What to buy someone who saves EVERYTHING "for best"?

[TooWicked]

At my wits end with my mum and what to buy her. Everything gets put away for "best", only 'best' never seems to come around.

Expensive perfume has been left unused and goes off. Cashmere cardigan placed in the wardrobe unworn and now moth eaten. Posh candle remained unlit and even if it were lit now there'd be no smell from it anyway. A lovely teapot and mug stored away in the kitchen cupboard in case it gets chipped. Ugg slippers are too good to wear every day, I'm not sure they've been worn at all yet. Gift voucher for a lovely local restaurant got left until it had expired because there wasn't an occasion good enough to warrant it.

She doesn't read, do jigsaws, gardening or have any real hobbies that I can think of. And I feel it's a total waste buying anything expensive. I'm at the point of just going to buy her a load of tat from B&M.

Help please!

Your mum is being polite, she doesn't like fancy shit.
I always used to get my nan a huge pot of astral cream and my grandad a big bar of fruit and nut.

I'm seeing loads of stuff on this page that I fancy for myself, nothing at all for my mum though! 🤣

I've done food before, I made a hamper full of lovely things for Boxing Day breakfast with fresh coffee and a cafatiere, and stuff from our local farm shop and I kid you not, it was kept in the kitchen 'to look at' until all the fresh stuff had expired. She's probably still got the marmalade in the cupboard gathering dust. I organised a cheese and port delivery for them last year, the port is still in the drinks cabinet.

Vouchers get left to expire, regardless of what they are for.

Regular flowers or a magazine subscription are a good idea.

In all seriousness I do think she needs therapy or some kind of help. I don't know where it stems from but it can't be normal or pleasurable to live life in that way. I remember as a kid not being allowed to open or eat any of the special Christmas food or chocolates they'd got in as it was all being saved for "the day" and then even Christmas Day wasn't good enough to open it all. There's a bottle of Sheridan's liqueur in their drinks cabinet (does anyone remember that stuff?) that is literally solid in the bottle because in the 30 years since they bought it no occasion has been 'best' enough to crack it open. I've gone the completely opposite way, nothing gets saved in our house, whether it's something for me or something for us all, we just get on and open/use it and enjoy it.

My dm is like this to some extent but not as extreme as your dm, I know what you mean about keeping things for best and it never comes

I remember as a kid not being allowed to open or eat any of the special Christmas food or chocolates they'd got in as it was all being saved for "the day" and then even Christmas Day wasn't good enough to open it all.

That's sad. Sounds too deep-rooted to fix at this stage.

Can you give her a really prosaic gift like a new bin or something like that. Something that she'd have to use.

Sounds really hard op. I would be tempted to just get her cheaper stuff - e.g. the 'naice' candle range from homebargains look as nice as expensive ones and either she might actually use them but if not at least it won't be as infuriating for you as a waste of money when she doesn't.

If not maybe a voucher but preliminary book in a date (e.g. fir a meal, Nat trust visit, afternoon tea etc) or even just tell her you've booked x date - say she can of course change the date if its not convenient. Perhaps having a date booked in might stop the issue with her never having an occasion good enough to use it.

Otherwise - books? Gardening gloves? Socks?!?!

Consumables but you need to downgrade and buy the stuff she regularly uses. Her favourite tea bags even if they are Tetley, Hartley's jam etc. What toilettries does she use? Look in the bathroom and if she likes Dove shower cream buy the £2.99 gift set or the Nivea face cream. She sounds practical and probably prefers gifts like this.

Calendar with your kids photos on it
Slippers
Nightie
Gloves

Are we related OP? Are you from the NW? My Grandma was like this and all her sisters, my mum is the same and sadly I have tendencies to do this with clothes.

I buy mum:
M&S vouchers - she uses them to buy essentials ie underwear or the ready meal when she can't be bother cooking
Mid-price range hand cream
Chocolate, biscuits or food items I know she likes but would never buy herself (think Waitrose expensive salted nuts, not a packet of digestives

Flowers/plant
Ornament
Candle
Diffuser
Electric wax melt burner
Hamper
Tickets for something she likes
Afternoon tea voucher or restaurant voucher
Slippers/pjs, surely they aren't kept for best!

neonjumper
Food....that can't be kept for best!
Well, according to my son-in-law it can! A few years ago,I gave him a box of luxury chocolates for Christmas. They had a best before date of the end of August the following year. My DD asked him several times over the following months when he was going to open them,but he kept saying he was saving them for a special occasion. They ended up being thrown away in the end. I was

Buy a bouquet of flowers or Christmas wreath?

Books - don't expire or need saving for best.

I bought my mum and a voucher for a nice hotel with dinner paid on They asked why would they want that and gave utbne back. It was about of their comfort zone or anything and they had a lovely meal there sometime before and liked it.
Honestly their house feels like a newly discovered cave, nice and tidy but with nothing in it!
She likes it like that. Not sure about my dad but after 60 years hes not going to change owt!
Maybe buy something that you fancy and she may regift it back!

Oh my god!!!
this was my DH who caught it from his mother. It drove me mental. Cupboard was full of untouched things. They would end up throwing things away rather than use them.

Honestly next time you are round fish put the teapot and cups out and just put the kettle on and then say "isnt this a treat?" then dig out the candle- light it and pop it onto he mantle piece.

With consumables like wine amd what not I just get them open it before I can get told off and say "it will go off otherwise! Let's enjoy it!"

Slowly cracking mils insanity but it's taking longer. Dh will now actually wear new clothes and coats etc. Rather than "save for best"

I would give her a nice plant and a box of mid fancy chocolates and open them while there and eat a few yourself to "break the seal".

@NuffSaidSam

Buy her a cheap candle, a cardigan and slippers from Primark and some perfume from Next.

This is a good idea

How about a generous voucher for her local hairdresser as practical enough for her to us it.
Nice plant in a pot..she can't put it away.
Maybe a hamper of the everyday toiletries she does use..save her money.

What about a small fresh fruit basket? Or you could make one yourself obviously

OMG are you my sister?! 🤣 This is SO my mum.

I don't bother buying clothes anymore because no matter how 'normal' I think they are, they always get saved up for special occasions. Same with perfume or make up. I did get her some earrings last year which she likes but again, rarely wears.

I've come to the conclusion that even though she doesn't use most of the things I get her, she still loves them and loves to receive them. She thinks they are special.

However, I do rarely buy her anything like that now. Experiences are a really great idea, but I was reluctant this year as I didn't really want to send her and my dad to the theatre etc with COVID rearing it's head again.

I have got her practical things this year: hair straighteners which she mentioned she needed, a satin-lined woolly hat for dog-walking and a new bum bag for this too (it's leather though so will 100% get saved for best FFS), and something else that I can't remember.

I don't know about your mum but she also likes skincare and will use that, if that's an option? Have also previously got her a vouchers to get her nails done.

• A fresh Christmas table decoration
• A specific day out, experience that is not an open ended voucher

Eg local theatre tickets

• personalised mug
• a picture

A calendar. She has to use it next year!

I would just get her less expensive items. So instead of uggs just normal slippers. My grandma has simple tastes so I try to respect that and she appreciates lesser value items more I think as the expensive things make her feel uncomfortable

Flowers. A Christmas arrangement, sent in advance. She has no choice but to enjoy it right now.

@neonjumper You didn’t see my late mum’s food cupboards! After she died we took boxes and boxes of years-old expired food to the tip.

My mum was exactly like that @TooWicked. Everything good was “saved for best” and best never came. It’s so sad - all those nice things were wasted while she used threadbare towels and wore ancient shabby holey underwear. She wouldn’t even give things to me because she insisted she’d use them one day. All you can do is not buy these things. It just isn’t worth wasting the money and having the disappointment of seeing the gifts essentially rejected (and left to clutter the house).

Maybe she’d be happy with cheap basics or perhaps home made food, like a nice home made cake that “needs to be eaten up by Friday or it will be wasted”.

My dad used to ask for new socks, pants and vests every year. Just M&S basics. This all comes from childhood poverty when these things were a real treat. We used to buy him other stuff which he did like, but he was genuinely happy with a pack of M&S socks.

Yes, flowers and token gift.