Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

4 gift rule for xmas - anyone else?

197 replies

xhannahx · 19/10/2017 21:00

This year will be dh and I first as a family of 3, DD will be 10 months old. We also have another baby on the way due in April.

We have spent a fair amount of time recently discussing our feelings towards gift giving at Christmas and birthdays.

Dh and I have been a couple for nearly 11 years, and have never bought each other gifts at Christmas or birthdays, neither of us feel them to be necessary, we just like to enjoy each other's company and will often plan a short trip, nice meal etc instead.

I would like our children to grow up valuing time with family and friends on special occasions, rather than viewing them as a time they are bombarded with gifts, and therefore we are thinking about adopting the 4 gift rule:
Something they want
Something they need
Something to wear
Something to read

I don't want to completely deprive them of gifts at Xmas, but find the excess a little obnoxious and it has never sat right with me.

My question is, has anyone else chosen this route? How has it worked out?

If you do do this, how do you deal with other family members? Do you ask for no gifts, 1 gift...really not sure how to approach the topic fairly for all parties but feel very strongly that Xmas should not be a time for excessive gift giving.

Thanks!

OP posts:
thenewaveragebear1983 · 20/10/2017 07:17

I sort of understand it. But there isn't much in the world more amazing than scurrying down on Christmas morning and seeing your children's faces when they see a big pile of presents. The trick is to buy sensibly, don't buy tat of bits just to open. Buy things they will genuinely like and enjoy- my older 2 are still using and playing with last year's toys, they genuinely wanted them. Little ds age 2 (now) only had 2 things last year as he was so little so I can understand it when they're young

JingsMahBucket · 20/10/2017 07:18

I think this is a lovely idea. Posters seem to be getting defensive because they may think they're being judged for giving their kids more. Oh well.

@xhannahx I think another poster's method of asking relations to purchase experiences instead of objects is a great idea. It can vary from year to year if need be by having relatives purchase particular physical gifts if the occasion seems fit. Ex: theme park passes one year then a dollhouse the next year.

Well done on your approach. Have fun :)

Original poster
xhannahx · 20/10/2017 07:32

@jings thank you!

OP posts:
overmybreadbody · 20/10/2017 07:34

This sounds terrible! Shock
Fairly festive though with Scrooge semantics

Original poster
xhannahx · 20/10/2017 07:37

@overmy how is this terrible? Talk about first world problems...poor child only gets 4 gifts, what has happened to the world!

OP posts:
overmybreadbody · 20/10/2017 07:41

The "rule" and how the poem makes it feel justified.
I think it's a little crass really, how it's so formulaic.

There's no surprise element, of one big one or lots of little openers.

I LOVE Christmas and spend months preparing (not that you don't). I just would never role out a process for such a magical time.

MaitlandGirl · 20/10/2017 07:43

We do this (our kids are 16-21) and have done for the past few years. It’s great, it really focuses our ideas of what to buy them and makes shopping so much easier.

For adults (each other and inlaws) we go for “quantity over quality” and have loads of fun trying to buy the most random for less than $60 per person. Last year FIL opened 15 individually wrapped fishing lures!!

If you’ve got plenty of time on your hands and enjoy internet / bargain shopping the ‘4 present’ idea is great. Not so much if you’re restricted to using physical shops and don’t have much time.

jings · 20/10/2017 08:03

I have an autistic son and while we have some massive challenges, he is also a delight and has taught us to rethink Christmas! He doesn't like new things so is not motivated to unwrap a present when he doesn't know what's inside. If he did open anything that was new he would just throw it across the room! We used to be upset and his sister used to chase him around the house offering chocolate if he opened one present! Now we wrap up some familiar old toys - leaving a bit showing or in Christmas sellophane - which he finds funny! We do sneak a couple of new things in there but out of all the packaging and ready to go. And we buy much less. He also has spaghetti hoops for Christmas dinner which is his favourite so why not?!

Anyway - slightly at a tangent to original post but we do have to resist the massive marketing that drenches us in guilt. It took me several years to work out that it was ok to do it differently and now we all have fun!

Original poster
xhannahx · 20/10/2017 08:07

@jings your approach to Christmas is beautiful :) I'm sure your children are very much looking forward to christmas :)

OP posts:
Didiusfalco · 20/10/2017 08:17

This sounds a bit puritanical and joyless. You don’t have to decide between family time and presents either. Your children need toys to learn through play, one a year isn’t going to cut it, they change and develop so quickly.
Look, I’m not a fan of tat either but I think it’s much better to apply a bit of common sense than find a rule you need to stick to.

Didiusfalco · 20/10/2017 08:19

Yes Jinks is meeting the needs of her child and not sticking to unnecessary rules - sounds perfect!

Original poster
xhannahx · 20/10/2017 08:20

@didiusfalco I think people are starting to take this all very literally and not applying any common sense! Whilst she is a baby of COURSE she has more than one toy to play with, they are a necessity to her development. We are talking about excessive gifts all given on 1 day.

If all those who do chose lots of gifts on Christmas are trying to tell me that they do not buy a single other thing for their child at any other time I think you might all be being a bit dishonest with yourselves!

OP posts:
redexpat · 20/10/2017 08:25

Do you not think the people on this board have been thinking about their families when choosing gifts. There are plenty of posts about thoughtless gifts. Plenty. Not everyone does!

Oncewaswho · 20/10/2017 08:34

I think the rule is a bit joyless and worthy too. We don't go overboard with presents, or buying toys, books etc throughout the year, but there are no rules, we buy as we think is appropriate. Sometimes that includes functional gifts such as duvet covers. I used to feel alarmed at the piles of presents given by grandparents too, but then I realised just how much joy present buying was giving my parents and ILs and am glad I never asked them to stop, it's only for a very few years in the scheme of things. We have found the DCs self-regulate anyway and choose what to use. If there is too much to use immediately some gets put away, brought out later in the year, maybe given to a charity shop. They really don't understand Christmas and birthdays in their first couple of years anyway so no need to buy anything much.

wannabestressfree · 20/10/2017 08:34

You should do what makes you comfortable. I agree with posters who have said it can be rather formulaic but as long as other members of the family can do as they wish I don’t see the issue. It’s your family time so you can do as you wish surely :)
We don’t have hard and fast rules. I make stockings for anyone there on the day (can be up to 20) and buy bits all year round. All children (6) get a main gift and a few little bits, same for any adults there. We also plan a few bits to do especially now they are older.
I love Christmas though :)

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 20/10/2017 08:35

DD gets a max of 3 gifts from us. She doesn't need more.

Original poster
xhannahx · 20/10/2017 08:37

@wannabeststressfree I love Christmas too, and want my children to also...I don't see why this has to equal: lots of presents = children enjoy Christmas.

OP posts:
moaningmummyoftwo · 20/10/2017 08:41

We are doing this for my 2 DC (3 and nearly 1) this year. Only exception being they will have an additional gift which is one to share.

The book will be personalised this year and is a story about their name. They will get new dressing gowns each, which will likely also be personalised.

They don't actually ask me for anything at their ages, and tbh they have more toys than they would play with anyway Hmm. Can't see the need to get more toys to clutter my living room. I do treat them through the year though, as does DM.

It's very easy to go OTT at Christmas, I would much rather spend the time together and that's the main focus of Christmas for us.

I remember as a kid DM used to have me write my Christmas list from the Argos catalogue with product codes next to it. I didn't want or need half of the stuff I got.

NHSparent · 20/10/2017 08:42

Do you buy toys and books throughout the year too OP?

Mine have a good pile of stuff (which typically includes those categories you have mentioned eg new trainers, new school bag, PJs, cinema tickets) but throughout the year they don't get any toys unless its their birthday and so what they get on Christmas or birthdays lasts them. Books are also Christmas and birthdays only but we go to the library every week.

constantnc · 20/10/2017 08:44

I dont find it joyless...neither do my kids - though we dont stick to it strictly as we have stockings
Also if you x 6 kids by 4 thats 24 gifts just from parents on xmas day...
Add in gifts from grandparents, the excitement of envelopes with gift cards from other relatives, the little teachers gifts (chocolate coins) that come home from school....godparent gifts....etc etc
Thats a lot of presents coming into our home - and a good reason we try really hard to buy 4 each!
Our house looks like toys are us as it is - without me adding to it! .....but believe me there is nothing joyless about our Christmas!

stargirl1701 · 20/10/2017 08:45

Yes we have done this for our DC for 5 years now. It works really well. We do a gift and stocking from FC then the 4 rule from us. Luckily, the GPs are reasonable and generally only put money in bank accounts plus a wee thing - MIL knits a jumper/cardi every year.

We don't buy toys outside of Christmas and Birthdays but do buy books. The 'read' in the gift is usually a Folio edition book so quite special compared the normal books we buy in the year.

Original poster
xhannahx · 20/10/2017 08:46

@nhsparent right now yes she does get toys throughout the year, but she is currently 8 months old.

When they are older then things may change, although I'm sure all those that "don't buy anything at all" are slightly exaggerating. Good behaviour, hard work at school...yes, this will probably be a time they will be rewarded with a gift.

OP posts:
NHSparent · 20/10/2017 08:46

And four gifts which comprise a book, a pen, a game and a pair of socks is clearly going to be completely different to four gifts which comprise a box set of books, an iphone, a PS4 and a designer jacket.

NHSparent · 20/10/2017 08:48

Honestly we don't buy any toys throughout the year. Ever. Christmas and birthdays only and they have plenty.

Good behaviour is expected not rewarded with a gift...

Original poster
xhannahx · 20/10/2017 08:48

@moaningmummyoftwo...there will be 14 months between mine so as they get older I love the idea of "one to share"...will definitely be adding this :).

So don't panic everyone...my poor deprived children will now get 4.5 presents each!

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread