Sister in law (on a good salary) has just said she won't be buying gifts...

[Comfortzone]

...for me & DH - just for our 3 DCs as xmas is 'ridiculously expensive'.

She's discussed this also with other sister in law (also on good salary with 2 dcs) and she texted to say they have both wanted to ask can we all just buy for the (5) children this year.

I've said fine by us but I'm baffled.

I thought xmas was the time when you prioritise who gets gifts, usually making family members come first then friends etc next.

A candle costs 4quid or a pen or a nail polish.

I'm not expecting big expensive gifts from them, I've never dictated what they should spend on my DCs, who are usually delighted with colouring books or simple games, but neither was I expecting an abrupt text in October telling me by the way I won't be buying you or DH a present this year.

Just seems really cold.

Or am I over reacting? Feeling really pissed off with her actually.

YABU. Frankly you sound like hard work. We buy just for the grandparents (as they buy for me and my siblings, our spouses and our children), and then the children only.

We buy:
SIL/BIL
PIL
1 grandma
Each other

Nothing big. Rule is no more than £15 (not me and DH to each othet)

This year we have DS - will be almost 1, birthday on 30th Dec.
We have said to just get him something small. He would be happy with a box, some wrapping paper and a rattle. He has no idea really. Today he has occupied himself for an hour with DH's keys.

I find Christmas incredibly wasteful and expensive.

comfort it seems we all have one of these, a rich sil who doesnt like buying, your lucky she has said she will buy for the dc, I have two sils on my side and one on DH they must both be earning close too if not over a hundred grand NEITHER have dc.

They are the tightest meanest people. I can't bear to be around them at xmas, they drain the joy for me.

sorry didn't add neither buy for the dc either. Not even a cheap pocket money toy. I care not one jot about myself and it means dh doesnt have to buy for her, he is not keen on her.

but for the dc...

they get cuddles, and lots of joy from my dc, dc do bring joy to xmas, and fun with stilted up tight adults.

yet what do my dc get...

comfort it seems we all have one of these, a rich sil who doesnt like buying, your lucky she has said she will buy for the dc, I have two sils on my side and one on DH they must both be earning close too if not over a hundred grand NEITHER have dc.

We all know people who think they should be bought presents and come accross as needy and grabby

What they earn is actually none of your business nor is the whether or not they have children.

Maybe they don't want to buy you presents due to tour attitude!

They don't know what my attitude is.

They know I do turn up with hand made cookies for them, to eat and with holes and ribbons in made by the dc for their tree.

I turn up with gifts for them, small but thoughtful!

I got a freebie book they got with a new kitchen last year!

I am very happy to not have gifts actually, but I think its horrible to not buy anything for the dc in your life, if you spend time with them, enjoy them, but you don't actually like them enough to dig out a tenner for xmas?

Horrible. Miserly.

What they earn is actually none of your business nor is the whether or not they have children

This is very much my business as my dc bring joy to their xmas otherwise they sit alone and miserable.

SIL doesn't like buying her DH gifts either. So my dc bring another focus to their day and brighten it up.

But, not this year! I have learned my lesson, spending xmas with people who do not like to celebrate it, and find it hard to reach into their wallet to buy a single thing for it, are people I do not wish to share the day with.

Their bank statement can give them joy!

*Their bank statement can give them joy!

You sound quite bitter and resentful towards how much money they have.

The amount of money they have actually has nothing at all to do with you, Christmas or not nor has whether they buy each other presents.

Poncetastic, handmade or DC made gifts are thoughtful and time consuming and NOT a token or small gift at all! many of us who don't wish to buy for adults don't want to prioritise time for that either.

I don't see the problem with it. My brother (until this year) and my sil (husband sister) had no kids. I always told them not to buy for us because they have no kids, it's not very fair them having to buy for five of us and getting one present back plus they both have very professional jobs and not much spare time to do loads of shopping. We still buy for them a good gift as they have no kids. My brother would still buy us like a bottle of alcohol.

I don't think no gifts makes Christmas 'sterile' at all. I'm an adult and Christmas for me is about spending time with my loved ones and watching the kids open their presents and have a good time.

Also maybe she didn't really like the presents she was getting and so deided the easiest thing to do would be to stop present giving because it's essentially a waste of money if the gifts not used. Also, for someone without kids I can imagine that possibly their friends who they may spend alot of time with would be their priority to give a gift. She's still giving the kids so say spending sixty quid on your family it just means not giving you and your DH frees up some money for others,which I see no problem with.

Children are not at all essential to my joy at Christmas, and I'd be annoyed if someone patronisingly trotted their kids round as a kindness so that, miserable old spinster though I am, I could bask in their joy and understand the True Meaning of Christmas. Trust me, I will have a bloody good time without help.

We met up with a group of friends just after Christmas two years ago and one person had bought her kids, and one person had unwisely bought presents for those kids. The bickering and sulks over the perceived unequal value of the presents was unreal. I was glad I'd bought them nothing and wished no one had - it'd have been a lovely evening for kids and adults without. They'd had loads of presents already and didn't need any more, and I think that was half the trouble; they're nice kids most of the time.