Bought a lot to compensate- is it too much?

[whyola]

I've NC'd.

My children have had a hard year. My husband (their dad) and I separated, there have been other stressful family issues and I just kept buying things for my 4 year old but now I don't know if it's going to be too much and overwhelming?

Currently, the list stands at:

Belle and horse large toddler doll
Kindi kids doll
Spider-Man walkie talkies
Polly pocket set
Minnie Mouse hotel
Blanket
Soft toy x 2
Fairy doll
Peter rabbit jack in the box
Baby tumbles
Toy torch and projector
Busy book
Pyjamas
Figure sets from programme x 2
Books
Small light up fairy dolls x 2
New backpack
Bend and flex Spider-Man
Small cry baby
LOL small doll
Ring set
Makeup set (small)
Paint your own fairy set
Disney animators playset

And then some smaller things for stocking like dinosaur figure, very small soft baby, small soft Bing, bubble bath etc.

As I said, she's had a very hard year and I just kept getting things I saw that she'd like without thinking about what I had. Should I give it all to her on the day, or should I keep some of it back for later on next year?

To add to that, last year with lock down imminent we went way ott. Everything ended up used and was enjoyed though. Especially as we needed to find stuff to do after home learning was finished for the day and we had to find stuff to do.

My girls always get 40-50 gifts from us, plus loads (20?) from their grandparents

That's up to70 presents for one child! - just beyond the pale and unthinkable.

If you can afford it, then why not?

@Poppins17

If you can afford it, then why not?

Maybe read the thread to find out?

Too much I think. But I understand the motivation. Hope next year is better.

If you can afford it, then why not?

The question should be why, not why not.

@fellrunner85

I also laugh at the idea that kids get overwhelmed by having more than five presents. We had big Christmases as children and it was nothing short of wonderful

Tbh I'd laugh at the idea that more presents = "big Christmas" but there you go.

Surely it's more about the people, the games, the fun, the going for a walk together, the food etc, rather than the number of things you open.

And I'm no competitive under-buyer either. My kids are getting 7-8 presents each, which is loads compared to when they were babies and I was skint. I just struggle with more = better. It doesnt. It's the other stuff around it that matters more, and that you remember.

Surely it's more about the people, the games, the fun, the going for a walk together, the food etc, rather than the number of things you open.

Not at all, thats not remotely what Christmas is about, in fact those things arent even any part of xmas:

We stay just us and the kids at xmas... the last thing I want is other people intruding on our day

We don't play 'games' much unless the kids want us to play one of their new games with then

Going for a walk lol, my idea of actual HELL... who wants to go walking in the pissing sleet when they can be cosy at home?

The food... never got the idea of going crazy on food at Xmas, its just Sunday dinner and no need to turn into an overstuffed pig for the sake of it.

[quote Franticbutterfly]@DockOTheBay It does take a long time to open them but they never get bored. I once asked them if would they prefer to have a big present that they could choose, rather than lots of small ones that I choose. They said the latter. [/quote]
At 4, they don't understand the concept of big (as in something expensive) and small (something cheap). The cost is not relevant to the child. It's totally fine to give one child a box of paints and the other a bike, if that's what they're both desperate for. But giving a large number of presents, whatever the cost, is corrosive and will teach them a bad lesson and sour Christmas, imv.
If you have money to burn, there are plenty of charities to give to.

Too much I think - can some be saved for a birthday or even next year ? Is there a charity giving tree near you ? Where you can give a present for a child in need

@loobylou10

Gosh, far too much I think. I understand why but I think that many present will be totally overwhelming to a 4 year old. Can you return some of it (or keep for parties/gifts you might need throughout the year)?

Could you perhaps give her some of these things in a Xmas eve box (e.g pj’s, soft toy, busy book)

Then things that she needs (e.g blanket and backpack) just give to her at any time - my kids all got lovely new fluffy blankets this week because it is winter and they need them to keep warm, I wouldn’t have thought to hold off giving them, as given them as Xmas gifts.

Then from what is left, choose 3-4 big presents to go under the tree. Anything that doesn’t fit in her Xmas stocking, put away until her B’day/other special occasion.

Yes, far too much

You cant buy kids happiness with stuff

@Mischance

My girls always get 40-50 gifts from us, plus loads (20?) from their grandparents

That's up to70 presents for one child! - just beyond the pale and unthinkable.

It's not all massive Lego sets. I include all the little things, like notebooks I've picked up in the reduced section in Tesco for 40p over the past few months.

I dont think that's too much between two kids at all...... Ignore all the my kids get a notebook and a twig and mud to write with and they're happy brigade. That lot seems about average, let the kids enjoy it!

I dont think that's too much between two kids at all...... Ignore all the my kids get a notebook and a twig and mud to write with and they're happy brigade. That lot seems about average, let the kids enjoy it!

Maybe there is a happy medium!!

Mischance I don't even class things like books, backpacks, pyjamas and blankets as gifts. Theyre necessities. Take those away and there's hardly masses of toys.

If the OP is really worried about overwhelming her dc id hold a couple back for new years eve or give things like the pjs and blanket on Christmas eve. I wouldn't be going out searching for worthy causes to donate to to make myself feel better.

Sounds fine to me, as long as you can comfortably afford it, and your kids will enjoy it and be grateful. I don't get everyone's obsession with the idea of kids being overwhelmed. My DD, also 4, will sit and open things one by one with us as a family, pay attention to them, even get some things out before moving on - it might take an hour or more but who cares?! I don't get the impression she's ungrateful, expectant or uninterested, and she's not poorly behaved at any point either. I've probably got her a similar amount, and she will get stuff from family too. And she does play with everything - she has played with all birthday gifts, except a few craft sets which we haven't had time to do yet.

@Franticbutterfly how old are they? Surely there more fun things you can be doing than watching them open cheap notebooks and pack of pants?

The sensible thing is to not give her all the presents

However

She's had a terrible year
Plus Covid ruining everything for everyone

Plus

Life is short. The toys are bought you might aswel give them to her now

[quote SleepingStandingUp]@Franticbutterfly how old are they? Surely there more fun things you can be doing than watching them open cheap notebooks and pack of pants?[/quote]
All different ages. We do loads of stuff through the Xmas period including days out (panto and whatnot), walks, visits, parties etc. I've even got a group of actors coming to perform 'Twas the night before Christmas on my doorstep on 23rd. They aren't short of experiences...

I think that’s the difference in peoples mindsets, my toddler has a few presents from us - a play kitchen, a beautiful pram from olliella, books and a few little bubbles and bubble baths for her stocking.

I wouldn’t consider things like a 40p notebook from the supermarket a gift, that’s just something we have in the house year round. I personally prefer a few quality things with a big play value for years rather than something that will be played with once or twice.

@Franticbutterfly I didn't say thry didn't have experiences. I suggested there must be more fun things to do on the day than watch kids open socks and soaps for hours. You have at least 3 so that's over 200 presents to open rather than actually playing with their new stuff

@elbea

I think that’s the difference in peoples mindsets, my toddler has a few presents from us - a play kitchen, a beautiful pram from olliella, books and a few little bubbles and bubble baths for her stocking.

I wouldn’t consider things like a 40p notebook from the supermarket a gift, that’s just something we have in the house year round. I personally prefer a few quality things with a big play value for years rather than something that will be played with once or twice.

Oh god! The Mumsnet snobs are out! I buy good quality stuff in every area of my life. There is only one plastic tat style gift this year (a zooble in case you are interested lol). All my girls use Winsor and Newton promarkers and each have a full set of Castle Arts pencil crayons and that's just the tip of the - very artistic - iceberg! There is nothing wrong with buying small gifts thereby creating the feeling of abundance that happens at no other time. Especially if the gifts are varied and appreciated. I made my husband and my mother an advent calendars this year. And I personally love opening my advent calendar each day and getting something lovely...is that wrong too?

I do accept that everyone is different, and does things differently. I personally happen to love Christmas, and so do most people I know.

*elbea

I think that’s the difference in peoples mindsets, my toddler has a few presents from us - a play kitchen, a beautiful pram from olliella, books and a few little bubbles and bubble baths for her stocking*
No gender stereotyping then.

@Poppins17

If you can afford it, then why not?

Err because having lots of stuff at Christmas won't fix the shit year that has just been...?

I do accept that everyone is different, and does things differently. I personally happen to love Christmas, and so do most people I know

I love Christmas too. It’s genuinely my favourite time of year. And my kids too. ‘Only’ getting 7-8 presents doesn’t diminish their love of Christmas in any way.