4 gift rule for xmas - anyone else?

[xhannahx]

This year will be dh and I first as a family of 3, DD will be 10 months old. We also have another baby on the way due in April.

We have spent a fair amount of time recently discussing our feelings towards gift giving at Christmas and birthdays.

Dh and I have been a couple for nearly 11 years, and have never bought each other gifts at Christmas or birthdays, neither of us feel them to be necessary, we just like to enjoy each other's company and will often plan a short trip, nice meal etc instead.

I would like our children to grow up valuing time with family and friends on special occasions, rather than viewing them as a time they are bombarded with gifts, and therefore we are thinking about adopting the 4 gift rule:
Something they want
Something they need
Something to wear
Something to read

I don't want to completely deprive them of gifts at Xmas, but find the excess a little obnoxious and it has never sat right with me.

My question is, has anyone else chosen this route? How has it worked out?

If you do do this, how do you deal with other family members? Do you ask for no gifts, 1 gift...really not sure how to approach the topic fairly for all parties but feel very strongly that Xmas should not be a time for excessive gift giving.

Thanks!

Exactly Elizabeth
If I do the 4 present thing it will still cost me a small fortune as her main present (what she wants) is £130, something to wear can cost quite a bit if it's shoes or designer hoodie. Also they get a stocking with a few surprises in so they still get a few things they didn't know they were going to get.

@elizabethshaw @lovemusic33 finally some common sense and sanity!

Why did you bother starting this thread? You are so stuck in your ideas and only listen to the people who think like you? Personally I couldn't care a fig what you buy your children or what you think of the amount I buy. I know my little boys face will light up on Christmas morning, I know I haven't bought for the sake of it or because of some weird poem or what people on MN say hence me not needing to start a thread where I'm still going to do the exact same bloody thing anyway

It's like an AIBU where 90% say YABU but OP still thinks she's found her people because a few say YANBU...

@fueledbyfairydustandgin I started the thread to specifically ask others who do the same thing how they have found it. Those who don't do it who have joined to tell me how wrong it is have done so of their own accord.

I didn't ask "should I do it", although as this is an open for I'm fully expected not everyone to agree.

I don't mind others not agreeing or doing it differently, it's just not the way we want to.

If it's not your thing, then there's no need to really comment, but hey ho

Ok I'll look forward to all the threads of I buy 12 gifts plus a stocking does anyone else do this? How do you find it? Threads. Or hopefully other people will just merrily get on with their choices or we could get a bit overwhelmed

I think it’s unreasonable to impose this rule on family and friends.

Fueled go on, I dare ya! :o

What if one of your DC ask for one v.expensive thing and the other asks for 10 cheap things that come to a lot less than the one big thing?
It just seems so rigid, one gift to share, one for family, etc. Some years you might see a few fantastic family/sharing gifts and get them all, other years none that are great and then you're buying for the sake of it as you always do 'one to share'.

Isn't it just better to be flexible and open to things changing each year, see what they ask for, etc.

This is obviously what you really want to do so do it while they are little and won't really know anyway but as they get older, see what they like and be open to change as they could really hate this idea!

@waxonfeckoff...yes it's just like that, except I didn't ask if I was unreasonable and then get angry when people said I was, I asked for the opinions of others who had done it.

Had some of the responses said, "yes we tried it and it didn't work" that would have been food for thought, yet funnily enough all of those who did do it found it to work very nicely and had some additional helpful suggestions.

I'm fully aware I'm in the minority and that's FINE. it seems to me to be the opposite, and those not in agreement just can't let it go. It's not for you, we get it.

We certainly don't find it joyless. It isn't a cheaper option by any means either.

DD1 this year is:

Want - fire station toy
Need - 16 inch frame bicycle
Wear - unicorn snuggle hoodie
Read - Folio edition of The Moomins

Stocking of bits & pieces from FC

Gift from FC - candle making kit is the current heart's desire

Plus gifts from both sets of grandparents, both sets of godparents, aunts and uncles as well from DD2.

My children give to each other using the poem too and really enjoy finding something that is just right for each other in each category. I like that a big focus is on giving gifts - the buying, the wrapping, the giving, etc. Right now that is what they are discussing with me - what am I going to give?

We are doing a similar thing - 3 kids who have everything already and I hate waste so want to rein it in a bit.

We are doing
Something to play (a game)
Something to make (crafts/lego etc)
Something to read
Something to wear
Something they want

I then fill everything else up with clothes, tickets to sports events, theatre, weekend away - all of which we would have bought anyway but it makes the xmas that bit more awe inspiring to have those extra things to unwrap.

I do it OP. Just do what feels right to you and your family.

I don't dictate to others, but if asked I suggest day trips/dance classes etc, and my 3 kids give to each other - low budget, often hand me down item or handmade - my 1yr old is getting her big sisters "old" doll, eldest is making an outfit for the doll.

We also acquire stuff via the charity shop and use it like a large storage facility -we donate to, and rummage for goodies maybe once a month. ( usually jigsaws, books, dress up) so it's not like they don't get stuff the rest of the year.

I actually feel a bit "lost" about the meaning of Christmas ( as a non-Christian) I love decorating the house with twinkly lights etc. And we don't have a large family gathering ( because we don't have a large family.) Maybe I'm just a grinch!

I actually feel a bit "lost" about the meaning of Christmas

Sorry to hear that. I think the biggest themes (Not the right word but can't think of any better atm! :p ) of Christmas are hope and love. 'Hope for mankind, peace on Earth, goodwill to all men.' I hope you find your Christmas mojo.

OP, I don't think it was clear up thread that your children will be getting additional presents from relatives. I think people thought (I did at first.) that they'd get 4 gifts and that was it. However you do it, I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Am I the only one who doesn't take into account family gifts? I never think to myself right don't buy any more because nanna/aunty so and so etc. will also be buying gifts.

I just concentrate on what they would like and MY loosely set budget.

Thing is there is no right or wrong when it comes to doing christmas. I've never liked the four gift rule, but that's just my opinion. I think it could be a good idea though for when the kids are much older/adults and no longer buying them lots.

I have to take account of family gifts - I have three children in an ordinary terraced house, if I buy each one 20 gifts and then we get another 10 from relatives every year we'd have to fond somewhere else to sleep.
I don't actually see what's wrong with a child getting 4 gifts, especially if they are nice ones like a bike, Lego/duplo, roller skates. Their Christmas lists are usually around 6 things, not sure I could come up with 10 or 20 nice presents for each child!
It probably helps that we don't have live TV so they don't see any toy adverts

I consider family gifts, they probably get 5 or 6 family gifts and some money.

I don't have the room for 20+ gifts. They have had christmas's where they have got loads but still only really played with their main gift, things have sat in boxes and never been touched. Now they are older I think 4 nice gifts plus a stocking is plenty. Things cost a lot more when they get older so it will still cost me a small fortune for 4 nice gifts.

I have decluttered my house, removed all broken and I played with toys, I don't want to replace it all with more tat. I'm loving the extra space.

Like you have said OP, use common sense as you go along. I think the 4 gift rhyme is a good guide if you're looking to rein in the number of gifts, and still want a good, useful mixture. And just amend it as you feel as each year comes. My husband can never think what to buy me, so we set a theme each year, which he finds really useful to focus his mind. So one year was a particular colour, one year was stripes, for example. It wasn't strict, but a guide, which helped him.

In terms of family, if anyone asks what to buy my dc, I give them ideas, but if they don't ask, I certainly don't tell them what to buy or any rules. I think the same applies here. If they ask, you can tell them you're trying to limit the amount of stuff they have, so can suggest tickets/experiences etc or something within that person's usual budget. But if they don't ask, I wouldn't dictate. During a general Christmas conversation, perhaps mention your plan and hint that you'd rather not have 50 new plastic toys in the house come Boxing Day.

We don't rigidly follow this, but like a few recent posters, we are not far from it, and our children are not deprived.

DS1(5)
Want:- toys dinosaurs
Need:- more age appropriate games
Read:- dinosaur reference books
Do:- kitchen science set
Wear:- personalised dinosaur T

We have also used this as a template when asking other people for gifts for him, making sure he gets a variety of things, but hopefully not to excess.

I honestly believe that if this is what works for your family then great, but I have a feeling things may change as your children get older.

I also don't think you can impose this rule on other family members. My mom would be heartbroken if I came along with rules for gifting her grandchildren. She gets so much personal joy out of it and at this stage in her life who am I to take away that pleasure of being a granny.

As parents you are well entitled to make and rules that work for you... but please reconsider other family members... please?

we dont make any requests of family members.....so its all very hit and miss - but truth be told mine would prefer to ask for cash or a voucher of their choice (they have SEN so play with specific things only)
sometimes they love the tat - so it stays, sometimes they say a polite thank you its lovely, and we regift or charity shop it once xmas is over and relatives gone home.

You read narnia to your 2yr old?!.... Doesn't it just go over her head?!

I like to shower the kids with gifts at christmas- 30 or so presents. I don't give them gifts through the year, so a lot of the stuff is needed.
I don't budget, I spend what I feel like.

Life is for living and christmas is an extension of that.

DD wants a coffee making machine, so that , lots of dance related stuff like ouch pouches, lambswool, some lighters etc.