Poncetastic Christmas 2018

[VivaJen]

I know we have the "Any Ponces Around?" thread but in honour of Fellatio Nelson here is the 2018 Poncetastic Thread.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

Ah @HairsprayBabe I have been awaiting your arrival- the ultimate Christmas poncer when it comes to home made food gifts and party ideas. I'm always amazed!

I can't remember who asked about Pinterest- it's pretty easy (and addictive) set up an account, name your first board and search things you might be interested in e.g. 'Christmas cakes'. When you find a page you like you 'pin' it to your board. You can have loads of different boards. Prepare to lose a few hours.

Also if you find someone with similar taste you can look at their whole board and might find several ideas on it you would like and can pin them all to your board. You can also follow people and as they pin new things it will pop up in your notifications. I ended up following quite a few people from here last year.

Here are my boards- feel free to lift anything of interest. I would love to see everyone else's boards too if you all post them here.

christmas

Christmas food

Christmas crafts

@Peridot1 last year I used Command hooks to hang 3 fairy light clusters but they did take a little bit of paint off the ceiling when we took them down (was easily fixed).

@NotTheMrMenAgain do you have any photos of the dog biscuit wreath. I had one Pinned for last year but never got around to making it. Love the idea of the Pompom collars!

@HairsprayBabe what's your Peppermint Bark recipe? (love your hamper lists - they always inspire me!)

The Christmas cross stitch looks awesome @NoWordForFluffy

VivaJen - I’ll stock up on Command hooks. Great idea thanks. No idea why I didn’t think of them already. I have some permanently on the dresser as I put lights up there every year.

PipersOrange - I’ve no idea how to link to my Pinterest boards but I do see a lot of the same stuff I’ve pinned coming up generally if I search for Christmas stuff. And yes be prepared to lose hours!

I'm a first time poncer! I'm so happy reading this thread my feet are swiveling like a baby in a highchair about to be fed.

Ds raised the poncing alert a couple of weeks when he said that people we visit decorate their houses more for Christmas, he'd like it if our home was more decorated. Basically we've gone about Christmas half assed and it's not good enough. Some of our decs I've had for over 20 years and they were out of the Woolworth's bargain bin in the first place, so not old in a well-loved rustic way, just a bit shit and cheap looking.

We've moved from a tiny house to a tenement flat with huge rooms and high ceilings and our decs just get lost - I need to hear about how to decorate a BIG room.

The martyrdom for me will come in encouraging DS to engage in Christmas craft. I'm dead excited about making decs with him but will weep with frustration once we get started. Bring on the martyrdom!

Kinglouie have you a colour scheme in mind? Or trad or modern?
these are a really easy way to make an impact in a room. They look more complicated than they are, especially after you make one or two it gets very easy.
I hung them down along the curtain poles last year

I'm such a poncing newbie I don't even have a colour scheme. I'd say more traditional than modern though.

I can't access the link right now, I'll check it out later.

Has anyone tried the Delia mincemeat recipe with sherry? I usually make it with dark rum but fancy a change this year but also don't want to ruin it!

OH MY GOD I THINK I'VE FOUND MY PEOPLE

OK. I have a kilo of sloes in my freezer, and have just started planning my menus, so I can calligraphy them.

@AlwaysPottering now you're talking! We're so doing that, potentially in white, silver and red. The theme is taking shape. I'll check out the other Christmas crafts from that blog as well nearer the time. DS loves a bit of paper folding and cutting so that's perfect. It might even halt the ever expanding army of paper Yodas that's currently taking over his bedroom.

Big thanks, you've got us off to a flying start.

I have decided to go with tartan, or plaid as it is called here in the US as it is easy to get and there is less focus on Xmas here than in the UK. The adult space to be blue/grey plaid and similar and the family space to be red/black. I have ordered throws, also practical because it is bloody freezing in winter time.
I am going to try and find what I need for mincemeat, thanks for the recipe.

@VivaJen thank you for introducing me to command hooks!

Love this thread!

Chilli jam made

@FenellaMaxwellsPony I love the idea of writing out the menus in calligraphy!

Which recipe, Viva?

I've done more cross stitch tonight. On the train to Manchester Airport! It's going to take a fair while to do I think!

I used this chilli jam recipe. Hadn’t made it in ages and I forgot how long it takes, but it looks like it was worth it.

Such is my dedication to command hooks I put them up in relatively concealed spots, eg tucked inside the fireplace for stockings, and they stay there ready for the next year!

My aunt, who is queen of the chutneys and jams, is doing plum and balsamic, green tomato and proper pickle this year. I tried to get my order in for extras, and she said she’s already had requests for 200 jars so I can have one of each and no more this year. I’m going to have to make some myself. I might give that chilli jam a go!

This is the one I do, Viva. It's amazing! Especially when made with our homegrown chillis.

I use nigellas chilli jelly recipe,
Chutney I just use ratios for fruit/veg:sugar:vinegar can't recall off the top of my head what I normally do though!
Fudge - I use the carnation recipe
Nuts - recipe based on www.thesundayglutton.com/smoky-sweet-barbecue-roasted-nuts/
Christmas morning jelly is made by mulling cranberry juice and then setting with pectin
pear and ginger jam www.waitrose.com/home/recipes/recipe_directory/g/pear-and-ginger-preserve.html untested currently
Peppermint bark is a three layer event, dark, milk mixed with crushed glacier mints, white to top and then sprinkled with crushed candy cane
Fruit and nut bark is similar, but the middle later is milk choc mixed with chopped nuts, mixed peel and dried fruits, raisins, cranberries and cherries.
vanilla vodka - large bottle of cheap vodka, brown sugar and a few vanilla pods
Lebkucken www.adashofginger.co.uk/2016/12/dark-chocolate-lebkuchen-german-biscuits.html untested
nut brittle- large bag of salted peanuts mixed with caramelised sugar and topped with dark chocolate

I end up eyeballing a lot of stuff!

No Christmas party for me this year, because we are having our engagement party in a few weeks and I don't have extra cash to splash on a second bash!

For those poncing on a budget, I found this in B&M bargains today, £2.99 and very pretty.

Be careful leaving command hooks up for extended periods of time. I’ve found that the tabs become brittle and can snap making them very difficult to remove. After trying to remove one with a tweezers while balancing on one foot on the top of a step ladder I’ve been careful to remove them after each use.

Hairspray Babe, that list sounds wonderful. What is the Christmas Morning jelly?

Apologies, have just seen the recipe a few posts up - will try that, sounds delicious, thank you