Forced to have the dog or go on holiday and fall out with everyone

[Ilovechoc12]

Hi,

We are large family (6 people - 4 kids under 10) and my dad owns a naughty yap dog that’s not well trained - treated better than the queen and it behaves like a cat hates going out in rain and doesn’t like going outside in bad weather/ rain. It’s a very ott precious well looked after dog. Very old and can be grumpy

They don’t trust this dog with anyone and kennels are the worst thing ever (according to them). So those two things are out the window. They are travelling 250 miles to be around their 3 children all live close to London. Only I’m the suitable candidate to have the dog as my sister has a dog (so precious can’t go there) brother is in the non friendly hotel.

The dog will want to go upstairs, sit on sofas and winge a lot. It’s not well trained as my dad just sits with it constantly. I’ve just had new carpets and is known to piss on carpets at times (but that’s because he’s old or marking his area but he won’t do it again 🤪🤪🤪 )

My boy has the stupid 11 plus at Xmas otherwise we would jump on a plane.

I do want a Christmas with my family and no dog

My mum has booked into a non dog friendly hotel and decided to dump the dog on me. Actually without her asking me only until I asked what is the dog doing she said o can u have it 😡😡😡.

However my 4 kids like the dog and like seeing everyone at Xmas (20 people) with all the cousins and aunty etc …. Over the Xmas season - so I have that to consider

So do you for 4 days over Xmas -

1. Accept the dog and have to get up at 6:30 to walk the dog and I absolutely hate picking up poo. It could piss anywhere down stairs. It’s barks like crazy if there are any birds / cats / fireworks in the night too.

1. Make someone stay in a dog friendly hotel. Which my mother is adamant she is staying in a particular hotel she’s booked which doesn’t allow dogs. So my dad would be by himself with the dog so this will cause friction

1. Piss off out of the country on holiday and have a massive bust up. Only issue my boy has 11 plus after Xmas 🤪 so not sure how much work he should be doing 😬😬😬

It’s stressing me out - we don’t have a dog as we don’t want one and get dumped with this one 😡 but now I’m guilted into we looked after your kids a lot when they were younger so can you help us 😡😡😡😡

What would you do?

Thank you xxxxx

"Oh mum, how lovely; we've just had new carpet, she'll be OK in a cage overnight won't she and when it's really busy in the house? I'll let you have a key so dad can let himself in in the mornings to walk her at 6.30. We're all so excited to get to spend some time with you.

Can’t believe your mother had booked to stay somewhere where no dogs are allowed.

I would accept the dog coming over with my parents, as long as they watch it while it’s in my house (and it sounds like your dad will). It leaves when they leave!

No chance would I let a badly behaved dog stay in my house, and I love dogs. Very presumptuous of your parents expecting you to have it. This is their dog, therefore their problem. Would they look after someones dog who was likely to piss on their new carpets? I doubt it.

My sister has done this to me before, decided I’ll have her little dog over night because I have dogs and kids and it’s only one more, right? He’s a little terror, howls all night and pissed on my carpets. It took me a few goes to be strong enough to say a flat no.

You need to be firm. Just say no. Do it. Be brave.

I wouldn't have the dog. I wouldn't want my Xmas ruined by a dog that wasn't mine. But I won't be a doormat. I'm not evil, when my brother got his dog it needed training etc and I was on maternity leave so everyday for 8 months I went and spent 2 hours with the dog helping train her and taking her for a walk when she was allowed, but I don't have a dog because I don't want a dog and I'm about to move into a new house that we're measuring up carpets for and MIL's dog also likes to mark his territory and I won't have it in my house and DP doesn't want it either🤷🏻‍♀️

@Flamingoose

What should you do, or what would I do? What I would do: put up with the dog. It's only four days and I'm a doormat. Path of least resistance. But I would involve the kids in caring for the dog so I'm not stuck doing all the walking and poo wit no assistance. What you should actually do: just say no. This is not your problem to solve. Say no, and that's that.

So much this

I wouldn't have a dog in my house. The dog owner needs to find a dog friendly place to stay.

Even if your parents did provide childcare when your children were young it does not mean that you should feel unable to refuse to look after their dog. I provide extensive childcare for my grandchildren but I would never expect my daughter to look after an animal of mine. If your mother had asked you first that would be acceptable because you would have had a choice, but to present you with a situation where you feel you have to have the dog is very wrong. I would be very cross I’m afraid and would have the inevitable ‘row’; but there’s no way I would look after the dog overnight. Your parents are being very thoughtless.

[quote gogohm]@Flamingoose

11 year olds studying for exams over Christmas isn't normal, no exams for 90% of school entry. Must be a private school or highly selective (only in a few places, none where I have lived)[/quote]
Pretty much all state selective schools I know of have their exams in the preceding autumn, but pretty much all independent schools I know of have their exams in January.

Timetables make sense as the state school exams need to be done before the application deadlines at the end of October so that parents can make an informed choice about which schools to put on their preferences form. State school places are communicated in March/April and independent schools time their January exams to be able to make their offers on a broadly similar timescale. Unless a school is deliberately trying to filter out anyone who is considering other options, they'll make their acceptance deadline to be a week or so after the date when applicants will know what their other options are.

What did you say when they asked if you could have the dog? I think you shouldn't let your parents make this your problem. It's their dog, you don't want it that's the end of the story. They can't just decide they want to stay somewhere that's not dog friendly and dump the dog on you. It's not your problem to solve it's theirs.

Not a chance I would have a dog which I thought would be weeing in the house, and I have had dogs all my life. The thought of the stress of having a dog in the house which wees inside, with new carpets and over Christmas is just awful.

No fucking dog. I have a dog that has “ishoos”…not at all what I wanted or expected, but I certainly don’t expect anyone else to deal with them, let alone pander to them. (Also, I didn’t actually create them, and do my very best to ensure that she and everyone else are safe - and let me assure you that this involves a lot of sacrifice.)
Your DM has a lot of nerve booking a holiday in a non dog-friendly place and assuming you’d take the dog. That’s not cool. Blanket no.

Can't stand yappy dogs.

I'd have no issues saying no.

I wouldn't even say why, I'd just say no.

I'd tell them no. If they dump the dog on you before they leave and you can afford to, put him in a kennel and tell them they can collect him from there when they get back.

**Unless they are happy to sign a legally binding agreement to replace any carpets, toys, garments, footwear or furnishings destroyed, stained or “scented” by the dog with items of your choice.

WTF? Why hasn't your mum booked a dog friendly hotel? Why aren't the people who actually own the dog putting themselves out?

Say no. If they ask why or make a fuss, say I don't want the added responsibility, on top of four kids, organising Christmas and helping DC revise for 11+.

You don't want the dog, don't have it.
Say no. No excuses, no nonsense. If it was me I'd be saying, "I can't stand the thing, not my dog, your responsibility". No way would I be having any dog - even a well behaved dog - in my house. Just don't have it. If the adults want to throw a tantrum about it, let them. Not your responsibility....

Absolutely nothing to do with whether anyone looked after your kids when they were younger....presumably your kids don't have 4 legs, yap and behave like a dog??

Have Christmas how you want it....

It’s a MN cliche, but true: “No” is a complete sentence!
I wish all women were given basic assertiveness training in childhood. Instead of being socialised to “be kind”, give in, be emotionally blackmailed and walked all over.
You don’t want the dog, OP?
Say so. Firmly and finally.

I’d say no, I’m not having the dog and let them sort out kennels or any other option.

Voice of experience as I’ve tried to compromise before and it just ended up with a massive family fallout and a dog phobia for me.

I'd say no chance. Not my dog, not my responsibility. It's pure CF behaviour to dump their dog on you while they stay in a hotel.

Their dog, their responsibility. Say no.

@Flamingoose

Also, I am amazed at the idea of an 11 yr old studying for an exam over Christmas. Is that really something that everyone does? I've not lived in UK for decades.

No, it isn't.

I would take the dog and train it while they are away but I like dogs.

OP this gets worse and worse the more I think about it. so you have 4 young children, one who is studying for a big exam, it is Christmas which can be stressful anyway and your parents want you to look after their poor behaved dog who is likely to piss on your carpets whilst they get to relax in a hotel for 4 days?

I would be saying no.

Just say no. End of conversation. It is not your problem to solve.

@ScaredOfDinosaurs

Just say no. End of conversation. It is not your problem to solve.

This.