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Original poster

stuck at in laws, dh refusing to go out

343 replies

moanymoan · 26/12/2021 01:31

Just wanted a moan.

Staying with in laws. I don't drive and bus routes are not running tomorrow (boxing day). We have young children, one of whom is a breastfed baby.

Inlaws are lovely, but I'm finding it wearing being in someone else's home, not being able to eat when I like, switch off from others, leave the mess until I want to clear up, sharing a bathroom with several others etc. They do things very differently to me, like having long meals at the table, rarely having the TV on.

Dh has a big deadline, so keeps disappearing to the bedroom to work. Baby is sleeping badly, so I'm exhausted.

Prior to coming here, we isolated for 9 days as one of the relatives here is elderly. Dh works from home and I'm on mat leave so it wasn't too much hassle. But I felt very cooped up.

We have been in the house Christmas eve and boxing day. Agreed we'd take the kids to a country park on boxing day, but not go inside anywhere. But dh is now saying he doesn't want to, as it will be raining. As I don't drive, I'm literally stuck here.

I feel so stressed.

OP posts:
gannett · 27/12/2021 10:26

Only on MN is saying "I don't want to go out because it's raining" considered unreasonable.

RampantIvy · 27/12/2021 10:37

I agree @gannett. The weather has been utterly miserable here. I have waterproof clothes, but I get no joy walking in the rain in low light levels when it is only 1 or 2 degrees C, especially as a glasses wearer.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 27/12/2021 11:19

The level of ignorance shown by @ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs is astounding.

I’ve lived in Australia and seen my cousins getting their driving licences. It’s infinitely easier than getting one in the UK where I got mine.

Many buildings and pretty much all the roads in the uk predate cars so they’re much harder to navigate once you do pass. Our roads are busier and narrower and, as the OP has a driving phobia, have much more potential to be stressful for her.

OP, I wouldn’t be paying attention to someone who has so little idea about British roads and driving requirements. Even less to someone who thinks flattening housing for parking is a good idea and refuses to listen to people who actually live in London and say cars are not required.

The uk is 32 times smaller with about 3 times the population. We need housing more than parking.

Lucillesbigsister · 27/12/2021 11:24

I would have wrapped up warm and gone got a big walk with the baby

RampantIvy · 27/12/2021 11:25

Many buildings and pretty much all the roads in the uk predate cars so they’re much harder to navigate once you do pass.

There are loads of Victorian terraced houses where I lived. If enough were knocked down to make parking spaces there wouldn't be enough housing for everyone. I think ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs has no idea what a typical UK town or city looks like.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 27/12/2021 11:37

@Bluesheep8

Why don't you drive?

What does it matter what the reason is?
It's not as though she can change the fact by telling us why.

Ah - but then posters wouldn’t have the opportunity to kick a poster when she’s down
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 27/12/2021 11:42

[quote ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs]@Changechangychange In modern cities they bulldoze homes that old to make multilevel parks. It's part of living in a modern and everchanging city. But of course, London is very backward.[/quote]
I live outside of London but don't have off street parking as it's a terraced street. Are you seriously suggesting my home should be bulldozed to make way for parking? And where do you suggest I live when my home is flattened?

Better to be backward than stupid!

stepbackfromthecircles · 27/12/2021 11:48

I learnt to drive. I drove for many years. My disability has stopped that. I now have to rely on other people and unlicensed transport. Not everyone can not drive out of choice.

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 27/12/2021 12:07

Only on MN is saying "I don't want to go out because it's raining" considered unreasonable.

My in laws consider this unreasonable too, but they’re from part of the U.K. where it rains most of the time…

Postitmug · 27/12/2021 12:08

@ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs
Wtf? You think people who can't drive for medical reasons should not have children?

I do drive by the way. And I have DC. When my DC had a true medical emergency I called 999.

Changechangychange · 27/12/2021 16:39

@ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs I’m sorry you live in a backwater, with no amenities within walking distance, and I’m sorry you live somewhere with a local government that hasn’t invested in core infrastructure such as public transport. I’ve lived in many cities internationally, not just in London, and none of them had bulldozed their historic core to make way for multi-storey car parks. I’ve also stayed with friends who lived in Sydney, and guess what, it’s not easy to park in the CBD there either. Maybe out in the distant suburbs where you are.

Have you thought about moving somewhere decent, rather than some soulless car-bound suburb? It would be better for your children to have some independence, rather than being forced to rely on lifts everywhere. It’s so infantilising for them - they will really resent their lack of freedom. Not great parenting really.

Nanny0gg · 27/12/2021 16:44

[quote ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs]@Changechangychange In modern cities they bulldoze homes that old to make multilevel parks. It's part of living in a modern and everchanging city. But of course, London is very backward.[/quote]
Or proud and respectful of its history and craftsmanship.

You really are trolling now

Changechangychange · 27/12/2021 16:54

@Nanny0gg it’s not even remotely accurate anyway - I don’t know any modern city that has bulldozed its city centre to build more car parks. She’s making herself look very parochial and backwards, honestly I’m embarrassed for her. She’s clearly never set foot anywhere outside of her little hometown.

C8H10N4O2 · 27/12/2021 16:55

her little hometown

Or under her little bridge.

NandorTheRelentless · 27/12/2021 17:42

@letmeeatcrisps

Ffs mumsnet “why don’t you drive”. I’m not OP but I don’t drive as I grew up in London and never needed to, I now live rurally and it’s a massive pain in the arse relying on DP to get milk, and having people constantly look down on us for only having one car etc “Why don’t you drive” -I hear it all the time and honestly the small minded ness is so annoying! (Obv someone hit a nerve this 3.30am)
so.... why don't you drive then? You need to now, you even say it in your own post???
perfectstorm · 27/12/2021 17:44

[quote ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs]@Mummyoflittledragon The test is very hard to pass in Australia, you need to show proof you've had 200 hours of practice, for one, and the physical test is quite detailed. BUT we still do it because it is EXPECTED of us. And, many of us pass on the first go. 😂😂[/quote]
Australia is a federal country. Different states have completely different licensing arrangements. Australia also values history and heritage, and does not bulldoze her heritage buildings.

Odd, for an Australian not to know these things.

ALongHardWinter · 27/12/2021 17:44

What is it with Mumsnetters asking posters why they don't drive?!

HerculesMullligan · 27/12/2021 17:45

“Why don’t you drive?”

Well I don’t know about the OP but for me it’s because I’ve never fancied being in sole control of a vehicle that can seriously injure or kill others in a split second. And I’m fed up with some people being unable to comprehend some people just don’t drive.

Leedsfan247 · 27/12/2021 17:51

It’s only a couple of days, suck it up

Bertiebiscuit · 27/12/2021 17:57

Sounds like you are no one's priority, not even your own - why is your DH absenting himself from family life, why are you somewhere you don't want to be, why can't you express milk, and leave his parents babysitting while the 2 of take the chance to go out - he sounds like the selfish son of selfish selfish parents - how bad will your life get if this is the kind of treatment you tolerate??? P s in the new year set up your escape fund in secret, learn to drive stop breastfeeding, babies get weaned, get a good babysitter or just go out and leave him with his child - you need to get your life (and your backbone) back - you sound like one of those Mormon sister wives

SamSoSer · 27/12/2021 17:58

Oh.... I feel for you! Have you escaped yet?
This happened to me years ago.... the only thing was I’d crossed the Atlantic to be with the in laws😱

Roxy69 · 27/12/2021 18:04

Go for a walk and you might actually find not having the t v on makes complete sense. Just because people do things differently from you doesn't make life bad. Next year stay at home.

mam0918 · 27/12/2021 18:05

@letmeeatcrisps

Ffs mumsnet “why don’t you drive”. I’m not OP but I don’t drive as I grew up in London and never needed to, I now live rurally and it’s a massive pain in the arse relying on DP to get milk, and having people constantly look down on us for only having one car etc “Why don’t you drive” -I hear it all the time and honestly the small minded ness is so annoying! (Obv someone hit a nerve this 3.30am)
TBF I live in a rural area of the north-east and non of my friends drive, I only learned to drive in my 30's and its not that worth it to be honest.

Driving does give you mildly more freedom but it's extremely expensive (the reason most I know don't drive - £1k in lessons and tests, £1k for a 20 year old car, £500 in insurance, £150 in tax, £50 yearly MOT and that doesn't include the petrol or cost to fix things even the standard upkeep fixes like new tires, new battery, new wipers or buying car new car seats for the kids) + stressful and hard work.

fetchacloth · 27/12/2021 18:10

OP this must be awful for you and I think your DH is being very selfish by not picking up some of the parenting at this time.

That aside, once you are back home, maybe think about learning to drive. Whilst covid is going on, it will be a slow process, but so worthwhile once you've passed your test. As others have said, maybe consider it as a New Year resolution.

ShippingNews · 27/12/2021 18:11

@ALongHardWinter

What is it with Mumsnetters asking posters why they don't drive?!
Because that is a main part of OP's problem - she can't drive so she is stuck in the house .
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