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Original poster

stuck at in laws, dh refusing to go out

343 replies

moanymoan · 26/12/2021 01:31

Just wanted a moan.

Staying with in laws. I don't drive and bus routes are not running tomorrow (boxing day). We have young children, one of whom is a breastfed baby.

Inlaws are lovely, but I'm finding it wearing being in someone else's home, not being able to eat when I like, switch off from others, leave the mess until I want to clear up, sharing a bathroom with several others etc. They do things very differently to me, like having long meals at the table, rarely having the TV on.

Dh has a big deadline, so keeps disappearing to the bedroom to work. Baby is sleeping badly, so I'm exhausted.

Prior to coming here, we isolated for 9 days as one of the relatives here is elderly. Dh works from home and I'm on mat leave so it wasn't too much hassle. But I felt very cooped up.

We have been in the house Christmas eve and boxing day. Agreed we'd take the kids to a country park on boxing day, but not go inside anywhere. But dh is now saying he doesn't want to, as it will be raining. As I don't drive, I'm literally stuck here.

I feel so stressed.

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 26/12/2021 07:58

He doesn’t have to work all day surely? He’s choosing to work. I’d tell him that you, his DC and his parents are disappointed he’s shutting himself away and that he should come out and take part, whether that’s going out with you, going for a family walk, etc.

andweallsingalong · 26/12/2021 08:03

Maybe see if MIL wants to go with you? She gets some quality time with the grandchildren and you get fresh air and a break from the intensity of being stuck in with everyone?

CheshireKitten123 · 26/12/2021 08:09

"Not everyone has to know how to drive."

Yes, it's a choice.

But it's a bit like CPR - you never know when you're going to need it Smile

ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 26/12/2021 08:09

How long are you with his parents, and why do you have to stay so long? Surely he must care about your and DC's discomfort, if he doesn't he is a selfish arse. Also, please learn to drive, especially as you now have DC that you're responsible for. It's a vital life skill, and surely you should want your own independence. See this is what happens when you can't drive. That's why it's a vital skill. And you're a mother now, so have more responsibility than just for yourself and you should want to.

SallyWD · 26/12/2021 08:13

I know how you feel OP. I stay with in laws for long periods (they live abroad). My in laws are lovely but like you I feel uncomfortable in other people's houses for long periods. You need to take control a little. Get the children outside for fresh air. You don't need a car. We've had a lot of walks in the rain this week - just wrap up warm. Ask to have the TV on. You can say you love Christmas TV and want to relax with a good programme,or find a good kid's film you can all watch together. I think it's unfair your DH is leaving you to deal with the kids and his family! When do you go back home?

antisocialsocialclub · 26/12/2021 08:19

@RosesAndHellebores

Why don't you drive? Why don't you go for a walk or say you'd like to feed the baby in front of the TV?
Why don't you drive?

Ugh there’s always one. Maybe OP has a medical condition, maybe she can’t afford it, maybe she’s tried and failed, maybe she was going to learn and then COVID and she’s planning to soon. Lots of reasons, none that are your business though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Never tell MN you can’t drive OP, the thread will be derail with the interrogation about WHY you don’t drive, instead of the question in hand.

Bluesheep8 · 26/12/2021 08:21

Why don't you drive?

What does it matter what the reason is?
It's not as though she can change the fact by telling us why.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2021 08:25

@CheshireKitten123

"Not everyone has to know how to drive."

Yes, it's a choice.

But it's a bit like CPR - you never know when you're going to need it Smile

Not everyone is allowed to drive. Medical conditions, eye sight issues etc.
ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 26/12/2021 08:26

Asking why she doesn't drive is a valid question, especially as she is a parent responsible for children. So stop whingeing about us asking such a valid question.

Goldbar · 26/12/2021 08:29

Tell your DH he can drive you home and then go back to his parents to work.

Sod staying with his parents if you're the one doing all the child entertaining and he's in his room working.

Or get a taxi somewhere interesting.

Fwiw, I got my license just before I fell pregnant with my DC and it took hours and hours of expensive lessons as I'm a nervous driver. Still don't drive that much as we're in a busy area. You'd need a lot of help from your DH/childcare (on top of the lesson costs) to learn to drive with 2 small children. So yes, doable for the OP, but a very expensive, long-term plan not a solution. Cost me thousands.

THisbackwithavengeance · 26/12/2021 08:32

See if MIL fancies a trip to the Sales? Wrap up warm, baby in a sling. There will be a Costa open for plenty of breastfeeding breaks and coffee and cake.

Make the best of a situation and spend time with family rather than sulking or stropping off home as recommended on here.

AD3000 · 26/12/2021 08:33

@BertieBotts - have you tried an automatic? I failed 4 tests in a manual car and in desperation (stuck with 2 kids in a rural location) tried an automatic and passed first time. Am a confident driver now but still don't think I would pass a manual test.
OP - I think your DH needs to be thinking about what's best for your DC and not what he personally does or doesn't fancy doing.

Howeverdoyouneedme · 26/12/2021 08:34

Fact is she doesn’t drive, doesn’t help to ask why as she’s hardly going to have learnt and be zooming up the motorway by 10.30 today. So it’s a a pointless question.

Your partner needs to help you and as you’re breastfeeding a tiny baby and exhausted he needs to either take you home or to the park.
People saying going for a walk, some rural places are weirdly unsuited for walking and the roads don’t have any paths with cars speeding along. Or you have to walk through muddy fields owned by farmers who’d rather you didn’t.

antisocialsocialclub · 26/12/2021 08:36

@ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs

Asking why she doesn't drive is a valid question, especially as she is a parent responsible for children. So stop whingeing about us asking such a valid question.
It’s not. You do realise out of you’re reality plenty of people look after children without driving right?

And if you ask what I deem to be a ridiculous question then I’ll say it’s ridiculous, it’s not whingeing. Or does everyone who says something you don’t like ‘whinge’? 🤷🏻‍♀️

MzHz · 26/12/2021 08:36

Could the in-laws drop you off at the country park? And h can pick you up later?

ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 26/12/2021 08:38

It's a disgrace that Driver's Ed isn't taught in UK schools. It should be compulsory as it is everywhere else. And sure, it costs money to learn, but it is a vital skill. It costs 'thousands' to go to work, we pay thousands in taxes, but we are still expected to earn a living. Some things you do because you are expected to do them, like driving in my country. Apart from a medical reason, it is extremely rare for anyone not wanting to or being able to drive. It's like paying taxes, it's expected and you learn because you're expected to. It's especially considered irresponsible to have kids but not be able to drive where I am.

ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 26/12/2021 08:39

@antisocialsocialclub It is. And telling people what to ask/say is not on.

Iggly · 26/12/2021 08:39

@RosesAndHellebores

Why don't you drive? Why don't you go for a walk or say you'd like to feed the baby in front of the TV?
How is this comment going to help now?
FrancescaContini · 26/12/2021 08:41

You have to take the children out - really unfair to keep them in all day.

Your husband needs to stop working today and at some stage very soon you need to learn to drive.

LeonoraFlorence · 26/12/2021 08:42

I’d wrap children up and go for a walk. Ask MIL for ideas for somewhere local you could walk to.
Also think you need to speak to DH. This isn’t fair.

BeyondMyWits · 26/12/2021 08:44

Always the driving thing...

I had kids, I don't drive (medical reasons). But if I have to get anywhere quick, and my Dh isn't there, and there's no bus, and it's too far to walk, and it's too far to cycle, I use a taxi... because I've got the money because I haven't paid for lessons, and a car , and car tax, and insurance, and maintenance, and... etc (another reason some don't drive is it costs a shed load of money...)

ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 26/12/2021 08:48

@BeyondMyWits

Always the driving thing...

I had kids, I don't drive (medical reasons). But if I have to get anywhere quick, and my Dh isn't there, and there's no bus, and it's too far to walk, and it's too far to cycle, I use a taxi... because I've got the money because I haven't paid for lessons, and a car , and car tax, and insurance, and maintenance, and... etc (another reason some don't drive is it costs a shed load of money...)

It really doesn't 'cost a shed load of money'. You don't notice it because it's an essential, you just get on with it. Having a house also 'costs a shed load of money' with property taxes, insurance, etc etc etc. You don't think about the cost because it's just something you have to do.
lisaandalan · 26/12/2021 08:50

Take the kids for a walk yourself if you can, also make him pay for driving lessons for you in the new year, it will open up a whole new world for you and you can go off anywhere you like when you like, he won't have any control over that, you can do as you please. X

TeamLorenaBobbitt · 26/12/2021 08:50

Wow! A nice bashing to start the day, really helpful for the OP 🤦🏼‍♀️ Leaving feminism wide open to get a bad name spouting this kind of stuff

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 26/12/2021 08:50

I have dyspraxia. Believe me you don't want me in the drivers seat of a car. I tried and it didn't work.

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