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Christmas

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Original poster

Splitting up from husband a week before Christmas, no money for gifts for dd14

129 replies

Kazzawazzawo0 · 22/11/2015 19:18

My husband and I are separating, I'll be moving out a week before Christmas. Money will be very tight, non existent really.

I have no idea how to make this Christmas special for my daughter ages 14. All her wishes are high tech and expensive. I'm used to buying on eBay and second hand, but don't know where to start. I'll also need a Christmas tree and stuff. It seems impossible Sad

Any suggestions? I'll not have much chance to get to the shops, so mainly shopping online.

OP posts:
Doughnutsandflapjacks33 · 22/11/2015 19:26

So sorry about the split, it's hard enough any time of the year but I can imagine it being even harder at Christmas. Does your Dd know what's about to happen? I am sure she will understand that money will be tight ( my 11 year old was willing to give up Christmas when the cat became ill, luckily I managed to cover the vet bills but she knew money was tight ). I'm sure you can make Christmas special without spending a fortune, obviously it's going to be very different for both of you this year. This is my first Christmas with dh and my dd's understand that they won't be getting as much as they usually get.

Maybe if you tell us roughly what area you are in there might be some one who has some spare decorations or a tree.

TheoriginalLEM · 22/11/2015 19:31

Flowers that is tough :( Will her father buy her the techie stuff? extended family you can ask?

She is 14 and whilst it is sad that this might be a slightly austere Christmas she is old enough to understand that the circumstances are unusual so she may surprise you and maybe promise her something more substantial for her birthday.

Pound shop for deccies - does she like crafty stuff? can you make some deccies together? A trip out to the woods, some branches off an established tree? spray silver (or not) hang deccies from here? Would actually be better than a cheapo artificial tree? Charity shops are great for deccies about now.

I hate this part of Christmas where people are pressured into buying expensive stuff for people and feel a failure when they can't do it. Like its subnormal or something. Yes its tough but you just have to look for perspective. Not easy when every advert is about buy buy buy.

Elfontheshelfiswatchingyou · 22/11/2015 19:36

Sorry you're having a shitty time, but it will pass and things will get better.
Flowers

Have a look on local FB sites for tree/decs. I've seen a few on my local page quite cheap where people are getting new.

Enjoy quality time, bake together, make decorations for your new home together, memories and quality time far outweigh expensive techie gifts.

PresidentUnderwood · 22/11/2015 19:40

Pound land do have some great decorations in at the moment and if you spend £12 you get £2 voucher off next shop. You could make her up a little pamper basket from there with nail bits, few chocs and hair masque?
I'd agree that Facebook / free cycle is good for bargains. You'd be surprised how many people have artificial trees in their loft - including me. Let us know rough area your in and see if we can help.
I split with STBXH this year and can assure you all kids want is attention and hugs Flowers

Aoifebell · 22/11/2015 19:42

My mum got a tree and lights from StreetBank last week. You could try there, I always find StreetBank miles better than freecycle but that's worth a punt too.

Davros · 22/11/2015 20:14

I was going to say Streetbank too [santa]

purplewhale · 22/11/2015 20:17

I have a spare tree, lots of people do. You're welcome to mine if you're nearby

Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 22/11/2015 21:24

Thanks everyone. I've not heard of Streetbank, I'll have a look.

We don't have a lot of family and her father has no money either.

I can't afford to take something from our marital home. He wants me to pay him for everything I take and I also can't afford a van. I'll take our clothes etc in the car but no furniture or Christmas tree Sad

I'm moving to Newport Wales. I'm worried really because we'll have barely any furniture, let alone a Christmas tree, everything will be in boxes .. And I don't know what to get her for Christmas!

Yes, I'll look in Poundland and try and pick up some cheap things. We usually do bake for Christmas and make garlands to hang up.

OP posts:
Makemineacabsauv · 22/11/2015 21:35

That's really shitty of him to want you to pay for things from your home!! Especially as it is for your dd. do you have beds, seats, fridge, TV etc? Another alternative is to volunteer to help in a shelter or something this year so you're both involved in helping people. Your dd is old enough for this. It would certainly help prevent comparisons being made between previous years and this year. If you were nearer I've got stuff I could have given you. Between now and date of leaving could you quietly start squirrelling things away (eg go to tesco with joint card, buy a couple of things but bung on £50 cash back) - do that once a week and you '"" have a nest egg he doesn't know about. You could also make decorations from salt dough etc. or buy your dd something affordable from Very on the interest free buy now pay later or 3 payments interest free then make sure you pay it up. But some silver or gold spray paint and spray branches to make some sort of festive 'tree' and buy 99p led lights. Hope you and your dd manage to have a decent time. Be kind to yourselves x

Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 22/11/2015 21:40

Thank you. He says he has no money, so needs me to pay him for everything I take. Sadly I have no money too, but my mum is lending me enough to pay bond and first months rent.

I can't afford to take something from here, so will have to buy things a bit at a time, starting with beds. A friend hopefully has a sofa she is getting rid of that I can have. I can dismantle my dining table and fit it in the car I think with a couple of folding chairs. I can take clothes and books in the car.

Transporting anything I take with me is going to be the main problem, my car is only a 12 year old corsa, so not lots of room.

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 22/11/2015 21:44

Surely you are entitled to take half of the stuff without paying him

AtSea1979 · 22/11/2015 21:45

Also breaking up a week before Xmas seems very bad timing, is there no way you can wait until new year for DD sake?

Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 22/11/2015 21:46

Forgot to say, my mum has a spare tv she doesn't use that we can have. There's a spare DVD player in the garage that I'll hide in the car even my husband is at work, he doesn't use it anyway, because it's not hd.

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 22/11/2015 21:47

Have you had any legal advice as that all sounds like a load of bollocks from him, sorry.

Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 22/11/2015 21:48

I guess I am entitled to half the stuff, it's all stuff we've accumulated during our marriage, but he'll be extremely unpleasant about it anyway.

I'm moving a week before Christmas because that's when our house sale will complete and because I want dd to start her new school at the start of a new term.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 22/11/2015 21:50

I've been to CAB, but even if I could have stuff and yes I could argue about it, although I'm trying to keep that to a minimum at the moment for our daughters sake, I still can't afford to transport anything. I can't drive a van and I can't afford a company.

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 22/11/2015 21:51

Agree with getting legal advice pronto. You should be entitled to half of everything...

Good luck.

GloriaHotcakes · 22/11/2015 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Penguito · 22/11/2015 22:03

Seen this and thought it may help

Splitting up from husband a week before Christmas, no money for gifts for dd14
NappyValleyHippyCrack · 22/11/2015 22:04

You can drive a van up to 3.5 tonnes (so a normal transit) on a car license.
Take what you can.

Mintyy · 22/11/2015 22:08

Your daughter is 14, she is plenty old enough to understand that you don't have money for expensive gifts this year.

You seem to have strange priorities.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 22/11/2015 22:09

Why can't you drive a van?
Van hire can be surprisingly inexpensive. Don't let him rip you off. Take what you are entitled to.
This is really bad advice but in your position I would get an Argos card or a little woods account and get some presents on tick to pay over the next few months.

TheoriginalLEM · 22/11/2015 22:12

Mintyy, thats not fair. The OP is trying to give her DD as decent Christmas as she can and keep the disruption and upset to a minimum. Totally understandable.

Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 22/11/2015 22:15

I don't want to buy things on credit I may not be able to pay off.

I've only recently started driving again and don't feel I could handle a transit van plus I only drive automatic.

OP posts:
Glassofwineneeded · 22/11/2015 22:42

I would sit down with your daughter and explain that things will be different now. That way she will not be disappointed on Christmas day.
Do you have any friends who could help you by driving a small van?
And thinking of friends, do you have any that could donate a tree or decorations?
On Christmas day itself start new traditions. Just the 2 of you. Have a pamper day with bits and Pieces from the pound shop, face masks etc. watch a dvd on the DVD player you are planning to take!
This will be a very strange Christmas for the both of you. It's ok to feel sad about that.
I really hope you get on ok.