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Christmas

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Original poster

Worried I’ll spend Xmas stopping kids from wrecking the joint

175 replies

SpikyCactus · 27/09/2018 23:39

DP and I are hosting Xmas dinner this year. We previously lived in a tiny rented flat so have never hosted, but we bought our first home recently and have ordered new furniture. Chuffed that it will be lovely for Xmas, we texted photos of what we picked to our family.

SIL has replied “will the kids even be allowed to come in lol? You know they’re boisterous and will bash toys off the furniture”. I said they won’t be allowed to do that in my home but my DS has a big padded mat that he plays on and I’ve also ordered an indoor tent so I can set up a nice play corner for the kids. SIL said “good luck, it’ll be a laugh watching you trying to make them play on the mat, they hate being restricted and will scream if you try to make them stay there”.

AIBU to be annoyed? My own DS is younger than his cousins but he plays on the mat no problem and understands that he isn’t permitted to hit the furniture. I’m now not looking forward to Xmas because I’m worried I’ll spend the whole time stopping the kids from wrecking the joint. We saved for a long time and can’t afford to replace damaged furniture. I can foresee me kicking off because the kids whack my new table and it’ll end in a huge argument.

OP posts:

LyraBelaqua · 28/09/2018 13:35

I have a relative who has similar views to you. Even the grown ups have to sit at the table to drink a drink at their house. I understand you want to keep your new stuff nice and tidy so my suggestion would be to cancel Christmas at your house for a few years until your new stuff is not so new. Otherwise there are going to be arguments, which are upsetting for all and will ruin Christmas.

SillySallySingsSongs · 28/09/2018 13:35

When he is older your whole world is going to explode. Either that or you will raise a sad and lonely child who is afraid to be their own self in their own home.

I agree.

megletthesecond · 28/09/2018 13:36

Children don't stay sat on mats or in play areas. Good luck with that!

Sparklyfee · 28/09/2018 13:36

@ApolloandDaphne couldn't agree more. I feel so sorry for him.

OP you are putting such high expectations on your child. And you're buying deliberately tricky and unsafe items. You are setting him up to fail

SoyDora · 28/09/2018 13:36

Apologies, I thought it was a dining table rather than a coffee table.

SoyDora · 28/09/2018 13:37

There was no need to be so snippy in your reply though... ‘like a normal child’. I was just asking a question.

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 28/09/2018 13:41

You and SIL both way over the top.

Do you need to be bitching at each other in September about Christmas Day?

If you're going to invite family, you need to actually welcome them, and not act as if their existence is your inconvenience. Sounds to me like you have a giant stick up your arse and your SIL is reacting against that.

I mean, your kid isn't allowed to use your furniture to pull himself up? Doesn't sound like a relaxed household for a kid.

SoyDora · 28/09/2018 13:41

We got rid of our coffee table. DD’s (4 and 3) love playing ‘dance shows’ and there wasn’t enough floor space with a coffee table in the middle. Not because our life revolves around them, but because it was hindering them doing something they really enjoyed. I find the more floor space the better with young children. We have a playroom but they still like to come and show us their dance shows in the living room!

Original poster

SpikyCactus · 28/09/2018 13:42

It’s an extremely large playpen and he plays outside of it if he’s being supervised. He isn’t allowed in the front lounge at all because it isn’t child friendly, but he plays in the living room and kitchen. When he’s big enough to safely negotiate stairs and not put himself in danger then he’ll be allowed to play anywhere.

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 28/09/2018 13:44

Spikycactus. I have done that thing that some on here don't like and have looked at some of your other posts. I am now a bit concerned for you and your child. You don't take him out to socialise, you are very fearful about things like contaminated baby changing areas and you are worried and stressed about your child's development. On top of this you have now created a show home which you don't want ruined by children.

I think you need to try and relax a bit more. Let your DS be more involved in your day to day life. Let him crawl about and explore. This will help his development no end. Try to get out and about with him. Baby groups are not for everyone but take him to the park, look at the ducks, take him into shops and cafes. Introduce him to the social world bit by bit. Maybe find a low key grouped that does singing or something (out of touch now as my DDs are grown up now).

I don't think hosting Christmas this year is going to work for you. Tell them you are not doing it and have a quiet first Christmas at home with your DS and DH.

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 28/09/2018 13:44

I always find the naivety and self congratulatory tone of parents of first babies rather sweet and amusing.

Just because a baby stays on a mat does not mean he will by the age of 2. And just because he sits in a high chair at under 1, does not mean he will always be so compliant.

Sparklyfee · 28/09/2018 13:46

And how old will that be? My DS6 can safely negotiate stairs but he slipped down them a few days ago, he could easily be seriously injured if he was playing next to a glass table.

You've not answered the question as to whether you were planning to put SILs dcs in the playpen to play on the mat?

Original poster

SpikyCactus · 28/09/2018 13:46

Even the grown ups have to sit at the table to drink a drink at their house
I’m not quite that bad. Drinks are allowed on the coffee table if you use a coaster. Everyone eats at the table though, adults included.

OP posts:

Tootyfilou · 28/09/2018 13:46

You obviously hold material possessions in higher regard than you do family, including your baby son. Not a recipe for a happy life for you and I actually pity your baby.

blueskiesandforests · 28/09/2018 13:47

Your front lounge isn't child friendly. Your child friendly room contains dangerous furniture...

Not encouraging children to explore their environment holds development back.

Can your child pull himself to standing? Where does he have the chance to practice?

Where does he do messy play? Where does he explore a range of textures?

Hopefully he's at full time nursery or childminder's where he isn't confined to a playpen and his bedroom.

pumkinspicetime · 28/09/2018 13:51

I agree with previous posters that you need to do some child proofing before your sil's family visit. I have an adult zone and a dc zone in my house but I am currently in the US so have space for this. I would put the glass table away, most dc are allowed to touch coffee tables so family are likely to do this. I would get throws for all soft furnishings and protect vulnerable furniture legs by blocking them off, maybe with boxes or cushions or similar. It won't look pretty but everyone will be able to relax and enjoy each other's company so it is worth doing.

Original poster

SpikyCactus · 28/09/2018 13:54

Just because a baby stays on a mat does not mean he will by the age of 2. And just because he sits in a high chair at under 1, does not mean he will always be so compliant.
I’m the parent. I set the rules. The child doesn’t get to say what he “will” do. Food gets served at the table, end of.

I don’t expect SIL to put her DC in the playpen if she’s supervising them. If she wants to leave them unsupervised then it would be a safe place to put them. I have no intention of fencing off every single fire, table and electric socket.

OP posts:

Sparklyfee · 28/09/2018 13:56

You'd put a 4 year old in a playpen

He will just climb out

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 28/09/2018 13:57

@SpikyCactus you're beginning to sound genuinely terrifying. How many years is your child quarantined to the mat? Your expectations of a child developing and maturing are way off.

Oh sorry, I forgot. He is allowed to 'play freely' in one room of the house. Silly me.

SoyDora · 28/09/2018 13:57

My 4 year old would look at me like I was insane if I tried to put her in a playpen

ApolloandDaphne · 28/09/2018 13:58

OP I was trying to be kind to you but you are not listening. Yes you can set rules and boundaries as a parent but you also need to give your child space as he grows and he won't always want to do what you want or expect.

It is very different supervising children of 2 and 4 than it is supervising a baby. You cannot hover over them all the time. It just isn't possible.

Original poster

SpikyCactus · 28/09/2018 13:59

Can your child pull himself to standing? Where does he do messy play?
DS pulls up on the sofa as it’s soft and safe. He goes to messy play group at the leisure centre. When he’s bigger he’ll be allowed to paint or craft at the kitchen table.

OP posts:

blueskiesandforests · 28/09/2018 13:59

Spikey a play pen is not a safe place to put a 4 year old because, if they really are "ferral" as you say, they'll climb out, possibly using your baby as a step ...

The idea of putting a 4 year old in a playpen is ridiculous and deluded, as are your expectations that your child can grow up emotionally secure and developmentally on track within your incredibly narrow restrictions by sheer force of your will.

Sparklyfee · 28/09/2018 13:59

Soydora

Mine too. He's forever telling me he's "not a baby"

blueskiesandforests · 28/09/2018 14:02

The messy play group is good though. Pulling up on the sofa is something but it's so very, very limited.

Living your life ruled by the requirements of inappropriate furniture sounds so grim

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