Splitting up from husband a week before Christmas, no money for gifts for dd14

[Kazzawazzawo0]

My husband and I are separating, I'll be moving out a week before Christmas. Money will be very tight, non existent really.

I have no idea how to make this Christmas special for my daughter ages 14. All her wishes are high tech and expensive. I'm used to buying on eBay and second hand, but don't know where to start. I'll also need a Christmas tree and stuff. It seems impossible

Any suggestions? I'll not have much chance to get to the shops, so mainly shopping online.

If you have a wilkos near you, they have lots of cheap and cheerful Xmas gifts suitable for your daughter, and they do lovely Xmas decs too at a decent price.
If you have the time, lots of shops have bargains at this time of year. But, definately talk to your daughter and explain. This year will be tough but will be worth it in the long run xx

www.wilko.com/invt/0418877
I would have loved this as a 14 year old :)

You will he surprised just how much you can fit in a corsa. I managed to squish a double mattress into a micra. I think if I were you I would try and fit as much of dds stuff in as possible and make a few trips.

I helped a friend do a moonlight flit from her husband with her teenage child one day. She roped in some helpful friends to drive a van and help move furniture and a bunch of other folk to help her pack boxes of possessions and load up / load up their own cars. Her shit of a husband went off to work totally unawares and came home to a half empty house and a note on the table. She took what she was due and left him with more than enough possessions and furniture to furnish his own place.

We hired a van for the day. First time I'd ever driven one and I'd had a licence for about a year. They are so slow it's actually quite easy.

Unless you have a lot of spare cash then you need to be more realistic about what you need to take with you. At a minimum your daughters bed and any furniture that she has. She will settle much faster if she can set up in a new room with familiar things around her.

How far are you moving? 50 miles or 300?

In your shoes this is what I would do.
Hire a van - and fill it.
Fill your car and park it at your neighbours assuming you want to avoid unpleasantness. If you are leaving it overnight, you will need to leave visible contents inside your friends house.
Drive van to Newport with your daughter and unload, return home the same day if possible. If you can schedule it, also use the van to pick up any large items that have been promised to you locally that won't fit in your car. If not then get set up and camp on the first night, return van on Day 2, collect your car and say Sayonara to your old life.

I have no family or friends who can help with driving/transporting furniture. It would be just me and my daughter, I can't really carry heavy items for health reasons and I just don't think I could manage to load a van or car with furniture.

My plan was to buy beds and a fridge with money borrowed from my mum and get everything else gradually, mainly second hand.

I'm moving quite a distance, three hours drive.

Hi all - as usual, we do like to advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're sorry for hijacking your thread Kazzawazzawoo0 and we wish you all the best

OP I have worked closely with ravenhouse before, they are in Newport and will help ANYONE who comes to them, in any way they can. They sell cheap furniture and will be able to direct you to food bank etc as necessary.

Please please do think and research where the house equity is going though - if the debts are not joint and you won't be chased (I know NOTHING about the legalities of this, hopefully someone can help) then don't use your part of the house equity to pay your STBXH's debt.

Thank you for the link to Raven House, I'll keep that for future reference.

Sorry MN, I'm not looking for handouts, I was just hoping for suggestions of gifts for Dr.

... gifts for dd!

I guess the debts are in a way joint, the credit cards were in his name, but I suppose the money was spent on things for the family, so I feel it's only fair they are repaid from the equity from the house. I'm not being a pushover, I'm trying to be fair. Yes, he was lazy and couldn't hold down a job, but I was doing low paid work that didn't cover the bills either.

At the end of the day I'm not sure it's going to be physically possible to take furniture with me for reasons stated above, but I will have everything else to make it a nice home for my daughter and at least I am in a position to borrow a little money from my mum for beds.

Sorry if this isn't desperately helpful but if you could switch bank account - I sort out the finances for a friend - we switched their account to First direct and I've seen that the bank has already paid in the £150 welcome bonus and the accounts only been open a few weeks. Would be a nice chunk to cover presents & decorations easily.

Thanks for the tip. I think that only works with certain bank accounts and due to my credit rating after the debt I wouldn't stand a chance of applying for one I think.

You have to have a regular salary payment to go into a FirstDirect account, I think - a good option if this would work for you, OP, but not a possibility for everyone.

Just make sure, OP, that once you split, you remove yourself from any further liability for any other debts that your ex may rack up - as you will still be married. Close down any joint overdrafts etc?

Do you have any Tesco or Nectar card vouchers or points? They go a long way in certain outlets.
If you have Tesco vouchers would your DD like a Hudl?

Go for quality time in your new home - is your dd happy to be making this move? Make mince pies together, put on some Christmas CDs, watch a funny DVD together. Will you be spending Christmas Day with your Mum?

What gadgets has she already bot? Phone? What about some blue-tooth speakers to go with it? Has she got a smart phone or a phone she can store music on? If not what about an iPod Shuffle, which are not wildly expensive, and are quite cute. here. But really for techy stuff you need to know exactly what they want! Headphones for her phone? (but ask her).

I'm self employed, so no regular income.

Yes I'll try and sort that out, although suspect the bank won't remove me as the account is overdrawn.

Dd has an iPod shuffle. I know she'd like a new phone, her iPhone 4s is old and broken, but she'd like a newer iPhone, so that's not an option. She bought herself headphones with birthday money not long ago.

I'll look in the Tesco website to see whether I have enough clubcard points for something she'd like and I'll look at the Hudl.

You can do this. £10 in the pound shop will get a stocking full of silliness,book, socks, a DVD and some choc coins etc . Food bank etc , furniture upcycle type places and gumtree/free cycle ( just don't post adverts like " TV wanted must be 40 inch flat screen" just " TV wanted any sort any size" much more likely to get replies!)

Then sit down with your DD on what furniture you have or on the mattress on the floor and both remember that this Xmas is the start of a new life together where you are both looking after each other and noone to make it unhappy if you don't let them. People are more important than things ( but get your share from the ex too!)

Luckily I'll have a tv - my mum has one she doesn't use anymore

We've no poundshop locally, but I'll go into town at the weekend.

Dd is veggie, so no need for turkey on Christmas day, as long as there's roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, gravy, cheap crackers, she'll be happy We don't need fancy food. Cheap icecream for pud and a home baked cake.

I have pmed you.

Thanks

If your daughter is having a new room, how about stuff to decorate it? Somewhere like Wilkos does throws, cushions, lamps for relatively reasonable sums. She could put her stamp on her new room so it feels like home. Plus these items are bulky and will look nice wrapped under the tree. Tesco/ Sainsburys also have nice house stuff if you have club card/ nectar points. Tiger has good student type stuff at reasonable prices if you have one nearby.

That's a good idea, thanks. I've got a few nectar points and clubcard points I can use for things like that.

A quick update: yesterday I was able to sit down with my husband and talk about our furniture. We have managed to agree on some items I'll take including my daughter's things, a sofa, dining table and chairs and fridge and freezer. That makes things much easier, although I still don't know how to transport them, as I've been speaking to a distant relative who drives (but unfortunately is away when I need help) and he says there's no way I'll fit a sofa and mattress and the other things in the sort of van I could hire.

Boots have some really good discounts on jewellery at the moment. Some things are down to one and two pounds. It's nice stuff too.

We hired a van for our move and got loads of stuff in it - sofa, dining table and 6 chairs, bed and bedside tables, desk, fridge freezer and a big sideboard thingy.

I drove the van (DH wimped out of driving it!) and it was fine.

Thanks Helena, not sure what my relative is talking about then