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Bought a lot to compensate- is it too much?

241 replies

whyola · 07/12/2021 14:04

I've NC'd.

My children have had a hard year. My husband (their dad) and I separated, there have been other stressful family issues and I just kept buying things for my 4 year old but now I don't know if it's going to be too much and overwhelming?

Currently, the list stands at:

Belle and horse large toddler doll
Kindi kids doll
Spider-Man walkie talkies
Polly pocket set
Minnie Mouse hotel
Blanket
Soft toy x 2
Fairy doll
Peter rabbit jack in the box
Baby tumbles
Toy torch and projector
Busy book
Pyjamas
Figure sets from programme x 2
Books
Small light up fairy dolls x 2
New backpack
Bend and flex Spider-Man
Small cry baby
LOL small doll
Ring set
Makeup set (small)
Paint your own fairy set
Disney animators playset

And then some smaller things for stocking like dinosaur figure, very small soft baby, small soft Bing, bubble bath etc.

As I said, she's had a very hard year and I just kept getting things I saw that she'd like without thinking about what I had. Should I give it all to her on the day, or should I keep some of it back for later on next year?

OP posts:
00100001 · 08/12/2021 10:59

@LtMoose

I actually think it's fine, it's a little extravagant, and yeah she doesn't need that much, but if it's been a rough year and you can afford it, then fuck it, go for it and have a lovely Christmas day
But she won't have a lovely Christmas day if the 4 yo is overwhelmed by everything.

They struggle when there's too many things to open - either by getting bored and going "next!" or by ending up in tears.

No amount of gifts will make up for the hard year....

00100001 · 08/12/2021 11:02

Belle and horse large toddler doll
Spider-Man walkie talkies
Polly pocket set
Minnie Mouse hotel
Peter rabbit jack in the box
Toy torch and projector
Busy book
Books
Bend and flex Spider-Man
Makeup set (small)
Paint your own fairy set

this is the maximum I would give...

RedDeadRoach · 08/12/2021 11:53

I think return some and use the money for some nice days out with her.

MistandMud · 08/12/2021 12:05

OP, one December DH and I both had full-on flu (of the knock you flat for weeks variety). DH staggered out to one solitary shop and bought one solitary Fisher Price garage for our then-four year old.

That's the only Christmas that DS still remembers what present he got, and how excited he was about it.

TheFairPrincess · 08/12/2021 12:44

What have you done in previous years OP?

If this is a huge enormous increase in the number of presents I really wouldn't do it. It's not so much IMO a case of "too much" as it is more of a case of "not necessary".

Kids don't necessarily benefit from being given a load of stuff which has already been mentioned including by me already. I do think it's great that you've got a variety of items like some more practical stuff (but still nice stuff to receive as a gift) as well as toys.

I personally don't really agree with pulling out brand new toys on random occasions. I prefer to keep the days special and if you want to give one gift or 100 gifts on that day then that's completely fine.

DSGR · 08/12/2021 12:55

I also laugh at the idea that kids get overwhelmed by having more than five presents. We had big Christmases as children and it was nothing short of wonderful

PeskyYeti · 08/12/2021 13:00

That's the thing, everyone is different! My children get a lot at Christmas so that sounds reasonable to me, but will dad also be doing gifts? Could this list be able to double? Will dad feel like you're trying to out gift him?

Split it up over a couple of days, or don't and let her live in her doll paradise! She might get overwhelmed and after about 5 she will probably not even notice what she's opening anymore, so maybe open a few at a time over Christmas and Boxing Day

fellrunner85 · 08/12/2021 13:00

I also laugh at the idea that kids get overwhelmed by having more than five presents. We had big Christmases as children and it was nothing short of wonderful

Tbh I'd laugh at the idea that more presents = "big Christmas" but there you go.

Surely it's more about the people, the games, the fun, the going for a walk together, the food etc, rather than the number of things you open.

And I'm no competitive under-buyer either. My kids are getting 7-8 presents each, which is loads compared to when they were babies and I was skint. I just struggle with more = better. It doesnt. It's the other stuff around it that matters more, and that you remember.

Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 08/12/2021 13:30

That’s about 5 years worth for both mine together!
They generally get something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read (plus a stocking).

Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 08/12/2021 13:34

@mam0918

I don't think it's too much at all in terms of numbers... we do big Xmases and do more than that.

I got about 5 times more than that as a kid (my mam also was trying to 'make up' for divorce, lack of siblings and other life issues she felt guilty about) and I was never 'overwhelmed' by 'too many' gifts.

Unless your kid has SEN and is overstimulated easily I always find that such a bizarre cop-out, I loved big Xmas so much that I carried it on with my own kids and they love it too... no overwhelming or overstimulated issues with any of us.

I don’t so much think it’s overwhelming as just that I’m trying to (learn myself and teach them) about being mindful about what we buy, being thankful for what we have and giving away to others.
CactusLemonSpice · 08/12/2021 13:36

I can understand why you felt the need to buy lots of things your daughter might like this year. It sounds like you are a very loving and thoughtful mum and I feel like that will do more for your daughter's wellbeing than all the lovely gifts.

I do think that after a fee gifts, the gifts all blur into one a bit! I'd stick to 4 or 5 gifts and a stocking. That would be loads of new stuff to play with and very exciting. She may also get some gifts from aunties/uncles etc?

I have bought too many lots of times, and if I do I tend to keep a few back for birthday or even next Christmas! Might be worth considering that.

Sorry you have had a hard year and hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Nidan2Sandan · 08/12/2021 13:37

My kids get around 12-14 gifts each, including their stocking gifts.

So, you are possibly excessive but some of it looks like cheap "tat" style gifts that wont really be played with (Jack in the box, torch, ring set, make up set, walkie talkies) so I'd return those.

I think quality gifts rather than gifts to "pad out" is the way to go.

Sceptre86 · 08/12/2021 13:43

Keep the x2 stuff for her birthday, as in give one and put the other away. Keep the backpack for before school. Give pjs and a cuddly toy on xmas eve, main presents on xmas day and the rest for birthday or before she starts school.

shinydiamonds · 08/12/2021 13:44

I personally don't think it's too much. We have a 5 year old and we always buy loads for him. It's Christmas, she's had a hard year, fuck it, let her have it all and don't stress about it.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 08/12/2021 13:52

If she’s anything like mine she’ll get overwhelmed and tired from the sensory overload.

Too much at Christmas is a recipe for disaster.,

Holskey · 08/12/2021 14:03

Tbh I'd laugh at the idea that more presents = "big Christmas" but there you go.

Yes! More than one pp has equated an excessive number of presents with "big Christmas". Christmas was huge in my house when I was younger and still is now, but presents are only a part of that, and there doesn't have to be lots.

Franticbutterfly · 08/12/2021 14:05

@DockOTheBay A lot of the items are useful things like skincare (for the older ones), clothes and underwear. They also get a fair few books and art materials. I'm actually a bit of a minimalist when it comes to the amount of stuff we own, so my house isn't over run (I like clean surfaces). I also don't buy them much the rest of the year (they don't ask for anything really). I carefully consider everything that comes into my home, and do regular clear outs to donate clothes that are too small, toys that they have grown out of.

DanceInTheKitchen · 08/12/2021 14:07

I think it’s fine. We used to buy our kids loads, more than your list, when they were younger and loved toys. They never got overwhelmed.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 08/12/2021 14:07

Tbh I'd laugh at the idea that more presents = "big Christmas" but there you go

Agreed. We have a lovely ‘big Christmas’… we’re massively in to Christmas in our house.
Presents don’t equal Christmas though Grin. Mine get plenty…. Around 8 gifts from us plus a stocking, and a gift each from both sets of grandparents and from SIL. People who are buying 40+ gifts per child must have far, far bigger houses than me.

DockOTheBay · 08/12/2021 14:20

[quote Franticbutterfly]@DockOTheBay A lot of the items are useful things like skincare (for the older ones), clothes and underwear. They also get a fair few books and art materials. I'm actually a bit of a minimalist when it comes to the amount of stuff we own, so my house isn't over run (I like clean surfaces). I also don't buy them much the rest of the year (they don't ask for anything really). I carefully consider everything that comes into my home, and do regular clear outs to donate clothes that are too small, toys that they have grown out of. [/quote]
Do they not find it a bit boring to open loads of presents if half of them are things like underwear and soap? I know we all do things differently but I don't think 70 presents is usual even if they are useful.

Anomonda · 08/12/2021 14:35

I was in exactly your position last year with a 4yo and 2yo living with my parents having separated from their dad. I bought quite a lot of presents and on Christmas Eve when I got everything out to wrap I realised it was too much and put away a few gifts each to save for their birthdays. On Christmas morning they opened their stockings upstairs and 100% would have been happy with just that, they were over the moon with their chocolate coins, torch and hat and gloves! When they went downstairs, even though I had given them less than I had originally intended, they were far too overwhelmed and it would have been a lot better if they’d had even fewer presents that they could have concentrated on.
They also got masses of presents when they went to their dads, and it was all exhausting for them. Not only do they get overwhelmed with the choice of what to play with, they also don’t have the time to enjoy everything because they’re being ferried from place to place. Children just want love and attention, concentrate on the things you can enjoy joining in with.
This year I’ve actually bought a couple of joint presents for them and far fewer individual presents. One present each will be from Santa and the biggest present (a marble run) will be a joint one from Santa. His message to them will be how proud he is that they love playing together, because they don’t yet realise how important it has been that they have had each other through all of this.
I like the ideas that pps have suggested too like a pj present the night before and something held back as a present for New Year’s Day.
I wish you all the best x

Tal45 · 08/12/2021 14:39

I'd just keep some of it back for her birthday.

Goldi321 · 08/12/2021 15:06

Please don’t teach her that the way to feel better about a bad time is needless consumerism. It’s far too much for a 4 year old to open and the vast majority will be ignored.

Franticbutterfly · 08/12/2021 15:08

@DockOTheBay It does take a long time to open them but they never get bored. I once asked them if would they prefer to have a big present that they could choose, rather than lots of small ones that I choose. They said the latter.

Popcornriver · 08/12/2021 15:12

We do less stuff outside the home in the cold weather. Still lots of places to go and things to do but we're definitely home more so we use Christmas as a way to 'stock up' on things to do. So lots of lego, craft things, games and when they were younger toys too. Mine aren't 4 though so it's different if you think they'll be overwhelmed or upset at lots of toys.