Poncetastic Christmas 2018

[VivaJen]

I know we have the "Any Ponces Around?" thread but in honour of Fellatio Nelson here is the 2018 Poncetastic Thread.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

You can buy quinces in Booths, if you are up for North...

The US has Christmas all wrong I tell you, all wrong.

starryeyedsnowgirl - wrt Pinterest:
Some Christmas crafts along with ideas for other festive occasions.

A few practical ideas amongst the poncery here.

@Trumpton intriguing idea!

I’m thinking that you could use one of those circular peg things people use to hang socks/undies on a line but spray paint it with a metallic spray and then add some accent colours with a brush. You might need a primer to spray the plastic first.

Or you could use embroidery hoops (or a small hula hoop) and glue on small craft pegs. And either spray silver/gold/copper or go for a natural wood look. These could be held together mobile-style with string, or with thin sticks (like a wooden skewer or fine dowel). You could create it around a small lampshade if you were using an actual light fitting.

Personally I’d make the base of the chandelier a feature by itself so that it doesn’t look ugly once the crackers have been pulled off (when I’m too stuffed and tipsy to get out a ladder and take it down) so I’d probably hot glue baubles to the rings and twist fairy lights through (is there such a thing as remote controlled battery operated fairy lights?)

Alanamackree
You absolute star . Now I can see how it will work . Yes to remote control fairy lights ! Baubles I can do by the million ! ( exaggerates )
I promise to post picture when it’s done .

And I have willow so could make a willow wreath and glue pegs to it or just use fine thread and let the the children snap the thread . Wonky chandelier anyone .
Would it be a step too far to number them and make the children pull them off in the right order to keep it balanced ?

I may be a little late to the chat, but my Christmas cake is in the oven as we speak, the fruit has been soaked in brandy for the last week (and a tiny bit of whisky and sherry that was in a bottle and needed using up)

Last night we went to an 'opening' of Christmas decorations at a garden centre and I got us all matching Christmas socks, only to realise the in laws are coming and I didn't get them any.
In 7 years together it's the first time they are coming to us, I am SO excited. Their room will have Christmas duvets, I'll be doing them a stocking each.
We have some friends coming in the evening as well so I can prep and ponce away and for the first time ever I can make EVERY Christmas pudding as opposed to limiting myself because there's only 4 of us!

Shamelessly place marking ready to start poncing at the weekend!

To be fair I have realised US comment was harsh and born out of supply difficultly frustrations, the weather in the Midwest was perfect Xmas weather last year and the DC were so excited when it snowed.
We have a favourite dsis and her family coming over so thanks for the reminder I will need four more stockings.

Pumpkinspicetime - you can easily get Allspice in the US. No need to substitute.

Do you mean Mixed Spice? This blend is unheard of. Many American recipes tell you to substitute Allspice for Mixed Spice, but it's absolutely not the same thing at all. 'Pumpkin spice' mix will do in a pinch for Mixed Spice, but it's a very pale imitation.

If you want to have a stab at your own house blend, here is a recipe:

www.thespruceeats.com/mixed-spice-in-british-food-435418
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 tablespoon ground nutmeg
2 teaspoons ground mace
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 tablespoon ground allspice

I think the allspice there would make it quite unpleasant, and I suspect a whole teaspoon of cloves would be way too much.

I use Goodall's Mixed Spice that my mum sends from Dublin.
The ingredients listed are, in order:
Cinnamon
Coriander
Cloves
Ground Fennel seed
Ground ginger
Ground bay leaves

In her last batch she included some Schwartz Mixed Spice, and the ingredients for that are:
Cinnamon
Coriander
Caraway
Nutmeg
Ginger
Cloves

So clearly there are significant variations.

I really like the Goodall's blend.

Ha ha @mathanxiety - are they your boards? I was already following both of them! They are great.

Anyone else have any Pinterest boards to follow? There were a few nice ones last year which I'm sure I'm still following.

Seeking advice on how I may ponce a bottle of vanilla Smirnoff vodka I just found in the cupboard. Can anyone who has tried the flavoured spirits suggest what might go with it?

Werthers vodka is good and should tolerate the vanilla well.

We attach stuff to ceiling with cello tape obviously nothing to heavy usually needs a cross of cello tape.
We also hang lighter stuff off lights.

Mincemeat resting for it's 12 hours, there is a lot of it. I may have a jar emergency on my hands. I also failed to note I wasn't to add the brandy and did so, I am thinking I will maybe just add more at the end. Apart from that perfect!

I start a new job on Monday that should increase my spare time truly vastly. I am planning to continue last year's homemade decorations this year, as I'd like to make them more prominent - only did a few last year.

Ah what an inspiring (and daunting) thread! I do some very modest poncing every year, always a wreath for the front door. Last year I made an Advent calendar for 13yo DGS, using one of those wooden house things, which went down very well, so I need to refill that for him and I also want to do one each for the 7yo DGD and 3yo DGS. That is a lot of tiny things to find!

To those who make their own door wreaths/use outdoor greenery for garlands etc - how do you prevent creepy crawlies coming into the house with the foliage? Wash it? Leave it outside for a bit? Every year I want to make my own using ivy and holly from the garden but the bugs put me off.

well MessyMoo my wreath goes on the outside of the front door; I don't worry about insects getting into the house while I'm making it. What bugs are likely to be on your holly and ivy by December? Nothing too worrying, I should think? You could cast an eye over to make sure there aren't slugs or snails.

That's good to hear Bridget. I'm not particularly bothered by bugs I just don't want to accidentally bring in a spider nest or something! Probably me just using it as an excuse as to why I never get round to making them

we have a quince shrub thingy in the garden and it is an agressive spiky bastard. I take great delight in chopping bits of it to stop it spreading. I chuck the fruit on the rubbish heap!

Only poncing this year has been bramble vodka and pink grapefruit gin.
I will make the cake over the next week or two.
Has anyone got a good "fudge in the slow cooker " recipe?

Seaglass snowman anyone? Still to add a ribbon for hanging. Supposed to be for tree however they look really nice on the window so now thinking about suckers...

How did you make that Groovester? Is it superglue?

Hot glue gun xx

I've just booked onto a Hobbycraft wreath-making course on 8 December. I'm not confident / arty enough to go it alone!