4 gift rule for xmas - anyone else?

[xhannahx]

This year will be dh and I first as a family of 3, DD will be 10 months old. We also have another baby on the way due in April.

We have spent a fair amount of time recently discussing our feelings towards gift giving at Christmas and birthdays.

Dh and I have been a couple for nearly 11 years, and have never bought each other gifts at Christmas or birthdays, neither of us feel them to be necessary, we just like to enjoy each other's company and will often plan a short trip, nice meal etc instead.

I would like our children to grow up valuing time with family and friends on special occasions, rather than viewing them as a time they are bombarded with gifts, and therefore we are thinking about adopting the 4 gift rule:
Something they want
Something they need
Something to wear
Something to read

I don't want to completely deprive them of gifts at Xmas, but find the excess a little obnoxious and it has never sat right with me.

My question is, has anyone else chosen this route? How has it worked out?

If you do do this, how do you deal with other family members? Do you ask for no gifts, 1 gift...really not sure how to approach the topic fairly for all parties but feel very strongly that Xmas should not be a time for excessive gift giving.

Thanks!

I think it's a great idea!

However I'd also say allow friends and family to buy what they want, and have lots of small bits in a stocking from Santa.

That way you have the best of both worlds.

There is a vast middle ground to explore between 4 and 50 OP.

My DC have probably had most of their hearts desires satisfied over the years - we've definitely been into double digits, maybe even in the high teens (or more if you count stuff picked up in the shopping such as chocolate oranges and socks etc) but never in the region of 50.

Some of those hearts desires have been very modest, DS1 wanted a lamp one year! DS2 used to ask for surprises mostly.

@waxonfeckoff I agree there is a vast middle ground, I have had to use the example of 50 as most people on this thread seem to be taking things VERY literally.

I have also never said we were set in stone on this idea and weren't open to being flexible, however many have read 4 gifts and taken it from there.

I was asking for opinions, I didn't want just one side of the coin, I was open to everyones, however became defensive when forced to explain things which seemed obvious or lacking in common sense.

So, even being frugal in terms of amounts of gifts, in the lamp year he could have had:

The lamp
A big set of lego
A box set of books he would like
A darth vader dress up outfit
A board game to share with his brother
A pogo stick (I always like to get something to get them outdoors on Christmas)
and a stocking filled with small cars, sweets, funny socks and puzzles.

Not piles of tat, all things he'd love and not a rhyme in sight.

My Dc don't really get gifts from anyone else (sometimes cheques or money but those are meaningless to a small child) so we would have added to that with thinhgs such as PJs and some more toys and books and dvds maybe. If they are getting lots of gifts from others then around 5 or 6 things is not mean.

However I could aso have got him (following the rhyme)

Lamp (want)
New shoes (need)
New trousers (wear)
Dictionary (read)

Doesn't look quite so much a fun christmas morning now.

The lamp - need
A big set of lego - want
A box set of books he would like - read
A darth vader dress up outfit - wear
A board game to share with his brother
A pogo stick (I always like to get something to get them outdoors on Christmas)
and a stocking filled with small cars, sweets, funny socks and puzzles.

Sticks to the rhyme with one extra and one thing to be shared (I quite like the idea of a board game every Christmas actually!) and a stocking. Plus presumably stuff under the tree from friends and family.

Sounds perfect and exactly what OP is after!

Thank you @titchy, it all depends on the way you look at things, a little creativity can still make things fun and exciting imo, plus as my 2 will have a very small age gap 1 to share is definitely being thrown into the mix.

Do you do a stocking for your DC, OP? Or will it just be the rhyme gifts? Just curious.

@coffeechocolatewine...we most likely will do a stocking with a few small gifts. Something to keep them entertained before going downstairs. Stockings are very much a fun part of christmas, so they were certainly be having one.

That's sort of what I was saying. I hate the rhyme and the way it can be interpreted but there is nothing wrong with buying gifts from similar categories that are all things that your child would love. And if they get random gifts from others then even more reason to look at what they actually want and spread the variety rather than 10 sets of Lego.

The lamp was very much a want though . He told Santa that when we visited him caused a bit of confusion as Santa asked if it was a magic lamp with a genie and ds1 replied that no, it was one from the argos catalogue!

I am doing it this year, dc's are older though and don't need or want much, their main presents are costing £130 each, then they will get some clothes ( something to wear ), new bedding (something they need) and a book/box set. They will be getting stockings which will contain bath bombs and stationary.

I asked my dd1 'what are you looking forward too the most?' And she says 'food' , we don't have a huge family and will be spending Christmas on our own eating nice food .

We have a wide variety of board/family games now. We always play on Christmas day and as I posted before, we always play at least once a month and always take a few on holidays.

This is surprising good and engaging (but sometimes ends up in fights!)

www.johnlewis.com/big-potato-ok-play-game/p2757420

Teaching your children proper card games at as early an age as you can manage is a good idea too. Passes many a long wait at an airport or train journey or boring family event and a pack of cards is easy to pop in na handbag/backpack or pocket.

Scrabble is still a favourite although less fun since DS1 more or less memorised all the possible 2 letter words - he scored 40 odd the other week with one letter!

I think DS2 is just looking forward to my home made Roast potatoes and the pigs in blankets. :)

I reckon with a stocking plus the four gifts, that sounds pretty perfect.

As I said previously, for my children (9 and 5) the stocking is without a doubt their favourite bit! Hilarious really...I usually spend about £25 on about 8 little gifts and they go crazy over it! And then what I consider to be their main gifts don't get a look in!

Despite the fact they don't ask for much my older teens would still be very disapointed without a "pile" and they've said so. However we make a pile by including tins of sweets, bags of popcorn and crisps, trays of cans of cola, tubes of pringles, jars of nutella, a new hoodie, pjs, slippers etc. Plus the things they want :)

As the kids only get two things from their Christmas list from us/Santa, I encourage them to put about 6 things on the list. Then I share the list with grandparents/aunties. That way relatives get to buy something they known the DC will really love, and it limits the total amount of presents.

Plus OP your child is a baby, you can get away with very little for the next couple of years, I'd be prepared to do a bigger christmas for a few years in the peak Santa believing time and then scale back if you want. There is honestly a great feeling when your child gets more than they expected and also the things that they've put on their list to Santa. No small child needs Christmas to be used to teach them a lesson in frugality for no reason.

I found the opposite, the year we went really overboard DS was just really overwhelmed with presents, he got to a point where he didn't want to open any more! Toys weren't played with. It wasn't very joyful.
A handful of really wanted toys works much better for us.
Wrapping 'need' stuff like clothes, bath stuff, plus chocolate means there is still lots of stuff to open.

I've watched relatives children open a gift, glance at it, chuck it to one side, and say with a smirk - next!.....vulger.
3 kids, piles of pressies, awful. No appreciation as kids, still none now as young adults.
It was while watching that present opening (before i had kids) that dh and I decided we would find a way that suited US....and so we did ☺

@constantnc this is what we have witnessed on more than 1 occasion, and why we don't want that type of Christmas for our dc

Again though, that attitude isn't brought on by getting more than 4 gifts. That attitude is brought on by how the child is raised.

I also have a 10 month old and another due in April! Congratulations!
When I was growing up Christmas was a big deal but we didn't get many presents. We got one thing we wanted and other useful things like clothes and pjs and then little stocking fillers like books and tiny toys. It was more about the food and family time - and for me it still is. I don't think it was a rule my parents decided on and they weren't trying to be frugal. But I do remember being confused at how many presents other children got.
I think some people go crazy and get in a lot of debt - and it's just not worth that to me.
I buy stuff for baby all the time and I think that makes more sense than going to totally mental at Christmas. Also if your baby is 10 months like mine - their bday will be fairly close to Christmas too so baby will be inundated with presents anyway.
B
I also think family trips rather than presents is lovely too - but do keep in touch with how they feel about it as they grow up. If they believe in Santa - and they get a few presents and their school pals get a houseful then it might make them feel bad. But that happens to most kids as there will always be some parents who buy the whole of toys r us.

Totally agree gherkin

Mine are just getting one big present from us this year. I like the 4 present idea, very cool.

I've watched relatives children open a gift, glance at it, chuck it to one side, and say with a smirk - next!.....vulger. (sic)

What a horrible and judgey way to view a child. Smirks are very much in the eye of the beholder and often say more about the person seeing a smile as a smirk than the person smiling. In this case the child could be very excited by the presents- think of the adults who make a huge fuss over santa and what gifts a child will get etc- isn’t it a bit mean to then slag off a child for not sitting demurely opening one gift at a time as saying “gosh how delightful, I shall play intently with this for several appropriate moments before moving on gratefully opening my next generous gift”
I mean seriously!?! All this “Christmas is magical for the kids” stuff...surely a child being excited and ripping into their presents keenly and even moving swiftly onto the next one isn’t necessarily a bad thing. A child Will then come back to the gifts and open them and look at them and spend the time playing etc.
It comes down to individual differences... and adults interpreting that as entitled or spoilt says more about the meanness of their spirit than the upbringing of aforementioned child.

That's what I hate most about the rhyme. It gives mean people a justification for their mean-ness.