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Original poster

What to buy someone who saves EVERYTHING "for best"?

196 replies

TooWicked · 17/12/2021 13:17

At my wits end with my mum and what to buy her. Everything gets put away for "best", only 'best' never seems to come around.

Expensive perfume has been left unused and goes off. Cashmere cardigan placed in the wardrobe unworn and now moth eaten. Posh candle remained unlit and even if it were lit now there'd be no smell from it anyway. A lovely teapot and mug stored away in the kitchen cupboard in case it gets chipped. Ugg slippers are too good to wear every day, I'm not sure they've been worn at all yet. Gift voucher for a lovely local restaurant got left until it had expired because there wasn't an occasion good enough to warrant it.

She doesn't read, do jigsaws, gardening or have any real hobbies that I can think of. And I feel it's a total waste buying anything expensive. I'm at the point of just going to buy her a load of tat from B&M.

Help please!

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 18/12/2021 01:22

48 loo rolls

Put primark labels on nice things

Seeds for the garden

Something from etsy and tell her that the seller (a friend) needs good reviews to help her sales so could she use it quickly and then do a review to help the seller

Angrymum22 · 18/12/2021 01:30

Op if she has stacks of expensive perfume she has put away, if it’s stil boxed and unopened it can last for years. I regularly buy my favourite purgume on eBay sites, the old formulation was so much better.
It sells for much more than a new bottle. I’m currently using a 1984 vintage.
Don’t let her throw them out just sell them.
As for a present I buy my mil who also puts everything sway, a big hamper of food every Christmas. Small quantities of things she enjoys but wouldn’t buy for herself.

Andrea87 · 18/12/2021 02:14

She might appreciate a gift such as Sponsoring a poor child through school, surgery or a donation in her name to a charity, maybe she has a favourite one? I have bought goats and toilets for people in other countries with my parents name on in the past. Or a lottery ticket for a couple of weeks?

OfMinceAndMen · 18/12/2021 04:10

A magazine subscription?

My mum is a nightmare to buy for too. I once thought "you can't go wrong with food" and made her a hamper of really usable ingredients. She gave me most of them back saying "you take these because I'll only eat them if they're here". Errm, that was sort of the point!
This year I've got her a 100 Stars kimono. I'm sure she won't wear it, but I can't waste any more time on thinking about it!

CorsicaDreaming · 18/12/2021 04:25

@TooWicked - print off a homemade "Mum's Treat" voucher. Say you'd love to take her out for a day and will pay for lunch. National Trust property / museum / cinema / etc - whatever you fancy doing and think she will like.

Then she can either agree and you do it.
Or if she never gets round to it you've not shelled out on another thing she then doesn't use.

P.S - my mum is very similar with posh food and it all gets left until it's borderline inedible - then you are offered them at the next visit!

Vanishun · 18/12/2021 05:44

I've wasted SO much money over the years because of this.

Reframing it though, some of the pps have said they like the gifts and were touched by them, even if they don't use them. So maybe that's the key here, frustrating as it is?

Frannibananni · 18/12/2021 05:59

A flower or magazine subscription

ElftonWednesday · 18/12/2021 06:01

Used to drive me nuts that I couldn't wear/use nice new things straight away when I was a kid. Clothes that I got to wear a couple of times then grew out if.

DM comes from a time when I guess there weren't as many material goods around and she got into serious trouble from parents if she damaged things. But it can get quite extreme for some people.

DM isn't like that about her own stuff now, thankfully. She still occasionally tries it with DDs "Save that for best", and I just tell them to wear/use it.

CheshireDing · 18/12/2021 06:14

My Grandma was like this too, liked to receive the nice stuff but then never used it! She was super frugal, I presume it’s generational/war time frugality make do and all that.

I did take her to the cinema to watch Mamma Mia and got her a Costa and bit of cake beforehand, she loved that (and was singing in the cinema) 🤣🤣

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2021 06:45

I am a bit like this as well. Still using the old towels despite having new ones. Clothes used to be kept for best. I do tend to buy things to replace the old ones with holes in them then keep wearing the ones with holes in them until they’re too bad. I do have a few nice dresses and wear them when I leave the house. My wardrobe is expansive as I’ve put on a lot of weight so several unworn or barely worn items I can’t bear to part with… in case I stop being so ill.

BertieBotts · 18/12/2021 06:52

Allegedly, the value of a gift is in the thought given to the recipient and their joy on receiving that statement "You matter to me".

I don't see it like that at all, though! If somebody gives me a gift I can't use I feel absolutely terrible. And when I get somebody a gift, I imagine them using it and would be quite put out if I think they would not.

Italianmeringuebuttercream · 18/12/2021 07:30

You've just described my dmil. I've got her everything thing from clothes to kitchen utensils and everything in between. She uses none of it! This year I bought her bubble bath. If she doesn't use it, her dd will!

CoolShoeshine · 18/12/2021 08:22

I do sympathise op, my mum is really similar, I think through she is really content with her lot in life and doesn’t want more stuff - which is a pretty positive state of mind really. But very difficult to buy for.
Perhaps you need to be straight with her and say that you’ve noticed that she doesn’t use the things you have bought her so is there anything is really needs that she will actually use.
However don’t be despondent because it sounds as though she gets pleasure looking at the things you have bought her, even if she doesn’t use them for their actual purpose.

dottiedodah · 18/12/2021 09:38

I am always a little bit nervous of Candles with older folk. I think she probably feels a little "unworthy" of such nice gifts though .My SD was like this ,he would be thrilled with any presents .Maybe not so much cash about then .Does she watch TV a lot ,what about a monthly subscription . Also what about a Tea and Cake voucher for a nice hotel or nearby Garden centre . Spa Day (You go too and make a day of it)! You are either a perfume gal or youre not I think!

Toplowlight · 18/12/2021 09:49

Maybe something that doesn’t get used up, like art / framed photos / books / plants / ornaments etc.

ssd · 18/12/2021 09:54

Jigsaw

alwaysmovingforwards · 18/12/2021 10:01

Why not make a charitable donation to something she cares about.

Crabapple04 · 18/12/2021 10:10

I'd go with framed family photo/ family calendar /photo book.
I think most people over a certain age don't really want or need "things" anyway and at the moment it's company that matters and time spent with family is valuable.

honeylemonteaforme · 18/12/2021 10:13

Would she use a tablet (iPad) or is that too newfangled?
I got my mum one and she plays games on it when my dad is napping

notacooldad · 18/12/2021 10:14

I'd go with framed family photo/ family calendar /photo book
My mum regufred photo stuff back to me. She also ga e me all my school photos and photos of her grand children.
Pointless buying her anything but if I didnt she would haunt me from her grave! Cant win.

Mrsjayy · 18/12/2021 10:15

I see you sorted her something @TooWicked hopefully she can't keep a magazine for best !

Mangozesty · 18/12/2021 10:26

This is pretty sad. My mum did this on a much smaller scale, I then said to her one day why do you save everything for a special occasion, everyday is a special occasion. I know that sounds a bit twee, but it worked and she doesn't do it anymore, nor do I.
I did it with a very expensive perfume once and it went off so I didn't get to enjoy it at all.

apinions · 18/12/2021 10:31

My DM is like this, and although can afford them now, she doesn't think she deserves nice things, maybe as it's just so ingrained in her. The last gift I bought her was a nice umbrella and she did actually use it.

I'm a bit like this, probably because of my upbringing. So when I buy something I like, if it's not something expensive then I buy another the same so that I have one for every day and one for best in case the everyday one gets worn out/stained etc!

mam0918 · 18/12/2021 10:48

@CheshireDing

My Grandma was like this too, liked to receive the nice stuff but then never used it! She was super frugal, I presume it’s generational/war time frugality make do and all that.

I did take her to the cinema to watch Mamma Mia and got her a Costa and bit of cake beforehand, she loved that (and was singing in the cinema) 🤣🤣

See I have been described as having this 'old-time hoarding mentality' by people and people say it's to do with the war (obviously not Im only mid-30s) but that's tosh.

The world has always been like us all through history... it's actually the opposite many people are commercialised and that's the very modern and odd thing.

Nobody needs new slippers if they have perfectly comfortable practical ones they are still using and brand name will never change that.

It's funny everyone wants to 'save the world' and 'buy less tat' but they think that means buying completely unnecessary 'luxury' stuff but if it's not needed it's frankly 'tat' regardless of cost or name which means nothing.

I honestly wish people would stop attempting to 'upgrade' my stuff for me.

I don't want more of the same things I already have unless the one I have is broken beyond use but people buy me random crap then accuse me of being a 'hoarder' for not throwing out my perfectly good stuff for no reason and using the new one.

It's just a wasteful unenvironmental mindset people have.

Snugglepumpkin · 18/12/2021 11:04

My mother was a save for best person for most of her life until they downsized from a massive multi-storey house to a small bungalow.

I used to just take her out for a really nice dinner/afternoon out somewhere with a stop in a café & I think she regarded the time spent together as the gift rather than whatever thing I could give her that wasn't my time.