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Bought a lot to compensate- is it too much?

241 replies

whyola · 07/12/2021 14:04

I've NC'd.

My children have had a hard year. My husband (their dad) and I separated, there have been other stressful family issues and I just kept buying things for my 4 year old but now I don't know if it's going to be too much and overwhelming?

Currently, the list stands at:

Belle and horse large toddler doll
Kindi kids doll
Spider-Man walkie talkies
Polly pocket set
Minnie Mouse hotel
Blanket
Soft toy x 2
Fairy doll
Peter rabbit jack in the box
Baby tumbles
Toy torch and projector
Busy book
Pyjamas
Figure sets from programme x 2
Books
Small light up fairy dolls x 2
New backpack
Bend and flex Spider-Man
Small cry baby
LOL small doll
Ring set
Makeup set (small)
Paint your own fairy set
Disney animators playset

And then some smaller things for stocking like dinosaur figure, very small soft baby, small soft Bing, bubble bath etc.

As I said, she's had a very hard year and I just kept getting things I saw that she'd like without thinking about what I had. Should I give it all to her on the day, or should I keep some of it back for later on next year?

OP posts:
Twillow · 07/12/2021 22:13

I think you know it is or you wouldn't be asking.
Objects don't compensate.
I'm sure you have been giving her all the love she needs.

Hottubtimemachine · 07/12/2021 22:27

It’s fine. Seems the norm on mumsnet to give a satsumas and a walnut!
My kids get way more than that, although they don’t get presents from anyone but us.

daisypond · 07/12/2021 22:37

Absolutely no-one has said it’s the norm on MN to give satsumas and a walnut. Most people have said the presents the OP has got are too many and/or of the same type.

PieMistee · 07/12/2021 22:42

4 kids here. She will get overwhelmed and not enjoy it. Less is more. Choose 5 amazing things and spend some time playing with her. That will be worth 100x more

MiniCooperLover · 07/12/2021 22:51

I know you don't mean to but you're setting her up to fail and have the mother of all tantrums when she sees that lot and gets overwhelmed

user33323 · 08/12/2021 00:15

I would amend to this:

Belle and horse large toddler doll
Kindi kids doll
Polly pocket set
Soft toy x 1
Baby tumbles
Toy torch and projector
Figure sets from programme x 2
Books
New backpack
Bend and flex Spider-Man
Paint your own fairy set
Disney animators playset

Give on Christmas Eve:
Pyjamas
Blanket
Soft toy x1
A book

Put in stocking:
Small make up set
Ring set
Small LOL
Small cry baby

Save for school party gifts:
Spiderman walkie talkies (I nearly got these as DC asked for walkie talkies but the reviews are really bad, and not much fun if an only child)
Soft toy
Fairy dolls
Busy book (you already have favourite programme figure sets)

Return or save for future gifting:
Peter rabbit jack in the box (think she's too old probably)
Minnie mouse hotel

Bogeyes · 08/12/2021 05:13

You may be setting a trend for the rest of your life. Be prepared to spend thousands on them when they are in their teens

caringcarer · 08/12/2021 05:53

It is a lot. Just put aside a few of the gifts for her birthday.

BasiliskStare · 08/12/2021 06:36

@whyola I completely understand why you are doing this but my experience ( and it is old ) that DS did get overwhelmed with presents and not just from me but from Granny etc. So depends what your parents may give her ( if you have present giving parents around)

I agree with other posters that pick the main things she would like and give her those and stocking things and keep some back for birthday & stick them in a high cupboard.

I speak as one who loves wrapping things for under the tree so I am not against lots of presents per se but young children like the tree , the excitement of some presents and / or a stocking ( in my day we had a pillowcase but there were 2 things we wanted and then some "filling" at the end of the bed ) or under the tree.

I do understand why you are doing this but honestly honestly for me that would be too much & I do not knowingly under gift. - but it must be your choice. If you can afford it and you want to - then do it. I think with little children sometimes ( just sometimes - not always ) the amount of presents gives more joy to the giver than the recipient ( which is not necessarily a bad thing - just to be aware of )

Anyway - that said I hope you and DCs have the most lovely Christmas Flowers

Franticbutterfly · 08/12/2021 08:09

I don't think it's too much. My girls always get 40-50 gifts from us, plus loads (20?) from their grandparents. It's never been an issue. They love Christmas (as do I) and they have never acted spoilt or entitled, they don't even ask us for anything (DD8's main request this year is a fidget toy that costs £3). You're over thinking it.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 08/12/2021 08:10

You must have an absolutely massive house.

DockOTheBay · 08/12/2021 08:51

Surely she is too old for a jack in the box, and too young for make up, rings and LOL dolls.

I would also probably return/hold back the ones that are duplicates or very similar e.g. one of the two soft toys, one of the two TV figurines and one of the two light up fairies.

DockOTheBay · 08/12/2021 08:52

@Franticbutterfly

I don't think it's too much. My girls always get 40-50 gifts from us, plus loads (20?) from their grandparents. It's never been an issue. They love Christmas (as do I) and they have never acted spoilt or entitled, they don't even ask us for anything (DD8's main request this year is a fidget toy that costs £3). You're over thinking it.
Crikey! I don't think I could think of 70 items my daughter would actually want, let alone the space to keep it all!
RevolvingPivot · 08/12/2021 08:57

@TheFairPrincess Lol don't know why I though 16

RevolvingPivot · 08/12/2021 08:58

[quote FAQs]@TheFairPrincess she took out the books etc, reducing from 27 to 16.[/quote]
I counted the x2 as 1 too. Little but off I think it's about 18 without the books, blanket, backpack?

RevolvingPivot · 08/12/2021 09:00

@Lovemusic33

This is MN, you will be told it’s too much and 3 gifts and a tangerine will be plenty 😬

Seriously…if you think she won’t be overwhelmed and she will love all the things you bought then it’s fine.

I would probably put a couple bits back. Being a single parent myself I know that there will be days when you want things to keep your dd busy (if you are unwell, weathers awful, covid hits etc….) so I tend to put a few bits back in my wardrobe for those days.

😂
WrappedInRed · 08/12/2021 09:25

It is quite a lot for this age but I totally understand why you did it. My experience last year was my 3 year old got really overwhelmed by present opening even spread out.

I think the blanket and pjs etc could be given throughout December especially if Christmas themed. You could have an afternoon in pjs watching a Christmas film by the tree etc as a treat.

DockOTheBay · 08/12/2021 09:47

My nearly 4 year old (at the time) had a similar quantity last year. Everyone went a bit overboard because we weren't going to see them at Christmas, it wasn't all from us. It did get to the point where she got bored of opening them and wanted to stop, or was just opening something and then putting it to one side.
She did have a good variety and everything got played with through the year, but it didn't make Christmas day more fun - just more stressful really.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2021 09:57

I'd put under the tree

  • Belle and horse large toddler doll
  • Small cry baby OR lol small doll OR baby tumbles OR kindi kids doll
  • Spider-Man walkie
  • Bend and flex Spider-Man
  • Polly pocket set OR small light up fairy dolls x 2 OR fairy doll
  • Minnie Mouse hotel
  • Soft toy x 2 one of
  • Peter rabbit jack in the box
  • Toy torch and projector
  • Busy book
  • Figure sets from programme x 2 one of
  • Makeup set (small)
  • Paint your own fairy set Disney animators playset

Put in stocking

  • Polly pocket set OR small light up fairy dolls x 2 OR fairy doll
  • Figure sets from programme x 2 one of
  • Ring set
  • Soft toy x 2 one of

Give now as in put on their bed / cupboard not as a "gift"
Blanket
Pajamas
Books

Keep back for when it's needed
Backpack

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2021 09:58

Also don't put any pressure on them to get everything open. Let them play as they go, even if you're still opening presents on boxing day

mam0918 · 08/12/2021 10:12

I don't think it's too much at all in terms of numbers... we do big Xmases and do more than that.

I got about 5 times more than that as a kid (my mam also was trying to 'make up' for divorce, lack of siblings and other life issues she felt guilty about) and I was never 'overwhelmed' by 'too many' gifts.

Unless your kid has SEN and is overstimulated easily I always find that such a bizarre cop-out, I loved big Xmas so much that I carried it on with my own kids and they love it too... no overwhelming or overstimulated issues with any of us.

mam0918 · 08/12/2021 10:14

Also you don't have to wrap everything... we have things delivered by Santa is unwrapped and only gifts from people are wrapped - seems from the thread the other day this is common across the north of the UK.

Mischance · 08/12/2021 10:29

I know it has been a nard year for you both, but smothering her with gifts is not going to solve anything at all. She will just be completely overwhelmed and get fractious, which is not the way to make her happy. And if you factor in presents from family - and also maybe from your ex - this child is going to be inundated.

Send back as many presents as you can - should not be a problem if they were bought online - and keep say 2, and the little "stocking" things. She does not need all these things - that is not the route to happiness for her. She just needs time with you and your love.

I honestly think that showering a child with gifts like this is not a good way of parenting.

Make some things with her - stick cloves in an orange and hang it on the tree; get some coloured cellophane and black card and make stained-glass Christmas windows together; help her to make Christmas cards for the family; make a star together for your tree. Or take her out - find somewhere near enough where trees are lit up at night and watch her delight at it; go to the nearest town in the dark and see the Christmas lights.

You are teaching her that the route to happiness is excessive spending and consumption - what sort of a lesson is that?

I know you are trying to compensate for your split and that you feel guilty about how that might impact on her - but this is not the right way. What she needs is YOU and your time and attention and interest.

Give some of these gifts to a children's charity who are trying to make happy Christmases for children in need - you will be doing them and your DD a favour.

PizzaCrust · 08/12/2021 10:40

I think it’s fine. I’d maybe keep a few things back for her birthday but otherwise I think it’s fine.

It all depends on what you want to do. Some parents do a very small amount of gifts and more throughout the year, others do a lot at Christmas but not much until birthdays otherwise.

It’s all about what you want to do.

PinkJam · 08/12/2021 10:44

I think it’s a reasonable amount. There are a few things which seem very similar - a lot of dolls. But it’s a the same amount to what most children I know get.

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