Worried I’ll spend Xmas stopping kids from wrecking the joint

[SpikyCactus]

DP and I are hosting Xmas dinner this year. We previously lived in a tiny rented flat so have never hosted, but we bought our first home recently and have ordered new furniture. Chuffed that it will be lovely for Xmas, we texted photos of what we picked to our family.

SIL has replied “will the kids even be allowed to come in lol? You know they’re boisterous and will bash toys off the furniture”. I said they won’t be allowed to do that in my home but my DS has a big padded mat that he plays on and I’ve also ordered an indoor tent so I can set up a nice play corner for the kids. SIL said “good luck, it’ll be a laugh watching you trying to make them play on the mat, they hate being restricted and will scream if you try to make them stay there”.

AIBU to be annoyed? My own DS is younger than his cousins but he plays on the mat no problem and understands that he isn’t permitted to hit the furniture. I’m now not looking forward to Xmas because I’m worried I’ll spend the whole time stopping the kids from wrecking the joint. We saved for a long time and can’t afford to replace damaged furniture. I can foresee me kicking off because the kids whack my new table and it’ll end in a huge argument.

You have fenced off an area? Presumably you do not plan to host your dc friends for playdates either. A glass topped table will soon get covered in fingerprints let alone risk of the sharp edges. Sticky fingers on the sofas and toilet training accidents. Just make one room child proof and less precious for Christmas Day. A non mobile 1 yo is very different to toddlers and preschoolers, but bear in mind your baby will soon develop into one with all the curiosity and cunning that follows. I think your sil will have the last laugh if you carry on like this.

Actually sticky fingers can for the most part be avoided. Food at the table, hands wiped before or immediately after getting down.

But children do need areas where they can race toy cars around, build towers and knock them over, play with playdough, build tents, have pretend tea parties etc.

And a house has to work for all the inhabitants, not just those over 5ft.

This

The child doesn’t get to say what he “will” do

Is faintly terrifying. The idea is for your children to develop into autonomous adults. Not mini-mes, not people with an incredibly narrow world view who do exactly what they are told every time. Like it or not, shaping an inquisitive independent child starts early.

You sound very strong willed. Bear in mind you may turn out to have a strong willed child who might refuse to eat if not allowed to set their own rules around it. I have an ASD child with the associated common food issues, I’ve seen other parents let their kids lose weight because they are simply too stubborn to let it go and allow floor picnics / dessert before main / eating with the TV on / other stuff that doesn’t really matter. It’s bizarre and frankly, childish to be so rigid.

YANBU my dds are boisterous feral farm girls and know very well when we go somewhere they don't wreck things or bash toys off furniture. SIL would get swiftly evicted on the end of my toe for encouraging them (the kids could stay!)

A 4 year old is a school aged child. In a play pen. 🤣

I know. it’s bizarre isn’t it. My 4 year old has just come in from school, made herself a drink and a snack and is now sitting at the kitchen table cutting and sticking (unsupervised). The thought of putting her in a play pen is insane!

As @PerspicaciaTick said, but just add a “lol” on the end to mirror her passive aggressiveness

My 4 year old has just got in from school, got himself changed (slowly), got himself a drink and turned Netflix on! Wish I had a playpen to see his reaction

Is this a fake thread?

Confined to a playpen and mat?

Talk of swift action if your ds steps out of line(FYI children conform better with positive reinforcement rather than negative.

These are your nephews you are talking about. Sweet happy little boys who will be excited because it's Christmas. I think it's time to consider other people and stop putting your needs and wants first. If you're hosting just move the coffee table. You are worrying about something that hasn't happened yet.

God I can’t imagine why they’d want to spend Xmas with you so I’m guessing it’s because they want to see your ds.

It is both hilarious and saddening that you think ‘I will discipline my child therefore they will not keep doing some undesired behaviour’ . I can only imagine how much easier parenting would be if that was the case

Your kid is still a baby but I strongly suggest you sort your priorities before he’s much bigger. Dd had a friend at nursery who had a mother like you. The poor kid never relaxed - even at nursery she’d be worrying about messes being made and getting stressed out massively and crying and being anxious. It was awful.

Dear oh dear op. You're in for a massive shock when your ds is a little older!

My grandma was like this, due to her age she called it nerves - however now would be deemed OCD

For us it was stressful but less extreme - washing dishes immediately after use,couldn't get crumbs anywhere.

For my dad -that and her other behaviours due to mental health has scarred him for life

Remember your choices will have consequences for your children as they grow.

Home should be a safe space they can relax in

In the beginning I was sort of agreeing with you as I wouldn't like things I saved hard for getting damaged however the more you post the more I feel sorry for your ds!

First you actually have no idea what's to come with your son, a 1 year old is totally different to a 2 year old.

You think you're going to not let him go in certain rooms until he's old enough to sit and not move in it. It's his HOME and homes should be a safe haven and a comfort to children.

Your sil has totally the right idea, fill the house with cheap stuff while the kids are young and spend money on making them happy.
Forget about your house and your furniture and take your child to Disney.

Aren’t houses supposed to be for the enjoyment of everyone That lives in them? It seems rather ridiculous to fill a house with fragile furniture when you have young children. Fragile houses are for adults!

Having now read what you've said since I posted, I have lost a lot of sympathy for you. How can your life NOT revolve around your 1 year old? You are HIS world and at this age, pretty much all your decisions should take into account HIS needs.

I'd reply with

"I'm sorry but I'm out home, your children will be expected to behave and respect our belongings. If they can't behave then I'm afraid they will have to leave."

Either she is being a dick or she is making a joke to show you how controlling you are. It's hard to judge without knowing either of you.

I kind of agree with her that you can't confine young children to a 'zone' although I agree with you that children can be warned / reprimanded.

You sound too invested in your furniture tbh. As your own child gets bigger you are going to struggle keeping things perfect tbh and hosting anyone comes with risks.

Have just read more of this thread.

I feel so so sorry for your dc when he is a toddler. I hope you relax about all this a bit.

OP, I did a search and you seem to be having a tough time with your life, relationship and being a Mum. You have had a hard time on this thread, including from me.

But if you think you need to talk to someone, get help. Couples counselling to talk about the changes in your relationship since having a baby?

You sound terrifying, Christmas in your house sounds miserable and I feel extremely sorry for your son, and I suspect DH.

If you're so uptight about your precious furniture then have it delivered for after Christmas. You need to host because you've taken advantage of people's hospitality over the years.

@SpikyCactus I've read some of your previous replies here and I still don't think you're being unreasonable.

You parent the way you like. I didn't let DD do crafts until she could sit at the table really at home. If she wanted to do them, we'd go to my mums and do it outside.

You're also not unreasonable to not want to change your house around to accommodate SIL unruly children. At 2 they can also go in a play pen and at 4, well she should be teaching them to respect your house and not mess around.

Stick with what you're doing. If she can't control her children in an acceptable manner then don't invite her.

Lots of long and helpful replies here to take note of op.

My shorter version is that you sound batshit and need to change drastically before you ruin your child’s life.

You've entirely missed the point of what a home is for.

It's for living in. Not for displaying stuff you've bought.

A glass table with a toddler is downright stupid.

Oh OP. I've just read your previous thread and can see you're really not coping (understandably - your DS is a difficult baby and your partner is an abusive shit). Please get some help - you deserve it.

For goodness sake just buy a fire guard. And move the glass coffee table into another room. You can’t expect a 2 and 4 year old to spend their Christmas stuck in a play pen.
My children love Christmas and other family events because they get to spend time running around playing all sorts of fun games together.
Think of your son and his relationship with his cousins. My cousins are some of my closest friends and it is the same for my children. You clearly don’t like your sister in law or how they parent but I really think it is worth compromising so that your son can develop a relationship with his cousins and learn some social skills.