Bought a lot to compensate- is it too much?

[whyola]

I've NC'd.

My children have had a hard year. My husband (their dad) and I separated, there have been other stressful family issues and I just kept buying things for my 4 year old but now I don't know if it's going to be too much and overwhelming?

Currently, the list stands at:

Belle and horse large toddler doll
Kindi kids doll
Spider-Man walkie talkies
Polly pocket set
Minnie Mouse hotel
Blanket
Soft toy x 2
Fairy doll
Peter rabbit jack in the box
Baby tumbles
Toy torch and projector
Busy book
Pyjamas
Figure sets from programme x 2
Books
Small light up fairy dolls x 2
New backpack
Bend and flex Spider-Man
Small cry baby
LOL small doll
Ring set
Makeup set (small)
Paint your own fairy set
Disney animators playset

And then some smaller things for stocking like dinosaur figure, very small soft baby, small soft Bing, bubble bath etc.

As I said, she's had a very hard year and I just kept getting things I saw that she'd like without thinking about what I had. Should I give it all to her on the day, or should I keep some of it back for later on next year?

You could spread the gift opening out during the day, we used to do that and it was a huge success.

I'm sorry you've had a hard year.

I do think that's an overwhelming about. I find that if there is too much they don't know what to do with themselves.

I've bought my 5yr old:

• camera
• PJs
• secret diary
• barbie annual
• dressing gown

She'll also get family gifts so this feels like a good amount.

She'll know that you love her without all those gifts, you could cut 2/3rd and she still have plenty.

I hope next year is a good one for you

I don't think thats too much at all. My DD is 6 and she's got roughly the same amount of presents, maybe a couple more but she doesn't get anything from anyone else; apart from money from my dad.

If she's getting overwhelmed, take a break from opening the presents and she can go back to the rest later.

Stick half (at least!) back for her birthday.

A 4 year old won't see gifts and toys as comfort, they need stability and happiness, not necessarily through how much you spend. As PP have said, either take some back or keep half to one side for birthdays/easter etc. Or donate a few to a charity, it'll make you both feel good to help others if you're able to.

I have done this before, it's easy to do and I'm even considering it now. December has been poop for us due to Dp catching covid and we haven't been able to do anything - so been internet shopping more gifts when I know that I was pretty much done. But I am
Trying not to go mad as it can be overwhelming. One birthday I went mad for Dd, it was too much for her. Sometimes it can be too much! Another year I bought too much for a birthday so ended up keeping some of it for Christmas! Not very helpful for you are not alone on this feeling!

It seems fine to me x

I think it’s a lot. I’d say a four-year-old “should” have a couple of presents from you, plus a stocking. Some of your extra presents might fit well in a stocking, though.

I don’t think quantity is the issue as much as content . Far too many dolls / figures in one go , and I’ve absolutely no idea why a 4yo needs a make up set .

We have a large extended family. My 10yo on her 4th birthday received about 7 dolls from different family members. She loved the first one and spent ages playing with it. By the last one she was so overwhelmed she said her 5 year old sister should have it instead. So sometimes I think less is more. My children get at least 12 gifts from extended family so I only buy them 5 or 6 plus stockings. Some of those will be books and clothes.

Way, way, way too much. Nothing will feel special because she'll be overwhelmed.

I'd keep the practical things (blanket, backpack). I'd keep the books. And then I'd do 3-4 toys of various sorts.

Hold things back for surprise fun presents throughout the winter, if you need it. And give the rest back.

I've discovered that my daughter has way more presents than I thought so I've wrapped half up for her birthday thats 7 weeks after Christmas.
Too many and she will be overwhelmed

I buy a lot of presents for mine too, but I also think that seems like a lot.

I'd hold back 1/3 for her birthday.

Yes, I think the number of dolls/play sets is an issue. Virtually the whole list is dolls of different types. Makeup and rings are also rather odd presents for such a young child. Surely dressing-up clothes might be better. There’s also only one thing in the list which she can actually do/build/make/create - the paint a fairy set.

Oh dear.

I don't think she will get as much pleasure out of the toys as you have buying them.

There's no way she can play with all. I prefer quality over quantity when it comes to presents

@lazylinguist

It's the thing to competitively under buy at Christmas on Mumsnet and I've never known of any child in real life getting such tiny amounts of gifts

I've never known any child getting the huge quantity of presents some MNers seem to buy. Also, many of the MNers you suspect of competitively 'under-buying' might simply not be able to afford lots of presents. Others just don't want to raise spoiled children.

I am the same. I don't know anyone in real life who buys so many toys/presents for Christmas. But I am from a slightly older generation and I come from another (European) culture, so perhaps not in tune with the times!

My little one gets 1-2 main presents from us (perhaps also some books), plus one each from grandparents and uncles/aunties. Well, all from Santa...but dropped here and there. I don't get the PJs or socks as I buy them when needed and would never be considered something to ask Santa for. And I also don't get the stocking fillers as they seem to me a lot of crap with little to no use. I'd rather buy them as little treats during the year.
When he'll be older and more interested in sweets I might add some few interesting ones.

Far too much for a four year old. Keep some for birthdays . Your daughter will just see a pile of presents and be overwhelmed. Honestly just give her a few and she’ll play and enjoy them far more.

@Oddbutnotodd

I agree it’s far too much. Maybe give some to a local Charity/womens refuge. I understand we’ve all had a tough year. Realistically will she play with most of it.

This! Food banks are crying out for donations. I personally couldn't sit and watch my dc open such a lot of totally unnecessary gifts, knowing that so many children are without.

@UsernameInTheTown

I go mad at Christmas and your list doesn't sound remotely over the top OP. It's the thing to competitively under buy at Christmas on Mumsnet and I've never known of any child in real life getting such tiny amounts of gifts and all this 'not letting Santa take the credit' etc.

I only know one child who gets mountains of presents, and she is the epitome of ‘spoilt’.

This is MN, you will be told it’s too much and 3 gifts and a tangerine will be plenty 😬

Seriously…if you think she won’t be overwhelmed and she will love all the things you bought then it’s fine.

I would probably put a couple bits back. Being a single parent myself I know that there will be days when you want things to keep your dd busy (if you are unwell, weathers awful, covid hits etc….) so I tend to put a few bits back in my wardrobe for those days.

I personally dont think its to much.

Maybe split it between the morning and afternoon on Xmas day and even save afew for Boxing day

Ahead of you you have some very expensive child-rearing years. I’d return quite a lot of that and save the money for the inevitable teenage cash drain of trainers that are repeatedly lost, expensive school trips, a sudden passion for learning an instrument or to drive and help with buying an old car or bike, or whatever.

I once got DD who was bout 5/6 30 presents and it was WAY too much by about double.