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Bought a lot to compensate- is it too much?

241 replies

whyola · 07/12/2021 14:04

I've NC'd.

My children have had a hard year. My husband (their dad) and I separated, there have been other stressful family issues and I just kept buying things for my 4 year old but now I don't know if it's going to be too much and overwhelming?

Currently, the list stands at:

Belle and horse large toddler doll
Kindi kids doll
Spider-Man walkie talkies
Polly pocket set
Minnie Mouse hotel
Blanket
Soft toy x 2
Fairy doll
Peter rabbit jack in the box
Baby tumbles
Toy torch and projector
Busy book
Pyjamas
Figure sets from programme x 2
Books
Small light up fairy dolls x 2
New backpack
Bend and flex Spider-Man
Small cry baby
LOL small doll
Ring set
Makeup set (small)
Paint your own fairy set
Disney animators playset

And then some smaller things for stocking like dinosaur figure, very small soft baby, small soft Bing, bubble bath etc.

As I said, she's had a very hard year and I just kept getting things I saw that she'd like without thinking about what I had. Should I give it all to her on the day, or should I keep some of it back for later on next year?

OP posts:
BlackcurrantTea · 07/12/2021 14:40

Off topic here, but I've been looking for a very small soft baby doll - any chance of a link, please?

Mrsfussypants1 · 07/12/2021 14:41

As other pps have said, I too would put some away for an other occasion, easter, 5th birthday, summer holidays, you'd have quite a nice stash for 2022 celebrations, and when the time comes you've not got that money to pull out because its already bought, and because you don't have to buy anything I'd treat yourself to something nice that you'd like, by the sounds of it you've had a tough time and deserve a treat too.

1forAll74 · 07/12/2021 14:42

Way too much indeed.Too overwhelming for any child, and it will make it difficult for gift buying for the child for other occasions,like birthdays etc in the future, as you will run out of ideas for presents, and fill your home up with too much stuff.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 07/12/2021 14:44

Bloody hell. That's loads.

Georgeskitchen · 07/12/2021 14:45

Give 1/3, save 1/3 for birthday, 1/3 for next year or gifts for birthday parties etc x

TheFairPrincess · 07/12/2021 14:46

@RevolvingPivot

16 presents and a stocking is not a lot (taking out the pjs, blanket, books and backpack as they aren't really gifts they are necessities).
I counted 27 presents plus a stocking
Fairylights25 · 07/12/2021 14:47

It is the precedent it sets more than anything.
You will be setting yourself up to do this volume every year, or risk disappointing her. If you are unable to afford it, things will be really difficult.

I understand you want to give her the best christmas ever, but the way you do that is by being happy, filling the house with music and magic and spending time playing with her.

I would cut the list down, given one or two Christmas Eve, a few for boxing day. We do a few gifts for NY day too. And put the rest away for next year.

The best investment for us was the snow machine that was set up to fall on christmas morning from the upstairs window. Priceless, and we used it year after year for all sorts of things.

Try and bring fun and magic, dancing rather than gifts, they will be the things she remembers the most.

WakeUpLockie · 07/12/2021 14:48

She won't be interested after opening the first few, in my experience. It's overwhelming and becomes meaningless to them, just chucking one toy aside to open the next, then not being able to see what they've actually got in a sea of stuff. My boys have 4 things each plus a santa present and stockings, £200 budget each, I was thinking even that was too much!

Assuming on top of that there will be more stuff from other family? What if her dad has gone as mad too? Where will you keep it all?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/12/2021 14:49

way too much, you will end up with an overwhelmed ungrateful child on the day- keep some aside for a bday etc

lobsteroll · 07/12/2021 14:50

I can totally see how and why this has happened but I agree that it is far far too much.

I think it's doing children a disservice and setting them up for a miserable and unfulfilled life to spoil them in this way from such a young age.

They all look like brilliant presents and I'm sure she would still love them for her birthday - maybe even next Christmas too 🤣

WowStarsWow · 07/12/2021 14:53

You must have a massive house!

TheFairPrincess · 07/12/2021 14:55

Oh and yes if this happens year on year, don't forget you will soon have to include the 2 year old, you will be drowning in a sea of stuff.

Fighting against clutter caused by too many gifts is a nightmare. My mum and myself both have a tendency to go a little mad shopping for my DC at Christmas because we are the only ones buying for them apart from a small token gift from my sister. I have really planned carefully this year to cut back because it when it becomes about having a pile of stuff then you end up with... a pile of stuff. To store in your house!

FAQs · 07/12/2021 14:57

@TheFairPrincess she took out the books etc, reducing from 27 to 16.

Goldbar · 07/12/2021 15:01

I'd return some of them if possible and spend the money on doing stuff with your DC (which I'm sure you're going to do anyway). Could you take just 4yo to a theme park/adventure park that you wouldn't usually go to? Is there an aquarium nearby that they both might like?

I'm sure she will love the gifts (although probably best to keep some back) but kids often remember the things they did around Christmas rather than what they received. So I'd focus on trips out (although may be hard with 2yo also).

CrimbleCrumble1 · 07/12/2021 15:05

If you can get refunds on any of it I would. I don’t know what most of it is as have grown up DC so how many ‘big’ toys are there? I would have thought 1-3 is plenty.

tootiredtospeak · 07/12/2021 15:07

When is her birthday could you put half to one side for that.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 07/12/2021 15:28

It does look a lot but I can understand feeling the need to compensate for a tough year. Half that quantity would also do that though.

The problem is that giving her all this stuff is not going to get the reaction you are hoping for. You will get the opposite. She will value none of it. I remember when my DC were little being absolutely horrified at the way they would just open something then discard it and be looking for the next thing. I didn’t give them nearly as much as this - a fraction of the amount tbh - but they have a large extended family so in total it amounted to a lot. So yes I think she will be overwhelmed but she won’t value any of it either, especially when some gifts (dolls) are similar.

Is returning some of it an option? If not, I would hold quite a bit back for birthday and even next Christmas. Is your younger child a boy or a girl? If you have two girls, you could even hold a bit back for her birthday and/or next Christmas. You’ll be well ahead for next year!

Staryflight445 · 07/12/2021 15:32

Every time I’ve done Xmas that way with that much my children have ended up so overwhelmed they just cried and were miserable all afternoon.

Less is more I think, definitely. Really scaled back this year and can’t wait for it to feel less stressful.

mogschristmascalamity · 07/12/2021 15:41

How many dolls does she need??? Take at least half out and return them or gift on to a toy appeal. Keep 3 or 4 items for reserve treats such as on sick days.

Is any of the list the santa stocking or are there other bits on top?

awmum2b · 07/12/2021 15:43

As you're recently separated will you be buying separate gifts to your ex? Because she could also have a lot more stuff coming that way?

Me and my child's father aren't together but we tend to co-ordinate gifts so thankfully I know how much she is getting and scale back my input accordingly...I went a bit mad when the Disney shop closed but have now decided to half what I was going to put out and then put some aside for her birthday.

I also ask family members to gift money towards her zoo/farm/music class pass rather than add more presents to the pile...I do always include what it's paid for in the thank you note and usually a photo of her at the activity when she goes. They seem to like this, but I know not everyone likes to gift money.

KevinTheKoala · 07/12/2021 15:43

Going against the grain abit my daughters have always had alot for Christmas and always been grateful and happy with what they receive - although they do have a break from present opening when they want to/if they seem like they're overwhelmed so there's no pressure on them to open them all at once/play with everything and alot of what they get is things like books/clothes that they can put away and have a proper look at another time so I don't think its necessarily too much if you can afford it/have space for it. Buying lots at Christmas won't make them spoilt if they have boundaries and are told no the rest of the time and it doesn't have to set up a precedence either - some years my eldest got lots more than other years and it's never been an issue.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 07/12/2021 15:58

It's a lot and she will most likely be completely overwhelmed. Many of us are guilty of overbuying and I have been in the past, they definitely appreciate their gifts less if they get loads of them. I go with one main present and a few
Smaller ones. This year my 5 year old is getting a kindle fire, a second hand cubby bear and some other little things like arts and crafts sets - I was thinking that was a lot!

UsernameInTheTown · 07/12/2021 16:06

I go mad at Christmas and your list doesn't sound remotely over the top OP. It's the thing to competitively under buy at Christmas on Mumsnet and I've never known of any child in real life getting such tiny amounts of gifts and all this 'not letting Santa take the credit' etc.

lazylinguist · 07/12/2021 16:08

Far too much imo. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time, but massively over-buying is not going to change what's happened or make your 4yo any happier in the long run. What will help her come through the time of upheaval smoothly is your presence and the love and care you no doubt give her, not an overwhelmingly huge pile of presents.

Besides, she won't understand that she's only got so much because you're feeling bad about the year she's had. She'll just think that's the normal amount of presents and will probably expect the same next year!

lazylinguist · 07/12/2021 16:11

It's the thing to competitively under buy at Christmas on Mumsnet and I've never known of any child in real life getting such tiny amounts of gifts

I've never known any child getting the huge quantity of presents some MNers seem to buy. Also, many of the MNers you suspect of competitively 'under-buying' might simply not be able to afford lots of presents. Others just don't want to raise spoiled children.