What to buy someone who saves EVERYTHING "for best"?

[TooWicked]

At my wits end with my mum and what to buy her. Everything gets put away for "best", only 'best' never seems to come around.

Expensive perfume has been left unused and goes off. Cashmere cardigan placed in the wardrobe unworn and now moth eaten. Posh candle remained unlit and even if it were lit now there'd be no smell from it anyway. A lovely teapot and mug stored away in the kitchen cupboard in case it gets chipped. Ugg slippers are too good to wear every day, I'm not sure they've been worn at all yet. Gift voucher for a lovely local restaurant got left until it had expired because there wasn't an occasion good enough to warrant it.

She doesn't read, do jigsaws, gardening or have any real hobbies that I can think of. And I feel it's a total waste buying anything expensive. I'm at the point of just going to buy her a load of tat from B&M.

Help please!

The Marie Kondo book!

It may be a generational thing as my parents are like this. I think it stems from days where there things that we may take for granted today, is still considered to be a luxury expense.

However, how about getting her one of those 'experience' day or events type of thing eg afternoon tea, theatre trip. walking llamas, wine tasting, or a course.

She sounds completely worn down.

Totally not a dig but I think she might prefer a day out with some different company to a gift item.

Easier said than done these days but suggest taking her somewhere really nice for lunch

Does she watch Tv and have Netflix? if you install it on her TV then it will just be there to use. Theatre tickets are a good shout especially if you go with her.

Plants or maybe something boring and practical , that most people would hate, like towels or sheets.

Surely people do save things for best? You aren't always doing a 'best' activity. You'd hardly wear a lovely cashmere cardigan to clean out the kitchen bin or cook in, would you? I would pack that carefully away, and wear it when I went out somewhere more special.

For you mum - who is mostly at home - the flower subscription idea sounds a lovely one.

I'm like this a little, particularly with underwear and clothes.

It's because as a child I only had enough to keep me warm. No spare and certainly nothing frivolous.

Hard habit to break.

I think the ops mum Is not using anything and keeping it "good" that's the issue.

I'm not a keep for best person at all. I wouldn't wear a cashmere jumper if I was painting, but I'd wear it to pop to the shops for a loaf of bread.

Please don't buy tat. Just buy a lovely food/wine/cheese subscription for her. Or a M&S voucher.

Cutting the tags off and saying it was from the charity shop is genius and might work with my mum too!

I'm making a real effort to use my nice things and wear my nice clothes but it's very hard when you've been brought up to save everything for best.
I think it comes from financial uncertainty, you don't know what's going to happen so best be prepared for the worst, you might regret getting rid of those threadbare towels one day when the fancy new ones wear out/get stolen/ abducted by aliens and you can't afford to buy any more!

@clairethewitch70

This is me unfortunately, I save things for best that never happens. Drummed into me as a child that thing were kept for best. My mum is still like it too. Ask for a new nighty every year, last years in the cupboard untouched. It has rubbed off onto me. I go through loads of candles. I keep buy cheap rubbish ones and leave my favorite best ones un burned. I wear horrible clothes ' around the house' , ones from the 80's and 90's and have gorgeous brand new clothes that I am 'keeping for best.' I work from home and always have. Lovely perfume and toiletries, gorgeous Emma Hardie and YSL skincare, and I buy cheap stuff in supermarkets. Unfortunately this was all drummed into me as a child.

You deserve to live well for now. Not using stuff is actually wasting it because the candles will lose the scent, the posh face cream and makeup will go off.. light the candles because it's a Monday or you've had a good day or just because you damn well feel like it I'm burning a £50 candle and feel absolutely no guilt because it's bloody gorgeous Light it until the wax has melted to the edges, blow it out. It'll scent for ages. Or you can leave it to lose the scent and then bin it and you'll feel worse doing that!!

And I don't think we're talking about cashmere cardigan level of 'best' either here. The OP says her DM saves everything for best.

Perfume, mugs, candles, slippers, food left to go off not eaten.

Obviously you wouldn't wear cashmere to do the housework, but if someone bought you some posh biscuits, cheese etc, you should eat it, even if it's just an ordinary day.

It's definitely a generational, pre- and post-war thing. My family weren't in poverty but very much working class. Times were hard and there wasn't much money around as some things were definitely viewed as frivolities. There was an expectation that you had at one nice outfit for special occasions and you had to look after it, even as kids.

My mum was horrified when she found out I wasted money getting my nails done and legs waxed. And my dad still insists that spending £40-50 on a bottle of nice whisky for him is too much (but he does drink it). Completely different times. My great aunt was almost 100 when she died about 10 years ago and she always kept tins of food under her bed/ stashed around the house. I always thought it was because she had been hungry during the war /couldn't feed her family as she'd liked / subject to rationing.

My MIL is exactly the same!

We either buy her tat that doesn’t cost much, or if she’s in need of a bigger, useful - like a new mattress or a new TV - we go for that. My husband sets it up and we dispose of the old one.

bigger, useful ITEM!

@clairethewitch70, liberate yourself. You can see it's not a way of living that 'sparks joy', to use that cheesy phrase. Start slowly by lighting one of your better candles, just for an hour. Spritz yourself with the nice perfume the next time you're leaving the house. By never using any of these things you're basically telling yourself that you don't deserve them.

@2022HereWeCome

It's definitely a generational, pre- and post-war thing. My family weren't in poverty but very much working class. Times were hard and there wasn't much money around as some things were definitely viewed as frivolities. There was an expectation that you had at one nice outfit for special occasions and you had to look after it, even as kids.

My mum was horrified when she found out I wasted money getting my nails done and legs waxed. And my dad still insists that spending £40-50 on a bottle of nice whisky for him is too much (but he does drink it). Completely different times. My great aunt was almost 100 when she died about 10 years ago and she always kept tins of food under her bed/ stashed around the house. I always thought it was because she had been hungry during the war /couldn't feed her family as she'd liked / subject to rationing.

Yes dm can be like it but she does like nice things, save it for best does feature in her vocabulary

She was born in the war and it has rubbed off me a bit but I have to fight against it

Ticket to an event or afternoon tea to go with you

@LincolnshireLassInLondon

My nanna was like this. It's a nightmare when it comes to gifts. What my mum and I used to do was buy new stuff we thought she'd like, cut the labels off, then said we got it at a really good price in the charity shop. She'd use it no bother after that and commend our thriftiness.

This is genius, and I wish I'd read this when my own grandmother (who was also like this) was alive!

Your present definitely needs to be taking her on a trip - a lunch, a National Trust House, a matinee etc.

Something shit from the pound shop, tell her to keep it for "best" 😂 Stop buying her stuff and take her for a meal/afternoon tea/cultural experience. She's too old to be educated out of that attitude.

@Elfonthesofa

My mum is like this.

The only useful present I have found for her is physical photos/albums of the kids. I use the free photo apps, so don't spend loads on her presents and feel guilty. But she likes them.

Wonder if this comes with age, I would want photos as an everyday thing but not as a specific Xmas pressy. Each to their own.

This is a little bit me, too! Wasn’t drummed in, definitely have struggled with self esteem issues in my life. I am now actively fighting against it but I still have a fancy bottle of fizz in the cupboard from our wedding two years ago. I did light the best candles recently but I had had them a few years. It helps when people give me a push, my husband lit the first candle and ran me a bath to enjoy it with. If someone else suggested opening the bottle I’d go for it. I do get a lot of joy from looking at the things if that’s any consolation.

Self esteem course / workbook
She doesn’t believe she is worthy of nice things,so doesn’t use them

I think this is a habit passed on by parents. I was brought up in a house like this and found it hard to break out of the habit of saving things for best. I have to make myself use new things sometimes as it's more instinctive to 'make do and mend'. Just buy her something inexpensive as suggested, it's just a token really. I like the PPs idea of going round and getting out the fancy teapot etc and using it, same with other hoarded stuff, if you're able to do that. I know I wouldn't hae dared do this with my mother!