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Original poster

Worried I’ll spend Xmas stopping kids from wrecking the joint

175 replies

SpikyCactus · 27/09/2018 23:39

DP and I are hosting Xmas dinner this year. We previously lived in a tiny rented flat so have never hosted, but we bought our first home recently and have ordered new furniture. Chuffed that it will be lovely for Xmas, we texted photos of what we picked to our family.

SIL has replied “will the kids even be allowed to come in lol? You know they’re boisterous and will bash toys off the furniture”. I said they won’t be allowed to do that in my home but my DS has a big padded mat that he plays on and I’ve also ordered an indoor tent so I can set up a nice play corner for the kids. SIL said “good luck, it’ll be a laugh watching you trying to make them play on the mat, they hate being restricted and will scream if you try to make them stay there”.

AIBU to be annoyed? My own DS is younger than his cousins but he plays on the mat no problem and understands that he isn’t permitted to hit the furniture. I’m now not looking forward to Xmas because I’m worried I’ll spend the whole time stopping the kids from wrecking the joint. We saved for a long time and can’t afford to replace damaged furniture. I can foresee me kicking off because the kids whack my new table and it’ll end in a huge argument.

OP posts:
LondonLassInTheCountry · 27/09/2018 23:42

How old are the other children?

Cumbrianlass66 · 27/09/2018 23:46

SIL sounds like a jealous piss taker who’ll be more than happy to stand by whilst her DC wreck your joint. If my DC were deliberately destructive I wouldn’t go and I certainly wouldn’t be deliberately winding you up about the lack of control I had over my DC and lack of respect I was instilling in them.
My DC aren’t perfect but I would be making an effort or declining your invitation.

PerspicaciaTick · 27/09/2018 23:47

I'd be tempted to let SIL know that if she can't even attempt to control her children, then they can all stay away. She is being rude and aggressive.

Tinkerbell89 · 27/09/2018 23:48

Maybe advise your family that they are responsible for their children and any damage costs will fall on them. Puts the responsibility back on them to manage their kids. Alternatively don't host and advise if they think the kids will cause damage you aren't prepared to have everyone over

HeddaGarbled · 27/09/2018 23:49

Your SIL is being a snarky bitch, but you do need to be aware that there is a risk that your new stuff may get damaged.

Children should not be permitted to deliberately hit anything or anyone with toys but could easily do so accidentally. It is highly unlikely that you will be able to contain them on a mat or in a tent.

Adults, particularly adults who have had a drink or two, can sometimes also have accidents.

Original poster
SpikyCactus · 27/09/2018 23:51

Cousins are 2 and 4.

I told SIL that the kids need to stay in the play area away from the oven as the door gets hot. She said she’d just tell them not to touch it. So why can’t she also tell them to stay on the mat and not bash toys off the furniture?

OP posts:
NarcolepticOuchMouse · 27/09/2018 23:51

Yeah I'd say that she needs to have control of them otherwise they'll have to leave. You're being perfectly accommodating providing spaces for them to play in, the least she can do is actually parent her children.

SerenDippyEggs · 27/09/2018 23:53

Sounds as if she's planning to have a veeeery relaxed Christmas. Piss taker Hmm you'll have to lay down the law and if she doesn't abide by it, off she pops with some sprouts in a napkin!

Sundance2741 · 27/09/2018 23:53

Sounds like it'll be fun ...Not. Would put me off hosting for them - the attitude of your sil I mean, probably the kids will be ok.

HeddaGarbled · 27/09/2018 23:59

Do you really all think that a 2 and 4 year old will stay on the designated mat for more than a short while? Or that this is a reasonable expectation? They’ll be running backwards and forwards to their parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, won’t they?

LightDrizzle · 28/09/2018 00:02

I’m also wondering how old her children are.
I’d be bricking it too OP, it was pretty nasty of her to respond in that way, it does sound rather like a statement of intent.
If she repeats anything similar, perhaps you can reply in the same spirit: “Of course the children are welcome! They are old enough to understand Auntie Spikey has different rules in her house.” Be sure add the obligatory and fucking irritating “LOL!”.
Explain the rules as soon as they have said their hellos and if SIL scoffs, just sing-song “We’ll if you don’t play nicely, mummy or daddy will just have to take you outside so we’d better stay on the mat with toys and have fun in the tent hadn’t we?”
If she kicks off before she comes, it might not be a bad thing. It all sounds a bit stressful given she has clearly indicated she won’t “restrict” her little scamps.

I’d be dreading it.

WhatAPandemonium · 28/09/2018 00:04

Tell her straight - if she cannot prevent her kids from damaging your property then they are uninvited from Xmas.

She sounds like an idiot.

pumkinspicetime · 28/09/2018 00:07

Your SIL sounds like she is winding you up and DC shouldn't bash furniture deliberately but it isn't realistic to suggest that Xmas hyper DC are only going to play on a mat if they aren't used to it. Having family round is great but it does increase the risk of spills, bumps etc from adults and DC.

converseandjeans · 28/09/2018 00:08

YANBU to expect SIL or DB to control their kids. But YABU if you expect kids that age to stay on mat/on tent. It doesn't sound like much fun tbh. For anyone.

buckeejit · 28/09/2018 00:08

I bet that fucker just says 'ah well, boys will be boys' when they're trashing the place - as though the nature of male children absolves her from any parenting duties. Can you tell I have a friend who uses this phrase to avoid dealing with bad behaviour?

YourMilkshakeIsBetterThanMine · 28/09/2018 00:34

You sound a bit smug. I'm glad your child likes his mat. My eldest and youngest are quiet, obedient children too. They'd love your mat. My middle child would only use it to powerslam her unsuspecting siblings/cousins. Girls will be girls!

Banging toys off furniture isn't on. Even mine don't do that. Although middle DC does ram her monster trucks into the sofa/wall/fireguard/door. Is that bashing toys off furniture? Wait, am I your SIL? Shit. Best stay home this year.

Piesy · 28/09/2018 00:49

Would love to pictures of the furniture, it sounds lovely

Alanamackree · 28/09/2018 07:13

Sorry OP but that sounds like a miserable Christmas you’re planning. At 2 and 4 my dc were well behaved and certainly not destructive but there is no way they could have spent Christmas sitting on a mat.
I can just imagine having to spend Christmas Day on high alert in case the children break the rules and leave their designated safety zone while you watch your furniture like a hawk and panic if anyone is drinking red wine.

I have never let my dc run wild or damage anyone’s home. But what you’re expecting of the children is unreasonable.

rainingcatsanddog · 28/09/2018 07:22

Yabu to assume that kids will stay on a mat.

Yanbu to think that they shouldn't bang toys into furniture.

Your SIL is jealous or pre-empting you charging her for damages as she won't be watching her kids Wine

Raven88 · 28/09/2018 07:22

Make sure you buy them the nosiest toys from now on and fill every package with glitter but make sure they are opened in her home.

I get kids will play but bashing toys on furniture and destroying things isn't on. I would have treats ready for bribes for her kids and if you see them doing something say no.

Does your sister like to wind you up?

newhousenewstart · 28/09/2018 07:40

A 2 and a 4 year old will not, and should not stay on a mat! I've spent my life with various ages children in my home. Not once has any child 'bashed' toys on furniture. Yes cars may get rammed into the sofa while playing but nothing should get damaged. My one rule was always no food on sofas. Food is eaten at the table. Toys are there to be played with but any deliberate bashing would have me telling a child to stop it or the toy needs to be taken away

youarenotkiddingme · 28/09/2018 07:44

Reply

"Oh it's such a shame you don't want to attend this year as you don't think you can control your children."

Children will have a go at jumping on furniture and will be excited - especially Xmas day. But bashing toys off the furniture is an extreme behaviour and if they do it you tell them to stop and remove toy if necessary.

But please remember if your LO hasn't yet got toddler stage you have not yet met the period of time she's talking about. Your own child could attempt to become a furniture basher in the future!

CocoLoco87 · 28/09/2018 07:51

A few things to comment on. Do you have a little kids table and chairs (like the Ikea variety) that you could have different activities on throughout the day. I was in your position last year except with 5 nieces/nephews plus my own 2. I bought new playdough sets, sticker activity packs, duplo, and had a Christmas paw patrol DVD with short episodes at the ready.

Yes I was slightly in edge for the day, and a couple of toys did get broken, but it was a lot less stressful because I was fully armed for whatever they threw at me!

If you have a garden, why don't you hide Christmas baubles or objects outside so they can get some fresh air at some point. They can trade the baubles for chocs.

CocoLoco87 · 28/09/2018 07:53

And that was with 5 of them being 3 & under. I understand the predicament!

Chocolala · 28/09/2018 07:55

Oh it's such a shame you don't want to attend this year as you don't think you can control your children.

This. There is absolutely no reason for children to be ‘bashing toys‘ off furniture. They learn it pretty damn quick if someone bothers to step in immediately they try it with a ‘no’ and redirection to another activity.

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