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Christmas

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Original poster

Splitting up from husband a week before Christmas, no money for gifts for dd14

129 replies

Kazzawazzawo0 · 22/11/2015 19:18

My husband and I are separating, I'll be moving out a week before Christmas. Money will be very tight, non existent really.

I have no idea how to make this Christmas special for my daughter ages 14. All her wishes are high tech and expensive. I'm used to buying on eBay and second hand, but don't know where to start. I'll also need a Christmas tree and stuff. It seems impossible Sad

Any suggestions? I'll not have much chance to get to the shops, so mainly shopping online.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 23/11/2015 07:54

Kaz please take advice and make sure your stuff leaves with you...
What has happened with the money from the house sale?
You must think about the bigger picture for your daughters sake....

ottothedog · 23/11/2015 08:06

How is the house sale working? Your dh is moving out on the same day? Or is he buying off you? Dont move til its actually sold

Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 23/11/2015 08:09

Dh is sticking his head in the sand and not talking about moving. House sale is due to complete before Christmas.

I'm getting some quotes for vans.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 23/11/2015 08:10

Stuff for her new school is a good idea, she needs a new school bag and pencil case. So difficult to choose at this age though Confused

OP posts:
ottothedog · 23/11/2015 08:14

Are you sure the sale will go thro? It will have to be vacant possession. What happens if your dh doesnt move out and sale falls thro?

atticusclaw2 · 23/11/2015 08:17

TBH in your position I would buy a very small gift for your DD and present it to her with love. She's 14 not 5, she's old enough to understand. I know the temptation is to want to shower her with gifts and try to make up for the crappy situation but that's not the right thing for you in your situation.

The stuff does not belong to your DH but if you don't want to take it then that's fine. I'd be scouring freecycle ads. Lots of people will be having a clear out right before Christmas.

Blu · 23/11/2015 08:25

OP, this does sound very difficult. Are you also getting a divorce? There must be some equity in the house and property has risen even if you bought at s high price. Do you know how much the house is selling for and where the money is going? Have you spoken to the solicitor selling the house?

That solicitor won't advise you on divorce but if you are housing your child you will be entitled to more than half of the proceeds from the house.

I do understand that your priority is getting away from this horrible man, and huge congratulations to you far that. Good luck to you and your dd.

But do find a moment to check your rights.

Hawest1 · 23/11/2015 08:31

Oh no I'm so sorry to hear about ur situation. Try sales & wants on fb or even plead to friends & family about ur situation, people can be extremely helpful in times of need, even strangers!! If your daughter is stuff wanting lots of tech stuff why not suggest going shopping for it in the sales instead, that way she may still get what she want & u don't have to fork out too much for it. X

Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 23/11/2015 08:31

Things look good with the sale, our buyers are first time buyers and mortgage offer is through.

Any equity is going on paying off debt accrued through dhs repeated unemployment.

Yes freecycle will be my friend Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 23/11/2015 08:33

I haven't even thought about divorce yet, I just need to get away and start afresh. At some point I will.

OP posts:
ottothedog · 23/11/2015 08:48

Is it joint debt? Why pay it off if not? You could split the equity. So where is he moving to with an entire house full of contents? If he refuses to move, your sale will fall through and you will be left with him in the house. Does he want/need to sell?

Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 23/11/2015 08:56

He needs to sell to pay off the debt and because he can't afford the house.

There is a loan in joint names, the rest is in his name.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kazzawazzawo0 · 23/11/2015 08:57

He doesn't want the contents, he just needs money.

OP posts:
clam · 23/11/2015 09:08

But you need money too! Why do his needs trump yours and your dd's?

ottothedog · 23/11/2015 09:14

Your choice - xmas presents for your dd from the equity, or more money for your dh. Sorry, harsh, but that is what you seem to be choosing

ottothedog · 23/11/2015 09:16

Also use a bit of the money to hire a 'man and van' for the stuff. One of you is going to have to empty the house anyway. You could argue you are saving him the time/effort/expense

ottothedog · 23/11/2015 09:17

Make sure equity doesnt go to joint account

LyndaNotLinda · 23/11/2015 09:28

If he doesn't want the contents, why aren't you taking them? Why are you paying off his debts?

This all sounds crap :(

RB68 · 23/11/2015 09:30

ermmm tell him you are taking half the worth, unless he is going to pay you to keep stuff of course!

Half of it if not more should come to you and your daughter. Just sort it out and find a friend with a garage for a bit then move stuff when you go - man and van are cheap and cheerful and will help with moving stuff. If necessary make lists of what he keeps and what you do for later. Make sure you sort out the finances as much as possible before leaving and that the joint debt is paid off. Even if it is in his name you can have rights to it if you were married. Stuff what he says he is not being fair to you or DD

PastaLaFeasta · 23/11/2015 09:34

It's sounds very unfair but I can understand not wanting to fight for it. The 14 yr olds I know seem fairly mature and able to understand, even if they think it's unfair too. Be honest with her and turn it into a little bit if an adventure, a challenge to buy cheap and get everything back to normal. Freecycle and eBay helps with furniture, plus councils have furniture banks. Try to do free Christmassy stuff like carol concerts and a church service like midnight mass, even if not religious it's nice and they may have support to offer regardless of your belief.

And do try friends for support, they can step up when asked, people often like feeling needed and useful.

Artandco · 23/11/2015 09:42

Theres a lot of free stuff at Xmas also.

I would go to a midnight mass locally to your new home, maybe meet a few locals and xmassy vibe ( we aren't religious but often go to Xmas eve church at midnight)

Fill flask with hot chocolate and go for a xmas day walk

Gather pine cones/ holly/ branches to make home Christmassy.

Get her a new dvd in stocking. Can watch over Christmas together. Many are £3.

P1nkP0ppy · 23/11/2015 09:43

Stand up to him, he's being ridiculous. It doesn't need to be a fight just tell him you're taking what's yours, stuff you've paid for etc.
He's said he doesn't what the contents.

Stuff him wanting money, who the hell does he think he is, dictating you have to pay for what you take, utterly farcical.

ohtheholidays · 23/11/2015 09:58

As the resident parent you will have more rights than your husband when it comes to your DD.

If he ever wants to sort out custody with you then he needs to stop being an arse now because I can tell you for sure that if this gets bought up in court that he made you leave with nothing and tried to charge you for anything you did take it would not look good for him.He would be the main factor in your child having to live in a home that isn't properly furnished.

This could equate to your husband being accused of causing neglect towards your daughter.I've seen it happen a few times in the past,twice it was fathers that were help responsible(doing similar to your husband)and once it was a mother(did the same to her sons)and her husband was the resident parent.

Do you have any family or friends that would help you remove stuff from the house(on the day your leaving whilst he's at work)and would be able to drive it down for you or store it until you can collect it?

With presents for your DD,have a look in places like 99p shop,poundland,poundworld they all usually have lovely stationary,bath stuff,make-up,cute socks,hats and gloves,scarfs,sweets(some even stock the American sweets now which usually cost a fortune)jewellery and jewellery holders.

We bought lots of jewellery this year as part of DD12 birthday presents from Poundland and lots of it I'd seen in other shops for between £6 and £10 per item.The websites don't usually show half of what they have instore so it's well worth popping into the shops.

The works is another good store and B and M and Home Bargains.

Have a look online try asking for what you need on FB also look on Ebay,Preloved,Freeads,Freecycle,local charity shops.

I bet you'll find alot of the stuff you want and your either get it for free or really cheap.

If your going to struggle for food find out where you local foodbank is they can be a godsend when your struggling for money and have a child especially at Christmas.

ohtheholidays · 23/11/2015 09:59

Forgot to say the 99p shops and pound shops have loads of DVD's,CD's and books as well and they also sell things like headphones.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 23/11/2015 10:08

99p shops are good for beauty things as well...hand lotion, bubble bath, makeupy things.

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