Forced to have the dog or go on holiday and fall out with everyone

[Ilovechoc12]

Hi,

We are large family (6 people - 4 kids under 10) and my dad owns a naughty yap dog that’s not well trained - treated better than the queen and it behaves like a cat hates going out in rain and doesn’t like going outside in bad weather/ rain. It’s a very ott precious well looked after dog. Very old and can be grumpy

They don’t trust this dog with anyone and kennels are the worst thing ever (according to them). So those two things are out the window. They are travelling 250 miles to be around their 3 children all live close to London. Only I’m the suitable candidate to have the dog as my sister has a dog (so precious can’t go there) brother is in the non friendly hotel.

The dog will want to go upstairs, sit on sofas and winge a lot. It’s not well trained as my dad just sits with it constantly. I’ve just had new carpets and is known to piss on carpets at times (but that’s because he’s old or marking his area but he won’t do it again 🤪🤪🤪 )

My boy has the stupid 11 plus at Xmas otherwise we would jump on a plane.

I do want a Christmas with my family and no dog

My mum has booked into a non dog friendly hotel and decided to dump the dog on me. Actually without her asking me only until I asked what is the dog doing she said o can u have it 😡😡😡.

However my 4 kids like the dog and like seeing everyone at Xmas (20 people) with all the cousins and aunty etc …. Over the Xmas season - so I have that to consider

So do you for 4 days over Xmas -

1. Accept the dog and have to get up at 6:30 to walk the dog and I absolutely hate picking up poo. It could piss anywhere down stairs. It’s barks like crazy if there are any birds / cats / fireworks in the night too.

1. Make someone stay in a dog friendly hotel. Which my mother is adamant she is staying in a particular hotel she’s booked which doesn’t allow dogs. So my dad would be by himself with the dog so this will cause friction

1. Piss off out of the country on holiday and have a massive bust up. Only issue my boy has 11 plus after Xmas 🤪 so not sure how much work he should be doing 😬😬😬

It’s stressing me out - we don’t have a dog as we don’t want one and get dumped with this one 😡 but now I’m guilted into we looked after your kids a lot when they were younger so can you help us 😡😡😡😡

What would you do?

Thank you xxxxx

Your parents need to rebook their accommodation!

At least they don't want to stay with you too. I think you've got off quite lightly.

Also your DS needs to relax over the holidays, he absolutely shouldn't be doing practice tests (I have eight DC who've passed the 11+ for a superselective grammar. It's a bad idea to keep doing these tests, not a good one).

@Flamingoose

Also, I am amazed at the idea of an 11 yr old studying for an exam over Christmas. Is that really something that everyone does? I've not lived in UK for decades.

no, it's not.

@goodbyestranger

At least they don't want to stay with you too. I think you've got off quite lightly.

Also your DS needs to relax over the holidays, he absolutely shouldn't be doing practice tests (I have eight DC who've passed the 11+ for a superselective grammar. It's a bad idea to keep doing these tests, not a good one).

Oh god don't listen to mumsnet about the 11 plus. It's perfectly fine to revise over the Xmas hols if it's not too stressful for him. The majority of other kids will, whatever mumsnet says.

This is cheeky as fuck.

I adore my mum's dog, and the dog adores me, so I'm usually over the moon when they need somewhere for her to stay. But even knowing this, my mother would still ask me before booking something. She would never just assume I was taking the dog, and she wouldn't be arsey with me if I said no.

Either say no (best idea] or leave the country. Don’t worry about the 11+. It’s an intelligence test more than an exam so can’t be learnt or revised for as such. As long as he has done quite a few practice papers to learn the techniques needed he will be fine.

Worth noting that a dog friendly hotel won't let you leave the dog there alone so its still likely to come to you in the day even if they rebooked

If it was a well behaved dog that you only had to walk morning and evening and was otherwise sweet and delightful, I'd say take the dog. I do think we should help our family out with this sort of thing (we do in my family generally).

If it's spoiled, grumpy and wees on the carpet though, that's your Dad's fault and he should live with the consequences of people not wanting to look after it.

Don't take the dog. I'm sure it'll be fine in a kennel, and if not he can re-book his hotel.

Go on holiday!

Not your dog, not your problem? If they turn up with it, tell them to leave as it’s not welcome in your house. If they attempt to drop it off and leave tell them you will be calling the rspca / dog warden/ whoever collects abandoned dogs to come and take it away. Tell them to stop making their problem into your problem.

Honestly, family help each other out don't they? Just be generous and helpful and have the dog I'm sure they'd do the same for you.

It's not ideal, but you're helping them have a lovely, worry free Christmas with family. The dog sounds like a nightmare but you do too.

Every time I see a thread like this from now on I'm going to make the same comment.

Stop trying to please everyone when they're not trying to please you. Respect your own boundaries.

Do what you want to do at Christmas. Go away if you want to. But don't go away just to avoid the dog. It's absolutely fine to stay home, invite them for Christmas and make very clear you will not be having the dog. That's all you need to do. Your parents then need to decide what they want to do. Hotels etc are not your problem.

@bucketsoflove

Every time I see a thread like this from now on I'm going to make the same comment.

Stop trying to please everyone when they're not trying to please you. Respect your own boundaries.

Do what you want to do at Christmas. Go away if you want to. But don't go away just to avoid the dog. It's absolutely fine to stay home, invite them for Christmas and make very clear you will not be having the dog. That's all you need to do. Your parents then need to decide what they want to do. Hotels etc are not your problem.

This! It's one of the most important life skills in the world to learn.

Is your child doing the 11 plus because they had a time extension on the exam this year and had it delayed? ie is there a good chance they will pass the 11 plus?

Hang on your parents are together and it is THEIR dog so they need to book somewhere that allows the dog. This is not your problem.

It really annoys me when people absolve themselves of responsibility and expect someone else to pick up the slack.

I wouldn’t let the dog in. I don’t have pets due to allergy but it wouldn’t be my main reason in this case . I wouldn’t let the dog in as a matter of principle. You have 4 children and no pets - you’ve made your life style choices already.
And I don’t think that you’re horrible about this dog more like realistic.

@summercupcake, really?

Mum and Dad need to compromise too.

A 250 mile journey is tough for a dog, the OP will be having a stressful enough time with 4 children at Christmas, one revising for a life changing exam and a spoilt, elderly, incontinent dog on top of that would be too much.

Remember, Mum and Dad will be in a hotel and are proposing to effectively kennel the mutt with the OP, instead of an actual kennel closer to their own home.

That would be a 'no' from me.

I'd even offer to pay to put the dog in a kennel closer to the parents' home.

Eugh. Just to sensecheck-
Bad dog owners are coming to you for christmas, staying in a local hotel that doesn’t accept dogs?! 😳

I suppose you really have to ask if you are willing to put up with the dog and deal with it to have Christmas with your family?

Personally I think your parents should book a dog friendly hotel when they are booking a hotel as you have been clear you don't want to care for the dog.

However my 4 kids like the dog and like seeing everyone at Xmas (20 people) with all the cousins and aunty etc …. Over the Xmas season - so I have that to consider

^This to me would be the crux and then deciding from there how much I'm willing to concede to have that happen.

I'd be willing to be flexible for a nice, well-trained, well-behaved dog where their owners would be around to do the bulk of the walking and doggy responsibilities.

No way would I have a badly behaved, poorly trained dog in my house and be expected to provide free doggy daycare for them.

Your parents need to make appropriate arrangements for their dog that don't involve pushing the responsibility to you.

Just tell them it won’t work for you and they have to work something else out.

Number 2 for me. It does not sound like it's worth the hassle. Assert your boundaries they will have to come up with something. Good luck.

Morning

Thank you for everyone’s comments it means a lot!!!!

So I’ve found a country house with swimming pool that’s available and allows dogs 🤩 I’m going to show it to my mum. She what she has to say.

To the people who has mentioned a Crete or kennels outside - omg the dog would bark constantly and cry.

Plus locking it in my kitchen that is the most expensive bit of my house which is new. And he scratches doors to get them open - he’s used to being with people and I don’t want my doors with scratch marks on.

Sitters - omg my mother never trusts anyone to be in her house let alone someone looking after precious. She won’t let anyone look after it too as I suggested I’d find someone / anyone locally!

I agree if I allow it this time it will become to normal for me to have it then it will be like oh can you take care of him again you did it at Xmas.

Just feel sorry for the kids as they would have a blast with everyone.

However I certainly don’t want the dog pissing on Santa presents / eating santas plate!

The boy is independent school and all these exams 5/6/7 Jan etc - he prob won’t do much / anything as he’s quite lazy with learning 🤪🤪🤪 so if we went away and he didn’t get into a school then how much guilt would I feel 🤪🤪🤪 or he only got into the safety net school I would be disappointed.

We will see what she says. Think I’ve decided no dog over night but will accept it day time when someone can watch it’s not jumping on sofas etc and others can help with walking it.

If she point blank refuses I’m off on holiday and she will miss out on the kids

Xxx

It sounds like your children like the big family Christmas- or is it just that they've never experienced anything different? If I felt my children all loved seeing family and the dog then I'd be willing to consider it. If they aren't actually that bothered I'd say no to the dog.

As a mum of a DD in year 11 at a Grammar School I honestly can't imagine making her revise for the 11+ over the Christmas holidays! I also went to a Grammar School and did no revision either, it baffles me that parents now make their child revise for the exam or even employ tutors to get them through it. My DD has seen first hand children struggling because they were coached to pass an exam and then find the daily work too challenging. I'm not saying this is the case with your child at all OP, what I'm trying to say is if you want a family holiday go and enjoy it.