to lay that guilt and anxiety on a child.

Stick with explanations about tired elves and reindeer, or as others have said, seek second hand.

EBay is fine op and you've got plenty of time to get one at a reasonable price. But going forwards I used to tell mine tjat Santa brought Xmas stocking and a present for under the tree from their list but it was up to him which one he chose. Tjat have quite a lot of flexibility

Honestly she is young enough to change what father Christmas brings. I would say that this year he is going to bring her a special stocking, just for her because he knows all about the colouring books, pens etc that she loves and he is going to make it very special. We only ever did stockings from Santa here and it makes it much less stressful. You could put in it things for her mud kitchen.

Actually - yes this. I'd forgotten I have said this to my two before - he can't fit lots of big things on the sleigh!

I'd also ask family to chop in for the kitchen instead of getting individual gifts for her. I'd be happy to chip in like this if my sister experienced the same situation as you.

Thread 7 - the one with the hook a fuck game 349

This really does seem like a very easy item to purchase second hand. It's large and once people are finished with it they're happy to sell on for cheap as they just want to clear out and free up some space.

I'm hopeful you'll be able to find one for an affordable price, MN are really good at solving problems like this.

Many eBay items just are offered for a flat price, no bidding involved. Have someone help you check that and Facebook Marketplace.

I hope you find one but no shame in not. Just don't make her feel bad about the cost; come up with a magical story.

Also put an ask on Freecycle. People are trying to declutter now ahead of the winter festivities.

Santa could send her a letter saying that he knows that she wants the kitchen but the elf who makes it broke his leg and has been in hospital for a while and hasn't been able to make it. Santa can bring a different kitchen and accessories instead.

We’ve always said here that you write a list of things and gather Christmas picks only one or 2 items off that list, they aren’t always the biggest or most expensive, to teach that we don’t always get the big things. Worked so far. With ds1 who is coming up 7