Bought a lot to compensate- is it too much?

[whyola]

I've NC'd.

My children have had a hard year. My husband (their dad) and I separated, there have been other stressful family issues and I just kept buying things for my 4 year old but now I don't know if it's going to be too much and overwhelming?

Currently, the list stands at:

Belle and horse large toddler doll
Kindi kids doll
Spider-Man walkie talkies
Polly pocket set
Minnie Mouse hotel
Blanket
Soft toy x 2
Fairy doll
Peter rabbit jack in the box
Baby tumbles
Toy torch and projector
Busy book
Pyjamas
Figure sets from programme x 2
Books
Small light up fairy dolls x 2
New backpack
Bend and flex Spider-Man
Small cry baby
LOL small doll
Ring set
Makeup set (small)
Paint your own fairy set
Disney animators playset

And then some smaller things for stocking like dinosaur figure, very small soft baby, small soft Bing, bubble bath etc.

As I said, she's had a very hard year and I just kept getting things I saw that she'd like without thinking about what I had. Should I give it all to her on the day, or should I keep some of it back for later on next year?

[Soraya5]

I remember being given too much as a child and it actually made me feel very guilty. I have issues with money and buying things to this day. The biggest gift you can give her is your time and having fun together.

[ChimChimeny]

Where is it all going to go?! There is quite a bit of duplication in the doll genre too.

Like PP said she won't associate loads of presents with happiness/comfort, it'll be overwhelming.

You can still give her a great Christmas with less presents. If you can I'd return a chunk & save the money to do something nice in spring/summer when the weather is better

[daisypond]

@Lovemusic33

This is MN, you will be told it’s too much and 3 gifts and a tangerine will be plenty 😬

Seriously…if you think she won’t be overwhelmed and she will love all the things you bought then it’s fine.

I would probably put a couple bits back. Being a single parent myself I know that there will be days when you want things to keep your dd busy (if you are unwell, weathers awful, covid hits etc….) so I tend to put a few bits back in my wardrobe for those days.

But there’s nothing for the child to actually do, apart from one. So all that stuff isn’t necessarily going to keep the child busy.

[Lovemusic33]

You could put the pj’s, blanket, backpack and books into a Christmas Eve box?

Put a one of the dolls back for her birthday and save any craft type things for rainy days?

[Nospringchook]

That’s A LOT. Your love and time and normalcy is what your little ones need, not an extravaganza. I’d return half the things, or donate some maybe? Your child needs you, not a tonne of flashy gifts.

[RestingStitchFace]

I would-
Return around 1/3
Save 1/3 for future gifts and regifting

That's good advice. Children who get lavished with every toy under the sun rarely appreciate them IMO. And you'll be making a rod for your own back as she'll expect that size haul every year.

[AliceMcK]

Agree it’s more than enough. If you don’t want to give it all to her maybe hold some back for birthday or other event. You could also spread the gifting out. My DDs get small gifts throughout December, the elfs bring them, example, I have some Christmas themed rings and clip on earrings, this week the elfs will be trying them on one morning. If you do the elf you could have the elf reading the book one morning, another day the elf could be cozying up under the blanket watching a movie.

[SlurpleThePurple]

I don't think it sounds excessive. It's around the same amount I've always bought for my dd. I agree with others to give the blanket etc, outside of Christmas if you're worried.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas.

[KeepApart]

It's not so much the too many presents, more too many dolls

You can't really play with all the presents together, it's the same thing in different forms. She's got a lot of repetitive presents that might just get overwhelming and not enjoyed. If you get say a barbie house, some barbies and some barbies clothes fine, but just lots of random toys might be too much. I understand your motivation but she would be just as happy with half the presents.

I'd keep the blankets, pj's etc. Some of the dolls I'd keep back and either give her on her birthday or a later date.

[2WeeksTillChristmas]

Do a Christmas eve box with the blanket, Pjs , books and 1 doll

[Nothinbut]

I'd save some stuff for her birthday. I'm a big fan of as long as you can afford it it's fine, but you acknowledge you have bought it to compensate and it sounds overwhelming.

[Witchesbelazy]

I’d keep it my children have a similar amount

[fournonblondes]

Unless you will do this year. Otherwise, for the future the kids would be disappointed.

[TheNoodlesIncident]

How much have you bought for the younger dc? Is it the same sort of quantity? I think the majority of posters are right, this will be overwhelming and not the experience you are hoping your dc will have.

You already realise you've bought more than you needed to and your reasons for doing it. So be sensible now and bank some of that stuff for future occasions like her birthday, her friends' birthdays, rainy days, etc. Keep a nice varied selection back and aim to spend time with the children, they'll appreciate that much more. You know this already, you're just feeling guilty at the inevitable disruption to their lives.

[elbea]

This article is a summary of a study that showed children do better with less toys - www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/singletons/201712/study-underscores-why-fewer-toys-is-the-better-option%3famp.

Save some for birthdays!

[ABCDEF1234]

Reasonable I would say

[stingofthebutterfly]

I usually get around 22 presents per child. I aim for 20 but always go over. Plus stockings. Most people will tell you it's too much, but I say it's your choice if you can afford it.

[AutumnAlmanack]

You are joking OP, aren't you? That is far too much for a small child to appreciate all on the same day. Cut it right down to about half a dozen nice presents and drip feed the rest over the coming year. Seriously, it is too much!

[BertieBotts]

It's overwhelming.

We do about 4-5 gifts from us, one or two of those might be practical like this year DS1 asked for hoodies and DS2 is getting a bedding set. Of course we buy clothes as and when needed, but for a Christmas present I'd buy a nicer brand or a fancier design that costs more than the normal cheap stuff I buy.

Then stockings on top. They will also get a couple of medium gifts from family members and one SIL buys us all loads of little things like socks, chocs and smaller toys for the younger DC.

That always seems like loads to me and with under 5s we have to spread out the present opening so that it's not all in one go.

I'd probably return half, then keep some of the rest back for her birthday and some back for random days etc.

[Welcometothejingles]

Return some of them and buy a zoo or experience pass with the money so you can have nice trips. We bought family NT card £10 pcm & London science museum annual pass. We can get into all paid exhibitions and the wonder lab for free as many times as we like. Bonus is we don't have to queue, we walk straight in once we show our pass. Check your local museums & paid attractions (zoo) for similar.

[DomPom47]

Wow - How much have you spent? For my kids I get 3-5 things that I know they will really enjoy playing with and that can also be given to others when they have outgrown use as at least it doesn’t end up in the bin. Hopefully your daughter will enjoy and appreciate everything up I have got for her but for me it’s way too much.

[Dreamstate]

Wow I must be way out of touch, I'd only ever get 3 presents when I was a kid.

[RobertSmithsLipstick]

Well, since you asked, of course it's too much, and it won't compensate for other stuff anyway.

[Welcometothejingles]

The thing to remember is that other family members will get her gifts & you might end up with duplicates. So swap half & get her experiences & classes such as swimming. She can benefit from experiences all through the year.

[Frederica852]

I had a DD same age and I've bought a car mat with dinky cars and a couple of books. I think it's much too much tbh