stuck at in laws, dh refusing to go out

[moanymoan]

Just wanted a moan.

Staying with in laws. I don't drive and bus routes are not running tomorrow (boxing day). We have young children, one of whom is a breastfed baby.

Inlaws are lovely, but I'm finding it wearing being in someone else's home, not being able to eat when I like, switch off from others, leave the mess until I want to clear up, sharing a bathroom with several others etc. They do things very differently to me, like having long meals at the table, rarely having the TV on.

Dh has a big deadline, so keeps disappearing to the bedroom to work. Baby is sleeping badly, so I'm exhausted.

Prior to coming here, we isolated for 9 days as one of the relatives here is elderly. Dh works from home and I'm on mat leave so it wasn't too much hassle. But I felt very cooped up.

We have been in the house Christmas eve and boxing day. Agreed we'd take the kids to a country park on boxing day, but not go inside anywhere. But dh is now saying he doesn't want to, as it will be raining. As I don't drive, I'm literally stuck here.

I feel so stressed.

@moanymoan
I learnt to drive in my thirties and from the start it was a disaster. Some people just aren't cut out for driving. I wasn't. And it costs a fortune to learn, and to maintain a car. DH spent over £1000 on car repairs last month. It's not environmentally friendly either. I haven't driven now for years and years and never intend to again. So please don't listen to all the naysayers.

@RobertsYourFathersBrother
Hear hear! Some people are so sanctimonious. I learnt to drive in my thirties after more than 100 lessons. What a waste of time and money in my case! Driving is not mandatory - and in many cases it is not desirable.

@ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs oh dear.

1. Tell husband he needs to step up or it's time to go!
2. Make a huge mess everywhere and let the kids be really annoying so you're in laws ask you to leave

Yes please don’t bash people who can’t drive. I’ve tried to learn many times and failed lots of tests. It’s not that easy for some people

@Mrspup

My in laws have a house in the country side which is obviously worth a lot less than what we worked so hard to pay for down south. The reason why the value is relevant is because the in laws obviously do not like our career choices or life style or the way we are bringing up our children. I miss my expensive house because it's our life, our career, our dc. It's everything that is not with our in laws. Yes I do think if they had a more similar house to ours things might be different. They might understand why 1 might not want to do a 9 to 5 job, my FIL might have been able to do some sort of cooking & they might be able to understand I'm not a bad mother/ wife because their son also does some cooking & they might not think that I was on mat leave so I should be the sole person to put our dc to bed get our dc back to sleep at night. I think I'm being shamed by both my in laws & some of you because of our life style choices. I'm not ashamed to say I'm looking forward to going back to my life style down south & the expensive house we have worked really really hard for.

Your ‘expensive house’ is still totally irrelevant to everything you’ve said. Again. You seem to like to mention it quite a lot and in several posts.

Is her ‘expensive house’ irrelevant though? If she’s spent money and worked hard to have a lovely home, I can see why she wouldn’t want to spend prolonged periods in someone’s far less comfortable house, especially at Christmas

It sounds like your needs are the bottom of the pile here. Your partner's behaviour sounds very self focused. Why can't he just drop you off and pick you up at an agreed time later. You are more patient than I am. I would be vocalising my discontent quite loudly at this point and asserting my need to return home amongst my own comforts imminently. He may have a deadline but looking after young children trumps most jobs in my view. Start expressing your needs and see that he isn't really considering them too much whilst you say little about it.

@Notwithittoday
Hear hear. People can be so sanctimonious. We're not all cut out for driving. Besides which it is expensive and bad for the environment.

@letmeeatcrisps

Ffs mumsnet “why don’t you drive”. I’m not OP but I don’t drive as I grew up in London and never needed to, I now live rurally and it’s a massive pain in the arse relying on DP to get milk, and having people constantly look down on us for only having one car etc “Why don’t you drive” -I hear it all the time and honestly the small minded ness is so annoying! (Obv someone hit a nerve this 3.30am)

But why don't you learn now that it is hugely inconvenient to not be able to drive?

@Notwithittoday

Is her ‘expensive house’ irrelevant though? If she’s spent money and worked hard to have a lovely home, I can see why she wouldn’t want to spend prolonged periods in someone’s far less comfortable house, especially at Christmas

I don’t think it was referring to the interiors and comfort, more the fact the house itself isn’t as grandeur as her own. Really snobby.

Anyone heard of the little inconvenience of a congestion charge in London? Don't forget that expenditure when adding up the cost of driving in the city

@Ericaequites

Have you tried finding a parking space and paying for it in NYC? It’s unaffordable for nearly all people.

Have you thought about knocking down the Statue of Liberty and turning it into a car park? It’s what modern cities do, apparently

You need to reconsider your 'not driving' situation. As someone who learned to drive at 17, along with everyone else in the family, I find it strange & limiting, particularly if you live outside London. Although you currently have a partner to rely on, that may not always be the situation, and as a mother you may need the ability to drive. Driving opens up career opportunities, social possibilities, holiday options etc. If you could drive, your intransigent partner would not be an issue. Although he is neither understanding nor supportive and may not be a keeper if he is treating you like this. Do yourself a favour, learn to drive before you are in a situation where you think I wish I could drive.

I can drive. I paid untold money for lessons, passed my test and bought a nice little car.

So far, so good.

Shortly after this, I was diagnosed with epilepsy, so all my driving lessons and car go up in smoke.

Things aren't always that black and white.

Why’s everyone having a go at OP and others for not driving? Not everyone needs/wants/can afford to drive and that’s ok. More than ok in fact, because it means less congestion on the roads, cleaner air and fitter, healthier people. OP I think your DH was really selfish to take you to his in-laws and leave you at their mercy. Rude on them too to shut himself away during a visit. Don’t go away with him again if he can’t offer quality time to you and your kids.

@PinkSyCo
I totally agree with everything you have said. How dare people have a go at OP and others for not driving!!