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Christmas

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I will be spending Christmas running around like a headless chicken and eating sandwiches on the side of the road. Great.

273 replies

WillyWonkster · 21/12/2021 20:01

I’m dreading Christmas. My DH and I have 3 sets of ‘households’ to visit and so are having to carefully time our day.
All 3 sets of people are being bloody difficult, they have their own plans (which overlap) and they aren’t budging. 2 of them are renowned for being 2-3 hours late to things too, so I just know if we do come up with a plan it will be left in tatters. And I’ll then be called ‘uptight’.

When we suggest they move things forward or back 30 mins to give us more time to dash across the county we’re met with pursed lips and accusations that we ‘don’t care enough’ and ‘we’re being selfish’. Not going isn’t an option, the fall out would be huge.

Currently we won’t make it in time for Christmas lunch ‘at 3pm prompt’ at household 2 but will they move lunch half an hour, hell will they. So they are happy for us to leave household 1, grab a sandwich from a petrol station and sit in a forecourt for an hour or so before turning up ‘at a reasonable time’ to household 2 (I.e after they’ve eaten Christmas dinner). I should add we can’t have Christmas dinner at household 1 because we’re not bloody invited! They are literally kicking us out!
Just fuck off all of you!!!!!!!!!!
Rant over, needed to get that off my chest.

OP posts:
Kbear · 21/12/2021 23:23

Buy your Christmas food, stay at home and tell them the car won't start! Next year go away for Christmas. Don't tolerate this shit.

OMICHristmasOn · 21/12/2021 23:25

Been there , done that, the fall out was SPECTACULAR, and Christmas is a joy again

Mamanyt · 21/12/2021 23:34

"I'm sorry, that doesn't work for us/me." Hardest words in the world to learn to say. Took me YEARS to do it, but they changed my life! You have taught these people to expect you to adjust your entire life, and what should be a relaxing day with family, into a road race. They will continue to do so until you firmly put a stop to it. YES, there will be massive fall out the first year, and possibly the second. It is even possible that they won't invite you again, and you can stay home, fix your own meal, and have a leisurely day with your OWN family! OH THE HORROR OF THAT PUNISHMENT!

I wish you luck. I really do.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 21/12/2021 23:44

I can only reiterate what everyone else has said.
I really hope you don't have dc in tow and you're not putting them through this.
It's so hard when people use terminal illness against you but unfortunately what you are having to to is beyond any reasonable expectation.

It feels cruel and punishing.
Dh relatives over seas did something similar once.we had small dc in tow and when a relative was always in place a they were in place b which meant a lot of extra driving etc
I realised they didn't care for dh.
No one would have done what they did if they did.. I wouldn't visit again.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 21/12/2021 23:45

Agree mamay

The fear of fall out, we don't even speak to them now!!

MarbleQueen · 21/12/2021 23:50

You’re being quite ridiculous. And you’re also playing the victim.

saraclara · 21/12/2021 23:50

@WillyWonkster

We have put our foot down and told them all what we are going to be doing and our timings. If they leave us on the doorstep/kick off because we’re leaving before they want us to then fuck em.
So are you having Christmas dinner with one of them now?
Rainartist · 21/12/2021 23:51

I suspect you may be "coming down with symptoms" Wink further evidence can be obtained from a fruitshoot poured on a lateral flow test...

PoshWatchShitShoes · 21/12/2021 23:52

Your Christmas sounds miserable. Why put yourself through that? It's as simple as saying "this year we've decided to spend Christmas at home, you're welcome to us or we'll see you Boxing Day".

CPL593H · 21/12/2021 23:52

Well, more fool you, TBH.

Yuledo · 21/12/2021 23:56

Hiya unfortunately as dinner can’t be moved by half an hour we would end up eating a sandwich at a garage as I’m sure you completely agree we can’t do this on Christmas Day so we will see you in the days after. Have a lovely Christmas Day”

BornOnTwelfthNight · 21/12/2021 23:57

You say your parents are the nice ones, so dhs family are the ones being difficult. I’m guessing either his parents have separated so feels he has to visit both, or one household are his parents and the other his grandparent(s).
But tbh with your current timings you won’t be getting a Christmas dinner at all. So I would head to your parents and spend the day there.

Do the others on Boxing Day.

Or you could buy a bit of time and say one of you have had a positive lft test on Christmas Eve and you have to isolate until you get a pcr. But won’t be able to get one on Christmas Day so will have to wait until you can get one and spend Christmas at home!

It’s just crazy to spend all day trying to navigate 3 households with nothing but a sandwich to eat on Christmas Day!

Mulhollandmagoo · 21/12/2021 23:57

So, you're not having Christmas Dinner? The best part of the day and having service station sarnies to avoid upsetting people who KNOW you won't be having a Christmas dinner and having service station sarnies and don't care enough to do anything about it?

See the terminally ill family member and then go home and eat drink and be merry!

CorvusPurpureus · 22/12/2021 00:06

Cautionary tale here OP.

When my mother was in her late 50s, & I was in my mid 30s with her adorable dgc clustered sweetly around the tree, I asked her why she kept turning down my invitations to Big Family Christmas.

She explained that she had cooked Xmas Dinner for her own large family of older siblings as the youngest from age 15, carried on doing so for her own mother AND her MIL as an 18yo bride, carried on doing so as a dutiful youngest daughter in her early 20s through morning sickness & November babies, smiled along when her MIL insisted on Doing It Better On Boxing Day, & had her bottom pinched by drunken BILs who had been dispatched to the kitchen by her sisters to 'help', then later taken everything over completely once her dm & then MIL successively got frail; so for roughly 30 years cooked Xmas dinner, for two days running, for large crowds including people she disliked, in someone else's knackered kitchen.

By the time both my grandmothers had died, my mother had decided that she'd had enough of EVERYONE'S shit when it comes to Xmas Dinner. After decades of cooking it & hating it, she just wants M&S in front of the telly with dad (who did not exactly cover himself with glory - his requirements for those years appear to have been a quiet life & no one making him eat sprouts) & anyone with different notions gets told precisely where to put them.

No, she does not want to come to me OR my brother because she promised herself No Cooking & Also No Travelling Ever Again. Also Fuck Turkey.

My dB & I would both love to invite her & df...but she's said NoThankYou, she's explained why & we get it...& we know she has no intention of relenting.

OP, you also have a veto. My mum says now that if she could change anything about those 60s/70s Christmases, she'd have just informed everyone that she was having Xmas with her dh & dc, & put her foot very firmly down & done it her way.

Exercise the veto! You're very busy, shame everyone's plans don't align, ah well, that is what the week before NYE is designed for.

sarah13xx · 22/12/2021 00:09

We had a similar dilemma but my partner now has covid and I hate to say it but I’m kinda glad we don’t have to trail round all those houses now 🙈

whynotwhatknot · 22/12/2021 00:16

so you have to visit or ruin their day but number one wont even offer you dinner

nice

sicknote26 · 22/12/2021 00:30

Don't go, use covid as your excuse as you want to limit mixing.

ZombieMumEB · 22/12/2021 00:45

"grab a sandwich from a petrol station and sit in a forecourt for an hour or so"

It doesn't take an hour or so to eat a sandwich. You're exaggerating to make yourself appear as a victim, but this is 100% your choice.

Stop being a drama llama, pull your socks up and act like an adult.

Apologize to the family that have invited you to lunch, for expecting them and their guests to cater to your schedule, and either go on time to their house and enjoy the meal, or stay home and cook yourself a Christmas lunch.

CoffeeMuggins · 22/12/2021 00:49

@ZombieMumEB

"grab a sandwich from a petrol station and sit in a forecourt for an hour or so"

It doesn't take an hour or so to eat a sandwich. You're exaggerating to make yourself appear as a victim, but this is 100% your choice.

Stop being a drama llama, pull your socks up and act like an adult.

Apologize to the family that have invited you to lunch, for expecting them and their guests to cater to your schedule, and either go on time to their house and enjoy the meal, or stay home and cook yourself a Christmas lunch.

It seems you got bored of reading part way through, which is just silly if you actually plan to respond.

grab a sandwich from a petrol station and sit in a forecourt for an hour or so before turning up ‘at a reasonable time’ to household 2 (I.e after they’ve eaten Christmas dinner)

TempNameChangexx · 22/12/2021 01:09

But you're still being a martyr by going.
Just don't go....

mellicauli · 22/12/2021 01:10

They all have their own plans that they won't change. So there you go - sorry but you are not central to their plans. A nice to have, not a must have. Choose what you want to do and do that thing.

Bunnyfuller · 22/12/2021 01:14

Erm….at what point are you adults, and say ‘ah, if we do this we will miss lunch and only eat garage sandwiches’

Seriously op, come on. This is ridiculous

ZombieMumEB · 22/12/2021 01:20

"It seems you got bored of reading part way through, which is just silly if you actually plan to respond."

@CoffeeMuggins no I didn't get bored of reading, because I read this part first:
"Currently we won’t make it in time for Christmas lunch ‘at 3pm prompt’ at household 2 but will they move lunch half an hour, hell will they."

She won't make it in time as she'll be spending an hour eating a sandwich ... so that she'll then turn up late and miss Christmas lunch with household 2.

This is how she will be playing the victim, so she has something to complain about how it's everyone else who is wrong for not bending to her over packed schedule.

Dancingonmoonlight · 22/12/2021 01:21

You are being the unreasonable one here OP telling yourself how important it is that you must visit three different households on Xmas Day. It seems that none of the three households particularly want you there. If they did, they would invite you to eat with them, move their mealtime to accommodate you and have food waiting for you on your arrival.
Have you considered that when you are stuffing a sandwich into your mouth in your haste to get to another house, that they are at home hoping you aren't going to turn up?
Be a grown up and tell them you will visit them on another day that suits you and them. This idea that it is seen as your duty stems from your own hang up from your childhood upbringing and/or a sense of self importance.

Blossom64265 · 22/12/2021 02:01

Please at least tell us you aren’t dragging children along on this festive drudge.

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