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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Poncetastic Christmas 2018

437 replies

VivaJen · 25/09/2018 11:31

I know we have the "Any Ponces Around?" thread but in honour of Fellatio Nelson here is the 2018 Poncetastic Thread.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

OP posts:
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AmIAWeed · 08/10/2018 07:48

MessyMoo I do get a few odd bugs when wreath making but nothing major, I collect ewe, ivy and holly from a local church yard. I shove everything in a big plastic trug, bring it home and start work in the dining room. There's usually a few of us making, last year 5 and the room was an absolute bombsite after!
I tend to treat the clean up like a military operation, Newspaper on the floor gets scooped up, Daughter takes out all the leftovers and cuttings to out in the garden bin, I wipe down and hoover straight away then send someone to pour more mulled wine - that way if there are bugs they aren't there for long!
I'd say any more than 5 people and it would be worth hiring the parish rooms for an hour or two - but that's mainly due to lack of space ;)

Bloodybridget · 08/10/2018 13:41

Just in case anyone else is planning to do a wooden Advent calendar, after many searches I found this blank one from Hobbycraft last night - oddly enough it was "out of stock" at 2 am but available again by 8.30 today! Just a way of gathering email addresses?? It's much cheaper than most.

sproutsplease · 08/10/2018 13:56

Mincemeat jarred up.
Debating if I can face making a cake. Usually MIL makes them as she likes baking them but we aren't seeing her this year or my DB who is the other person who makes them. I may have to women up and give them a go. I am not a huge fan of either of the ovens in our current rented house but hopefully I can mange.

FeedingFrenzy5 · 08/10/2018 14:21

Have been lurking on this thread for a while and loving it! I was in the craft shop the other day and spotted some large origami paper in beautiful pastel shades (think icey blues and grays), will be great for those snowflakes. Thanks to pp (sorry can't remember who it was...) for suggesting origami paper! Just ordered Xmas nigella and Xmas Delia from the library. Also considering mincemeat but I've got a few supply issues as like pp I'm overseas!

wink1970 · 08/10/2018 16:08

Newbie Poncer here! I have found my people!

I'm just starting, but:

I have been growing a holly bush for the last 2 years; i think I have enough for the fireplace, so am off pine cone-hunting this weekend. I shall douse them in cinnamon & orange oil and leave them drying in the garden shed.

I have started my home-infused oils, which go to family as a 'stocking filler'.

I have chosen my colour theme, which will be burnt orange colours and 'rustic' decorations

@Alanamackree you could try getting some safety glass cut to the size of your table. Put table sprinkles and decorations under the glass & sit on top. I did this on my dining sideboard last year (I even put string lights under, the glass on spacers so they didn't squash); it was lovely, though maybe a table would be harder.

HairsprayBabe · 09/10/2018 09:10

Need to take a photo but I am also block printing scarves for the ladies in the family.

Have done a dark pink with silver and blue snowflakes and a grey with chickens and flowers so far.

They take about an hour each as the scarves are so bloody big but they look fab!

butcherswife · 09/10/2018 10:13

This thread is amazing!

I have already started making a note of what to make for my homemade hamper;

Rhubarb Gin
Lavender bath oil
Hokey Pokey (Nigella Recipe)
Chocolate & Pistachio Fudge (Nigella)
Bath bombs / Candle melts / Hand soap (will be buying these from a friend)
Bacon Jam
I also love the idea of maple and bacon popcorn recipe a PP mentioned!

My decor is quite scandi/contemporary white company wannabe ; think nordic stars, pine cone garland, fairy lights around the stairs, a mixture of golds, greys and white on my tree. This year I need a wicker christmas tree skirt.

I really wanted to do Christmas day at our house but there are 15 of us and I don't have the space so we are going to a family members. I am cooking all the meat: turkey crown, rib of beef and a gammon joint. I am also going to make some canapes to take with us.

Myself and DP will have something poncy for breakfast - probably Avocado on sourdough toast with crispy bacon and poached egg with a bottle of something fizzy to wash it down with.

I am so bloody excited Star Star

KingLooieCatz · 09/10/2018 10:44

I have only just turned my mind to Christmas tree skirts and I'm at risk underponcing in this area.

Old Faithful (the artificial tree we got half price from Poundstretchers about 10 years ago) will probably go up on a table to add height and disguise a large item that has no home and can't be got rid of in time. So I could do with a mega skirt for the lot. I was thinking of buying fabric by the metre in a seasonal print. Am I missing a poncing opportunity here?

Also, just realised we will have Christmas Day 2.0 on Boxing Day as DH is at work on the Big Day, hopefully joining us in time for the meal. So we get the day itself hopefully with my parents and my brother's brood, and a cosier day Boxing Day just for us. Although the extended family gang are often seen on Boxing Day, but possibly not till 3pm so plenty of time for staying in PJs.

Point is - tree skirts!

butcherswife · 09/10/2018 12:16

king Glad tree skirt is taking priority! Personally i'm not into fabric but if you need to hide something then a fabric skirt would be a very good idea. Dunelm will probably have lots of lovely fabrics, they also have a nice wicker for £14.00 which i have my poncy eye on Wink

Alanamackree · 09/10/2018 16:34

I’m feeling uneasy now that my breakfast isn’t poncey enough

Toadsrevisited · 09/10/2018 18:52

Can I get excited about the Booths Christmas book here? It's out in ten days but no one in my real life is interested...

TheWoollybacksWife · 09/10/2018 18:55

My SIL is visiting me in a couple of weeks and she is bringing my Booths book. It is a thing of beauty.

Toadsrevisited · 09/10/2018 19:20

You can order it by post! www.booths.co.uk/request-christmas-book/

NoWordForFluffy · 09/10/2018 22:25

I'm going to Booths with some friends on 19 October to get the book! I can't wait!

butcherswife · 10/10/2018 09:08

Alana I am going full on poncey this year - DP's brother was staying with us last Christmas and I had visions of a lovely smoked salmon and scrambled egg breakfast with fizz. Ended up with a Full English and Peroni - as much as I enjoy both a Full English and a Peroni, it was not suited to Christmas day morning.

Toads we love the Booths Christmas book, I work with Family and we would pass it around the office for one another to look at like the holy grail

butcherswife · 10/10/2018 09:11

Also woke up at 5am worrying re my homemade Rhubarb gin that I am yet to make. Going to have to go back to the drawing board with this one as I forgot Rhubarb is no longer in season Shock

If anyone has any seasonal recipes for home made gin, please share!

Toadsrevisited · 10/10/2018 10:16

Sloes still in season butchers for gin?
1/3 each sloes, cheap gin, sugar. Shake daily. Strain in a month. Drink in twelve months.

BiddyPop · 10/10/2018 11:53

ButchersWife I have a couple of metres of a nice sparkly red and green tartan with gold shot through it that I use some years - I have never got as far as actually hemming it or getting it into a proper tree skirt shape at all - I literally just drape it, and add a few (hidden) pins if needed some years to hold the shape. That may work well, if you get enough fabric, and you can then use it another time to actually make something if the "thing under the tree" will be gone before next Christmas so you won't need that long a tree skirt in future.

Seasonal gins?

Well, sloe gin is pick berries, wash, freeze to allow skins burst (or skip that step if feeling lazy), throw into a large kilner jar with a good helping of sugar, cover in cheap gin (Lidl's version or Sainsbury's basics both work well), shake daily for a few days to allow sugar to dissolve, then ignore for at least 6 weeks. Shake on occasion helps. Taste after maybe 3-4 weeks, and add more sugar if necessary. When ready to bottle, pour gin into large jug/bowl through sieve, capturing berries. Then pour into naice bottles (clean, preferably sterilized but with alcohol that's less important than jams/chutnies or mincemeat), cover, label. Present with a smile.

Raspberry or rhubarb are similar (I chop the rhubarb up into chunks, and sometimes add some diced ginger to that which is nice). I keep meaning to try blackberry.

Limoncello is similar as well but the peels (very thinly peeled using veg peeler to just get zest and not the pith) of 15 lemons to 1 bottle of vodka. The recipe I have calls for the sugar to be dissolved into a sugar syrup in hot water, cooled and added at day 40 - I prefer to just throw in spoonfuls of sugar on day 1 (and do the shaking trick above daily until dissolved) and also add the juice of the lemons as the extra liquid rather than water. After 80 days (roughly!), sieve through muslin or a coffee filter to capture the lemon juice bits and zest, and bottle. Serve well chilled, with some lemonade is nice as a long drink, or neat as a short to sip after dinner (like an amaretti or port).

I tested my sloe gins last night as it happens (I was looking at my drink cupboards and wondering about getting some more when down "home" soon - as time is very short this year). 2015 is perfect (about 2 glasses left), but 2017 is quite bitter, so I will pop that whole batch back in my kilner jar instead with the extra sugar needed, for an extra few weeks. I have a small amount of a previous batch (maybe 2013) but that one is quite sediment at the bottom, so I think I will have to try and strain it through a coffee filter again.

I am thinking about getting out our "Old Faithful" again this year (IR£20 in Penneys/Primark, 19 years ago!) - putting it in the playroom and having a more eclectic/bright theme in there, and a proper traditional red/green/natural theme in the sitting room on the naice Balsam Hill tree we got last year. I certainly have enough decorations to do 2!

I may be shot for having paper napkins on the Poncetastic board, but I bought mine yesterday, as I saw some lovely ones on a business trip! They are dark blue, with a lovely festive pattern, and will match my Denby Imperial Blue ware really nicely. So that decides the Christmas table - the red and gold chargers will be used another year. And I can find dark blue dinner candles relatively easily if I look early enough, or plain white or silver if I leave it too late.

I'm almost finished the poncetastic gifts list - I am going to acknowledge I probably won't get enough time to sew my list, so will buy for DCs (various DNieces and DNephews), and sew next year for them. But the knitting for adult DSiblings (mine and DH's) and their various DHs/DWs/DPs is on track and should be finished on time.

Less than 11 weeks, but all is looking on track at present.

BiddyPop · 10/10/2018 11:59

Sproutsplease I am finally contemplating "womanning up" on the Christmas cake front as well. I know DM has made a Christmas pudding for us (as almost always!). But I am the only one who eats Christmas cake, and DMIL doesn't make any for herself anymore (she used to make one for me as well), so I am thinking about trying it out. If I do manage it, I will probably end up making one for DMIL as well, and sending it to her in advance.

The key, as I understand it, is to soak the fruit for at least 24 hours in advance. At least in well-brewed tea, but preferably something stronger like whiskey, brandy, or something nicely fruity and alcoholic. I may do one in tea (for DMIL - now teetotal) and one in something a little stronger for me (definitely not teetotal!).

HEIGhtstiAeR · 10/10/2018 18:15

I started knitting my daughters Christmas stocking yesterday - her first Christmas gift, and one that will last a lifetime I hope! It's not going very well (the floats on my colourwork are too tight) so I'm going to have to unravel and start again, but ho hum. I've got time.

My plum chutney has come out wonderfully, and my blackberry booze is coming along nicely.

My husband intended to take a tray of biscotti to work with him, but recently decided that fudge might be a bit more their speed. Last year I did Irish cream and gingerbread flavoured fudges and they came out very well, but to be honest I'm not sure I can face trying to make fudge with a baby... maybe I can convince my husband to take in Christmas cookies instead. Cranberry and orange cookies are seasonally appropriate, and I can make/freeze the dough in advance.

timeisnotaline · 10/10/2018 22:26

HEIGhtstiAeR. Can you share any links or patterns re knitting a stocking?i assume really thick wool! I love that idea.
Kudos to you for doing biscuits if any kind for husbands work with a baby! I don’t expect I will!

FeedingFrenzy5 · 11/10/2018 05:06

Has anyone tried Nigella's mincemeat recipe? I'm trying to decide between hers and the Delia one posted up-thread.

Trumpton · 11/10/2018 08:47

HEIGhtstiAeR
I have a couple of tips about your stocking ...
First make two ! Unkind I know but you stuff one at your leisure and then swop for the empty one late at night . Saves the midnight creeping around and less chance of dc waking !
Secondly you might need to make a simple stretch lining from an old t shirt or similar or the gifts can get caught on the floats which is frustrating .
Here ended tips from a granny !

HEIGhtstiAeR · 11/10/2018 09:13

@timeisnotaline I'm using this pattern, though there are lots of lovely ones on Ravelry. I'm lazy, so I like things with chunky wool as they knit up so fast!

@Trumpton Thank you for the tips! I hadn't thought about lining, though of course you're right about the floats catching.

AlwaysPottering · 11/10/2018 20:44

Bloodybriget The Works have those wooden advent calendar at 2 for £20. They also had lots of other plain wooden decorations which would be goood for poncing!
I dried out a full bin liner full of pine cones in the oven today the house smells very earthy!
Have got roped into Christmas wreath night at local hall. Prob for around 30 people. Have loads of pinecones & cut lots of hydrangea heads which will spray gold or silver.
Trying to keep cost down by using stuff available locally. Anyone any other foliage suggestions apart from trad ivy/holly etc?