Dh won't lie about Father Christmas

[lazycow]

That's it really. He says he refuses to lie to ds for something that is purely recreational even in an indirect way and has suggested we say something along the lines of

'Everybody plays a game at Christmas where they pretend Santa Claus exists so we can play too etc..'

I have some sympathy with this view actually as I don't like lying to ds either but this seems to be a bit TOO PC for my liking. I suppose I remember the excitement of waiting for the Santa delivery on Christmas eve and would like ds to have that.

As dh says though a lot of the lying about Father Christmas is because adults enjoy watching the result so in a lot of ways we are lying to our children for our own pleasure.

As ds is only 2 this year I'm sure we can skirt the issue with 'Let's put the stocking up and see if any presents arrive' without mentioning who brings them but next year I think will be different. Although I can see dh's point I can't help feeling disappointed and that somehow ds will miss out.

Does anyone else tell their children that Father Christmas doesn't exist from the beginning and if so do your kids still love Christmas and get excited about it?

I love father christmas, can't cope with being PC, I'm on your side.

People talk about how awful to lie to your kids, but I just cannot see it as some awful lie.

It's pretending. It's magical.

I love Santa!!!!

no we have santa

kids delighted and awestruck

and it means you can trot out that 'santa only comes to children who are good' old chestnut

bah humbug to your old man

this post makes me . DD (4) gets so excited at the thought of santa, swears she can hear the bells ect, loves leaving out the carrot etc. Her brothers were the same (now teenagers). No santa removes some of the magic for kids imo.

You know I can understand where he's coming from on this. DS totally believes in Father Christmas and asks me lots of questions about him so I'm then forced to perpetuate the lie further. I know he will be crushed whenever he finds out that FC isn't real and I'm sure some of that is because he'll realise we lied to him.

Kids love believing in Father xmas. Tell your dh to stop being so scroogish!

What a party-pooper -he's a kid for god's sake!!! My eldest is 8 and still believes which I think is so sweet - I will let him believe until he's old enough to realise the truth himself. Sorry but I don't get it.

I find that point of view really odd. Do any of us remember feeling 'lied to' when we found out it wasn't FC?! I certainly didn't - I look back on it with very fond memories of the excitement, the trying to stay awake to hear the sleigh bells, looking out of the window into the sky to see if he was coming.

What is wrong with fantasy?! Especially when you are a child! It's totally magical and every child deserves to enjoy that imo.

Childhood is short enough adn before you know it they are worrying about weight, spots, homework, exams......

how about "some people believe in santa claus and other people don't .. you decide for yourself"

and other parents will hate him for it too .. especially when your know-it-all 4 or 5 year old is the first one to say 'there's no such thing'

Bloody 'ell. Is he called Ebeneezer? What's the harm in pretending for a little while? Your DS is bound to go to school and spoil it for all the other children (without meaning to of course).

What else too? Will DH say "Oh, that's not Winnie the Pooh it's a man dressed up?" or "There's no such thing as magic - it's all lies and people tricking you"

Miserable bugger [tongue in cheek emoticon]

So what's he going to do when he's at school with all the other kids who believe in father xmas? Be the odd one out and the one noone wants to talk to as he's trying to spoil it. Was your dp left that scarred by finding out santa didn't really exist? Sorry if I sound really flippant but I think its a shame to deprive someone of something fun which I think father xmas is. I remember finding out that santa didn't really exist and it didn't make a blind bit of difference to me. I'd hardly say your going out of your way to lie to your child and harm him in anyway - its just a bit of fun, something for their imagination.

Katie, you'll find when your child gets older they gradually accept that Santa isn't real. My ds (7) still believes but I can see there are doubts. It's a gradual thing. Next year he probably won't believe.

I remember when I found out about Santa, it just seemed to make sense. Not a big deal (was probably about 12!!!!). Still get presents, and even now, aged 37 I still find Christmas magical!!

I wasn't crushed when the dreadful truth was revealed.
Don't think my children will be either.

Ditto Twiglett. God, I'd be f*ckign livid if someone told my 5 year old their parents had told them it was them and FC was a lie.

I wonder how he plans on coping with

1. God ... existence of not?
2. Tooth Fairy
3. Vaccinations / Medicines

you'll miss out on a lot of the joy of raising a child if everythign has to be black and white

What I was trying to say was that it's not as if, aged 6, you take them to one side and say it's all a big lie. Over a few years, there are murmurings at school and then eventually there is no way they want to believe. How uncool!

Kids still love Christmas tho', Santa or not.

But you gotta let them believe as long as they want to!!!

Message withdrawn

When I see a good Father Christmas (you get some really rank ones!!) I actually nearly start crying! That's happened every year since having kids. it's like I can hardly breathe and I want to go and sit on his lap and tell him what I want!!!

also you'll probably come up against the 'Santa only comes if you're good' .. so xxx doesn't have santa? he must be really naughty then

comments

What a shame.

Dd nearly caught me doing my tooth fairy bit last night. She came out about ten minutes later - delighted of course - saying she'd 'seen the tooth fairy' 'Yes, she looked just like Felicity Wishes!' she said

I'm glad this has come up because I feel the same as your dh - although I wouldn't be quite so blunt about it - and we'll be facing this issue soon. I never, ever believed in FC - we did pretend, and I enjoyed it, but I always knew it was my parents really, and a bit of a game, and I was absolutely horrified to find that other kids actually really believed it, even aged 7 or 8! (I'm sure I horrified them too by not believing! - oops - but I didn't know any better.)

I think it really is messing with children's heads to insist that this nonsense is real at the same time as trying to teach them not to lie. I think the best approach is to talk about it in a fun way, and make it obviously as much of a game as possible, and also you can (even at 2) talk about the real St Nicholas who lived a long time ago and gave presents to children and helped poor people, and how we remember him today, or something. Then he can fit in with other kids by joining in the fun, but you won't be actively lying.

I cannot abide it when people actually get aggressive with it and tell their kids they won't get any pressies if they don't believe, or even get cross with them! It seems so awful and cruel, and a good way to crush children's healthily questioning minds.

Magic my arse. Bah humbug!

Last year when we got the shoeboxes to fill, ds1 did ask why Santa didn't bring presents to the children of Africa.

Hmmm. Can't even remember how I answered that one! Anyone got any ideas so I am prepared this time?

Aw snowleopard! They've gotta believe in the Coca Cola Santa! That's the real one, with the black wellies, red suit, white beard!

Anyway, in my experience, the 'be good or you won't get presents' thing only works for, like, 2 minutes, then they continue with their appalling behaviour.

Oooh this could run and run -

Sorry, this thread is really bugging me. Lazycow, you say "I don't like lying to ds...".
What would you say if he was to ask you what rape or incest were, for example? Would you tell him the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Where does your philosophy begin and end? I'm intrigued.