What to say to child when you can’t afford the ‘main’ gift?

[UnTrussworthy]

My 4yo DD has asked for a particular present this year. One toy, that’s she’s been asking for for months and months since she seen it.

We can’t afford it, at all. It’s too expensive with the cost of living crisis so we just can’t do it.

DD believes that Father Christmas makes all the toys before they’re given to the shops to sell and that’s why he can afford to give presents to all the boys and girls who have been good.

I did try and brush it off when she mentioned it after realising there’s no chance we can get it. I said Father Christmas might not be able to bring her a present like that this year and if there was anything else she could ask for. She said she asked if she had been a good girl and I said she has but sometimes Father Christmas gets to pick what he brings, which she just got upset and thought she had been bad because now he doesn’t want to bring her said toy.

What can I say that A- keeps the magic and B- doesn’t make her think she’s not been good enough to deserve it. I am so filled with guilt worrying about her little face on Christmas when she thinks she’s coming down to the toys she’s asked for and she isn’t.

In our house Santa brings a stocking with smaller gifts, chocolate and bits and pieces and main gift under tree from me and DH. Same as DC grown up, they still have stockings when they come to visit and their gift under tree. They know what gift will be because they have sent me a link.

Read the updates, she's done exactly that.

So glad you got one! 🎉

Great news op!

Glad you’ve secured it Op. the amount of second hand ones mentioned on this thread shows you’ll get one, even if this falls through.

And a good thing about second hand is you can set it up to be there when they come down in morning (perhaps under a blanket or something as it’s big). One nuisance about Jew and in the box, is you often have to build the item and that can take ages, and not be very convenient if you’re trying to make Christmas lunch etc. By the end of the day, all Christmas toys are secondhand and many of the boxes binned. The toys are identical.

It’s greener to get secondhand. Think of your secondhand purchase meaning one less lot of pink plastic in landfill for hundreds of years to come. Hopefully you’ll be able to sell it on or just give it to another child or charity shop after your little one plays with it and a 3rd child can enjoy it too.

Could you buy a cheaper toy kitchen and accessorise with Minnie the mouse pieces?

Could you get together with family &/or friends to buy it?

Come on. She’s 4. Parent up and stop letting her go on about it and change the narrative. You say ‘oh that looks lovely doesn’t it. I can see why you like it. There are so many lovely things! Santa doesn’t care if you’ve been good or bad. He views all kids the same ’. Stop encouraging her to think it’s possible if it’s not.
As an aside it’s really not a good idea to have Santa give big presents.

We have always done a Christmas Eve box with pjs and a few little bits, and a small sack of bits on Christmas day from father Christmas. That way the kids know they can't just magically have anything they want

This. This is why main gifts should be from named people, and Father Christmas only brings small things in a stocking.

In our house we buy the gifts. Santa delivers them along with a few extra bits 'made by the elves'- stocking type gifts.

I remember years ago, before having children, a friend told me that her DD had asked her why her grandparents, uncles, aunties, even the next neighbour bring her gifts, Santa brings her gifts... but her Mum and Dad give her anything. I guess it depends how your child's mind works! I decided to make sure we handled things a bit differently with our own.

Really pleased to see that you've managed to find a Minnie Mouse kitchen. I hope your DD loves it.

I’m sure it’s been said by others. We get our children 1 present each from Santa. It’s always something from their letter to him but it’s something that’s a max of £20 each.

I’ve always said “big” or “main” presents should be from parents - that way kids in families that can’t afford bigger gifts don’t go questioning why friend A gets an iPad from Santa but they got a board game or a book.

Also, if I’ve spent the time and money getting my kid the perfect present, I damn well want the credit for it 😂

It's a really unhealthy attitude to say your daughter only deserves gifts if she's good. You've ingrained an unhealthy thought in her head which will probably stick with her for the rest of her life.
Hate to be brutal, but sounds like a charity post. There will be kids who will go without food and you're having a huge over reaction to a stupid plastic toy... Seriously!

@UnTrussworthy
We always use the 'Mammy and Daddy send the money to Santa for presents' Santa sends you one special present that he asks the elves to make but as there are sooooooo many good girls and boys it's only a little present.

In my experience we worry way to much- Christmas morning they are excited about everything and forget about what they asked for.

Really- what a horrible things to say. OP is asking for ways not to let her child down to harshly.

I hope you are never in a position that you have to do this as it's awful enough, without spiteful people like you.

Actually she's teaching her daughter a god life lesson- you earn things in life, she earns Christmas presents by being good.

@UnTrussworthy also watch Amazon prime and Smyths for Black Friday deals last year a friend had a barbie dream house her daughter was after for half price. She wouldn't have been able to afford it otherwise.

Another option maybe suggest that Father Christmas wouldn't be able to make it in time now but maybe she could ask for it for her birthday? ( hopefully this is quite a few months away) and she changes her mind or you have time to save for it.

We told our children that we paid Santa for any presents he brought them. We would give him a budget and he decided what to get them and then billed us.

In retrospect I wished we had said he brought the stockings and we did all the other gifts as it is easier.

Not sure if previously suggested but how about the evergd branded one and put some Minnie Mouse stickers on?
just a thought x

Maybe you could halves with another family member all she needs to know is father christmas brings them

Father Christmas writes her a note?

Sends her MM accessories for her excellent mud kitchen.

Or something

We don't always get what we want.

Santa is now only giving Eco friendly gifts, so not a plastic kitchen?

Have a look on fb market place. It doesn’t matter if it’s unboxed because “Santa” sets it up for them to play with xx

So very glad you got one and you'll be drinking pretend tea all day Christmas Day!

Probably a million years late on this

We were always told to make a long list every Christmas. Certain elves made certain gifts, and we needed to make a long list in case there wasn't enough of a certain toy. It meant we nearly always got what we wanted but still always got a surprise

Last yr My mate told her 9 Yr old most of the the ps5 elves died of covid so 🤷‍♀️ options

We have always said that we send Santa the money we can afford and then he brings some of the gifts but not necessarily everything asked. And when they talk about things out of our price bracket we can explain before it makes the list!!

When we started the Santa thing I needed to make them aware that some children get more than others. And it was also helpful to explain when we filled shoe boxes to send to the charity distributing those.