Forced to have the dog or go on holiday and fall out with everyone

[Ilovechoc12]

Hi,

We are large family (6 people - 4 kids under 10) and my dad owns a naughty yap dog that’s not well trained - treated better than the queen and it behaves like a cat hates going out in rain and doesn’t like going outside in bad weather/ rain. It’s a very ott precious well looked after dog. Very old and can be grumpy

They don’t trust this dog with anyone and kennels are the worst thing ever (according to them). So those two things are out the window. They are travelling 250 miles to be around their 3 children all live close to London. Only I’m the suitable candidate to have the dog as my sister has a dog (so precious can’t go there) brother is in the non friendly hotel.

The dog will want to go upstairs, sit on sofas and winge a lot. It’s not well trained as my dad just sits with it constantly. I’ve just had new carpets and is known to piss on carpets at times (but that’s because he’s old or marking his area but he won’t do it again 🤪🤪🤪 )

My boy has the stupid 11 plus at Xmas otherwise we would jump on a plane.

I do want a Christmas with my family and no dog

My mum has booked into a non dog friendly hotel and decided to dump the dog on me. Actually without her asking me only until I asked what is the dog doing she said o can u have it 😡😡😡.

However my 4 kids like the dog and like seeing everyone at Xmas (20 people) with all the cousins and aunty etc …. Over the Xmas season - so I have that to consider

So do you for 4 days over Xmas -

1. Accept the dog and have to get up at 6:30 to walk the dog and I absolutely hate picking up poo. It could piss anywhere down stairs. It’s barks like crazy if there are any birds / cats / fireworks in the night too.

1. Make someone stay in a dog friendly hotel. Which my mother is adamant she is staying in a particular hotel she’s booked which doesn’t allow dogs. So my dad would be by himself with the dog so this will cause friction

1. Piss off out of the country on holiday and have a massive bust up. Only issue my boy has 11 plus after Xmas 🤪 so not sure how much work he should be doing 😬😬😬

It’s stressing me out - we don’t have a dog as we don’t want one and get dumped with this one 😡 but now I’m guilted into we looked after your kids a lot when they were younger so can you help us 😡😡😡😡

What would you do?

Thank you xxxxx

@OnyxOryx

OP cut the cord. You're an adult now. Be joined leader of your own pack with your DH. Him and DC are your main family now not parents. If people run round appeasing their parents until those parents die, and plenty lives into 80s or 90s now, then people aren't free to be full adults until they're past retirement age themselves. That's crazy. Be a full adult now and take charge of your own destiny and your new carpets

This, × 1000.

My DP's did exactly this. Wanted to be in charge always. Objected to meeting at times we suggested, even though he had nothing on, because he wanted to be the one picking the time and setting the agenda. Said he was still 'head of the family' even though that didn't seem to include any obligations on his part, only on ours. Do not give in to this, or you are signing yourself and your kids up to a toxic person's control.

Say you can't have the dog, and if that means they can't come that's very sad but you understand their decision. Repeat it broken record style.

@Fireflygal

You son shouldn't need to do constant 11plus revision over Christmas. So go on holiday if that works.

If you were asian (like me), you would think/experience otherwise! Xd

Sounds like a small favour to me. I'd have the dog. Never know when you might need help!

Seems like a massive over reaction over 4 days tbh. Why would you need to be up that early? Have you asked your children to help. Projecting here but bet they'd love a dog to look after/ walk for 4 days

@Marmite17

Seems like a massive over reaction over 4 days tbh. Why would you need to be up that early? Have you asked your children to help. Projecting here but bet they'd love a dog to look after/ walk for 4 days

OP doesnt want the shitting pissing biting dog!

Can you afford to say youll take it, then put it in a kennel?

Nope, not a chance I’d be looking after anyone else’s manky dog over Christmas.

I really don’t understand why you’re putting up with such nonsense from your parents? Just tell them you’ll visit them sometime in the new year and get on with your lives. 🤷🏻‍♀️

And maybe looking after her children wasn't convenient. Give and take. Massive overthinking BTW re toxic relationships

OP, if you dont want the drama and the falling out you can pretend you are going away for some days.

But you should not have to tolerate having a dog at your place if you don't want to.

Have the dog. Let it out in garden for morning wee and tell your parents they need to come and walk it etc.

No way would I have a dog pissing on old carpets let alone new ones!!

Go with 3, have a chat to the teacher before you go and work out some revision time for your son.

It's just 4 days and it's for your parents. I'd make it clear you're not too happy but you'll do it on the understanding that you have new carpets and if it pees on them you'll expect a professional clean to be paid for. Crate it overnight. It'll probably be as unhappy being dumped with you as you are having it. It'll want it's pampering dad. Just try and love it a little for 4 days.
That'd be what I'd do but I'm a dog lover through and through and would forgive them most things. Good luck with whichever you choose and good luck to your son in the 11+

One little dog can do a lot of damage in four days to brand new carpets when it will not be crated, or locked out.
@Ilovechoc12 your parents need obedience training I think. That poor dog has been anthropomorphised for a reason.

My family know better than to ask me to have a dog. 😈

But I actually think it would be more hassle to go away over Christmas.
Wouldn’t bother walking it though. If it’s yappy it must be small.

I’d do number 3 and absolutely be firm that there’s no bust up. There would be no discussion. I would send a message “we can’t have the dog this year as we are going on holiday and won’t be here”. You’re an adult. Be an adult. Very easy to revise on holiday. Make sure you book somewhere with free WiFi and enough space (separate rooms with doors that shut) to allow revision space. Two hours every day should be enough and the rest of the time is fun time. Sounds perfect to me

My parents love to make unreasonable demands like this, and in my long and painful experience there is only one way to deal with it. Say no and don't offer a solution.

If you suggest an alternative, you are making this your problem, which it is not. Your mother is having her position validated, and you are taking on the responsibility of solving a problem that you didn't create. It doesn't actually matter what your parents do about this, that's for them to decide. What matters is that you are firm about not having the dog in your house.

Oh my god. You have to say no. She’s calling YOU selfish but she’s staying in a posh hotel and expecting her child to look after the dog. Stand up to her. You are sacrificing your house and your kids happiness to look after a spoilt dog. Your mother needs to be put in her place. You are the leader of your pack and the answer is no

How about option 4?
You stay in your house over Christmas, do whatever you want and say no to having the dog!
This dog is not your responsibility no matter how many times they looked after your children.
If you give in to this now, they will expect it in the future too. Please do not give in to blackmail. You know where your boundaries are so keep to them.
How they sort out their dog's care is their responsibility alone unless of course he's your dog too!

You need to use the word that is not 'yes' to your parents. It is difficult but you can do it!

They will recover and will find a way to cope with their own dog.

Um... you are are a grown up and you can say NO without all the martyrdom.

I would just refuse. If anyone falls out with you about it they need to get over themselves. Do it now though so that your parents have time to make arrangements.

I love dogs, we have one. I would NEVER presume that anyone would take her on because it can be hard work to look after her - nevermind that it's xmas too!!

We are going abroad next year (arranged before she came on the scene) and due to her clingy personality I know she would hate kennels and be miserable in there. Instead I am paying double the kennels fees so that she can go to a dog boarder who will look after her in their home - I am also paying for day care there in the lead up so that she knows the place a bit.

@Marmite17

And maybe looking after her children wasn't convenient. Give and take. Massive overthinking BTW re toxic relationships

Who is looking after who's children?

OP doesnt get childcare from her DM as far as I could read on this thread.

Maybe you should take the pissing dog?

This is nuts. I can't believe you've been guilt tripped into hosting your whole family and babysitting their bloody dog!!!

Your dad is also being tricky though as your sister is willing to have the dog but he has vetoed it. I think he’s the one making life difficult.