Worried I’ll spend Xmas stopping kids from wrecking the joint

[SpikyCactus]

DP and I are hosting Xmas dinner this year. We previously lived in a tiny rented flat so have never hosted, but we bought our first home recently and have ordered new furniture. Chuffed that it will be lovely for Xmas, we texted photos of what we picked to our family.

SIL has replied “will the kids even be allowed to come in lol? You know they’re boisterous and will bash toys off the furniture”. I said they won’t be allowed to do that in my home but my DS has a big padded mat that he plays on and I’ve also ordered an indoor tent so I can set up a nice play corner for the kids. SIL said “good luck, it’ll be a laugh watching you trying to make them play on the mat, they hate being restricted and will scream if you try to make them stay there”.

AIBU to be annoyed? My own DS is younger than his cousins but he plays on the mat no problem and understands that he isn’t permitted to hit the furniture. I’m now not looking forward to Xmas because I’m worried I’ll spend the whole time stopping the kids from wrecking the joint. We saved for a long time and can’t afford to replace damaged furniture. I can foresee me kicking off because the kids whack my new table and it’ll end in a huge argument.

For the sake of your child you really need to unclench. It's his home too. You can't discipline such small children into perfect obedience and if you try, you will both be miserable.

Come onnnnn.. this thread can't be real?
Seriously op?
If I was your SIL I would already be finding ways to decline your (under duress) invitation!!
Jesus it'll be Christmas ffs. I could think of nothing more miserable than being in your house. Your poor poor son!
Come back when he's hit the terrible 2's x

OP it is completely reasonable to feed people at the table it isn't reasonable or safe to invite small dc to your house and not make fires safe, ask family or friends to help you, they may well have fire guards you can borrow. They may also have safety plugs for unused plugs, these are really just basics.

I have made the fire safe. I’ve provided a fenced off area away from the fire. I can’t force SIL to use it for her DC though.

Op in the nicest possible way your house comes across as a child protection concern. Do you have a health visitor? I’m pretty sure they look quite dimly on parents who refuse to use socket covers and insist on having furniture (like delicate glass coffee tables) that isn’t child safe. I just think that your expectations are way off. And that’s not unusual with a first baby, but you really need to think about it. Maybe read up on child development, or look at the advice out there on child proofing your home.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer there’s actually been a lot of publicity around socket covers being unsafe. I have never used them and no HV has ever been concerned. Agree that there does need to be some degree of child proofing though.

Op it’s so sad that messy play is limited to a play group at a leisure centre. It’s your dcs home too.

Being so rigid about rules is going to make parenthood unbelievably stressful for you.

I’m convinced that sil is taking the piss now. I think she’s hoping you’ll ban them and come out the injured party.

Putting them in a playpen doesn't make the fire safe

Get a fire guard. They're children, not newborns. They tend to, you know, move around!! Like humans do.

Jeezus.

OP the only solution here really is for them not to come. You’re already pissed off about it (in September) and it’s going to be miserable for everyone. You obviously have completely different ideas on parenting (most of us sit somewhere in the middle), and your uptightness combined with her ‘kids will be kids’ attitude is a recipe for disaster. Don’t put yourselves through it.

You've admitted that you don't want them to come at all. Do you not think that you are being purposely stubborn and unwelcoming in the hopes that they will change their mind?

@soydora That’s interesting, mine are older now, so guessing advice has changed.

I just knew your child would be under one reading the OP, you are in for a shock 😂😂😂

It’s ok to say no to hosting Christmas OP.
Leaving aside everything else, what I’m hearing is that your MIL and SIL are demanding you “take your turn” at hosting. There’s something a little bit off in that dynamic. And your DH agrees.
Where is the space for you in all of this?

Do you have family of your own? When do they fit in?

I like hosting Christmas, but I wouldn’t expect everyone to, or try and make someone take it on if they didn’t want to.

It all sounds a bit lonely tbh with your mil, sil and dh ganging up.

Ye gods.

The more you post OP, the more it's apparent that you have a real problem. Poor DS. Unless you relax, as he grows up, you're just going to battle against a child exploring it's boundaries, and that's going to be a really unhappy time for everyone.

Christmas day under your regime sounds utterly miserable. Honestly. Uninvite her, for her and her DC sake.

I also didn't know socket advice had changed and stand corrected on that. But OP a play pen cannot be used for a four year old and is not a replacement for a fire guard.
You do need to take responsibility to keep dc safe in your home and it is horribly quick and easy for a serious accident to occur around a fire. It isn't okay to expect parental supervision to replace a fire guard.

That level of control is worrying

I think you are both unreasonable. She can’t allow her kids to bash people’s furniture and trample their stuff. But you can’t expect 2 kids to spend the whole of Christmas Day sat on a mat.

I don’t let my kids rampage as much as other people let theirs but sitting on a mat is too much.

What about some more sensible rules? No food/pens on seats, no hitting people or things and lots of plans to get out and about on Xmas day?

Etino 😂😂😂

You have a lounge and a front room. Why not move stuff around for Xmas day and put all the precious stuff in the front room and not use that room?

We all cherish beautiful things OP and generally love to make our houses nice, but they can't be 100% pristine show homes when children are in the picture.

You don't sound at all empathetic or sympathetic to even your own child. You're going to 'allow' him to paint and craft at the kitchen table when he's older? He's not allowed to pull himself up at the coffee table?

Where is the fun and joy in getting messy with potato prints? Where are the games about standing up and falling down and walking and crawling?

You need to 'allow' him to be a child OP, otherwise your life together is going to be pretty miserable. I'm beginning to a) worry about you and b) wonder if this is a real post...

Don’t host op for everyone’s sake. Don’t ruin Christmas for a 4 year old with your quite frankly deranged attitude.

I had to say I've known a couple of people like this in RL and it's terrifying. Huge amounts of anxiety for all concerned.

OP.
I think you need a bit more flexibility but not as much as a free for all.

You need a whole room which is basically child friendly - where a child can move around and play without you being terrified of them damaging stuff.

When my DDs arrived, DH was worried about stuff getting damaged but some basic rules (no throwing toys, food at table, pens at table etc) has meant that our house has survived pretty much intact.

It is totally unrealistic to expect a 4 and 2 year old to play only on a mat, especially at Christmas. You need a better strategy.

A 4 year old is a school aged child. In a play pen. 🤣

I don’t think the in laws/DH are ganging up on OP. Just trying to make her aware that her expectations are —extremely— a little unrealistic.

How do you plan to keep the baby on the mat once he is mobile? Because you are the parent, he will just stay there? Bless.

Meals get served at the table in my house too. Doesn’t mean that a child just meekly sits there ‘because I said so’ once they are no longer held in place by a 5 point harness.

Honestly, you are setting yourself up for the most incredibly stressful experience of parenting to think that you can just state ‘I’m the parent’ and expect everything to go your way. Children grow, they push boundaries, they develop free will. The teenage years are going to be hell both for you and the teen if you expect docile acceptance of your total authority.

**They may also have safety plugs for unused plugs, these are really just basics.
**
Don’t use socket covers they are dangerous.