What to say to child when you can’t afford the ‘main’ gift?

[UnTrussworthy]

My 4yo DD has asked for a particular present this year. One toy, that’s she’s been asking for for months and months since she seen it.

We can’t afford it, at all. It’s too expensive with the cost of living crisis so we just can’t do it.

DD believes that Father Christmas makes all the toys before they’re given to the shops to sell and that’s why he can afford to give presents to all the boys and girls who have been good.

I did try and brush it off when she mentioned it after realising there’s no chance we can get it. I said Father Christmas might not be able to bring her a present like that this year and if there was anything else she could ask for. She said she asked if she had been a good girl and I said she has but sometimes Father Christmas gets to pick what he brings, which she just got upset and thought she had been bad because now he doesn’t want to bring her said toy.

What can I say that A- keeps the magic and B- doesn’t make her think she’s not been good enough to deserve it. I am so filled with guilt worrying about her little face on Christmas when she thinks she’s coming down to the toys she’s asked for and she isn’t.

(First saying I'm in Belgium) We have some practical groups on facebook, maybe check if you have them where you live? One is "Dare To Ask", people ask for help with a chore, information, practical stuff, but also where they can buy stuff, new or pre-loved or at the lowest price. We also have a group "Gift", where it's absolutely forbidden to sell or buy, only freecycle. People ask for literally everything from bath tub over clothes and bikes to toys. It works very well!. Hoping Santa helps you find that special gift for your little one 💝

I hope it works out!

I still remember the year of the Hatchimals being sold out everywhere. I can't even remember what excuse I made but the kids were fine about it and pleased with their other presents.

The way we do it is we send money to santa. Santa and the elves find presents for the money we send and bring them Christmas day. We've always done it that way as we've never had alot and they wonder why the heck others get so much and no way would I let my kids think its because they're badly behaved so we always did it that way. My son asked for 3yrs for a hatchimal all year for 3yrs but he knew it would depend on what we could afford to send to santa. Santa does his best to find toys the cheapest he can and make the money go as far as possible. He is disappointed but he's understood from 3yrs old that's way it is. We can only do the best we can. You can always ask grandparents, aunts, uncles etc to put towards it. We did that for an xbox for him. It was a gift between us all and us adults did without as we told everyone to put towards that anything they would of got us x

Bless her heart!!
id be willing to donate a few £ towards it!! I’ve been in a similar position in the past and people helped me out with presents for my children!! I’m in no way rich, working and living off universal credit but I would happily pay the generosity I’ve received in the past forward to make a little girls Christmas 🎄 ☺️

I’ve never told my DS (7) that Father Christmas is real. He know his gifts come from ppl who love him. This avoids any of the ‘but Father Christmas bought X a Switch and I just got this jigsaw, I must be bad’ stuff. He still enjoys the F. Christmas films & stuff, but knows it’s just a lovely story because of a kind man a long time ago. This also means that he gets his gifts over 2 days when we see each family, plus he gets the gifts from us under the tree on Christmas morning, which stretches it out for him and means he really plays with his gifts rather than racing to unwrap them all.

Your better off donating to women's shelters etc. It will ensure that any money/gifts will go directly to those in need.

Well done, I hope you get it OK.

I don't know if anywhere still does it but when mine were little we went to the local co-op. The Father Christmas had one of those duplicating order books and he'd ask what they wanted, have a crafty look at mum who might nod, shake her head or shrug her shoulders (could be a dad.) He'd then write in his book the things he was promising, the things he might be able to do and the things that he couldn't manage this year. Then the child would get their copy. Mine loved it and the Father Christmas was my nextdoor neighbour but one but the children never twigged who he was.

It's something a school Christmas Fayre could easily do.

So lovely of you to say that. Maybe you missed the update but she managed to get a secondhand one 😀

I just made a donation to the Salvation Army, they are doing an appeal for toys for children who are in need in some way.

Aww I’m so pleased!! Nothing wrong with second hand!! Most of my children’s gifts will be second hand :)

Facebook marketplace in Leeds £50

not me!

I personally dislike all the "youve been a good boy/girl" and Santa will bring something nice for you bullshit.Just say that sometimes Santa will bring a present you want,sometimes as he has so many children to deliver to ,there may be something else thats nice .

Went emotional on this post OP. Merry Christmas.

Omg this caught me right in the feels! I am so happy you managed to get one your wee girl will be so delighted! The love and help from everyone on this thread has me all emosh you guys are the best ❤️

Gentle brainwashing. Keep going on and on about how lovely a different toy is. By Christmas she'll be asking for it. Where did she get the idea for this one? Try and keep doing it from now so she can write a letter asking for the new idea. Or, can you get it secondhand?

There’s one on eBay at £40

This is why i never told my children that father Christmas picks boys and girls coz i wouldnt cope with their disappointment, and i think its cruel tbh. In our house, FC does stockings, elves make toys for the shops, and also wraps presents for mammy 😂 mammy, family and friends buy all the presents. Have a look on FB market to see if any one is selling the toy, or ask family members if they can help towards the cost of it and tell your daughter its from all of you.

I’ve told my daughter that I give money to Santa to bring her presents on Christmas Eve. To keep the magic I’ve told her Santa’s elves make the toys in the shops, so she’s happy with this and will sit and pick stuff in the smyths/Argos catalog/online

so glad you were able to get the present in the end

How about asking on Freecycle?

Get family to all chip in and get it, then they just give small gifts of seeds or whatever on the day. OR ... buy it anyway and pay for it in instalments over the course of the year (if you can)

I can send you £20 towards.

We also did a personal reply from Santa and the elves.
D is extremely anxious and sensitive( slipping into poorly with it sadly) and so believed the good bad thing. Not even relayed to a present.
So the letter from the north pole " just wanted to say thankyou for all shed done this year to help grandma.how hard she worked at school.and how great her cakes were coming along,can we have some Santa ones!And they hoped she liked her gifts even Rudolph helpedcpick this year so sorry if they are a bit weird" It worked a treat.and kept under her pillow and made any presents ten times better.and I had the best time decorating the letter 😝

Hi,
Have a look on Marketplace on Facebook.
I've just had a look and there are a few being sold for £20.
Hopefully there will be someone selling in your area.
Good luck x

Father Christmas only brings a small gift, like teddies, toy car or train set. Just like on all the films. Parents buy everything else which is how some kids end up with a PS5 etc.

That's so charming!