Dh won't lie about Father Christmas

[lazycow]

That's it really. He says he refuses to lie to ds for something that is purely recreational even in an indirect way and has suggested we say something along the lines of

'Everybody plays a game at Christmas where they pretend Santa Claus exists so we can play too etc..'

I have some sympathy with this view actually as I don't like lying to ds either but this seems to be a bit TOO PC for my liking. I suppose I remember the excitement of waiting for the Santa delivery on Christmas eve and would like ds to have that.

As dh says though a lot of the lying about Father Christmas is because adults enjoy watching the result so in a lot of ways we are lying to our children for our own pleasure.

As ds is only 2 this year I'm sure we can skirt the issue with 'Let's put the stocking up and see if any presents arrive' without mentioning who brings them but next year I think will be different. Although I can see dh's point I can't help feeling disappointed and that somehow ds will miss out.

Does anyone else tell their children that Father Christmas doesn't exist from the beginning and if so do your kids still love Christmas and get excited about it?

Or you could tell DH..."well, since we're doing the old refuse to lie thingy....your willy is really small, you've never given me an orgasm and personally I'd sooner glue a dildo to the washing machine & put it on spin cycle"........er.....maybe not was thinking of what I'd like to say to ex-p if I ever saw him to speak to

ok let's be brutally blunt here, the reason your dh doesn't want to tell your ds about fc is because he doesn't want it on his conscience that he's lied to his son, whereas in reality, your ds won't hold it against him, won't be crushed when he finds out, and will enjoy the magic of fc for a few years to come.

I can understand certain things - we haven't told ds about the easter bunny for instance, but fc is such a huge part of christmas that it's impossible to avoid

PMSL @ all Iklboo's hidden memories bubbling up to the surface on this thread

And When the children ask why daddy doesn't believe just say, "I don't know. But I believe, and I think you should too". Kids can cope with ambiguity better than you think.

lmao @ iklboos post.

omg, i must go for a wee!!

Mumsnet is WAY better than therapy & much cheaper

We haven't done Santa at all. Dh first said he didn't want to, and I didn't really understand why - we are both Christian, and dh didn't want to in one breath tell ds1 the christmas story, and in the next say 'and Santa will be coming down the chimney', as one is something we believe in and the other is patently not true.

But as it happened, I'm totally converted. Our children know exactly where the presents come from, BUT (and this is the amazing bit), ds1 has created his own magic - he is a very creative boy and he for the last 3 years has dressed up as Santa, and delivered the presents to everybody! He made a santa suit out of red pyjamas, a beard out of cotton wool (with help obviously, he's only 5 now!), and lots of Ho Ho Hos. Including 'is there a XYZ here? Well I'll just leave his present here till he gets back.'

It's as magical as him believing in a mythical man, and he hasn't spoilt it for anyone at school - if they say 'is santa coming?' he says 'yes', because he IS santa on our Christmas day. I love it! And he has spent all year looking forward to being Santa again.

Cryptmonkey - sorry just realised you asked if dh believed in FC. Yes he says he did but not for very long as he had an older brother who told him the 'truth' quite early.

I also think Christmas was not the big deal in his house that it was in ours so he doesn't get the whole 'magic' thing

Ahh TS how sweet - your ds sounds wonderful

I remember really clearly when I found out santa wasn't real - my gran had bought a bracelet for the stocking. As I opened it she asked if I liked it as she was really pleased to find it at banbury market! I was distraught - not because I'd been lied to, but because she had spoiled the magic...
Santa was such an important part of Christmas - the whole mince pies and carrot stuff - I can't imagine anyone not wanting their child to experience it. If anything I was grateful to my parents for creating the magic - certainly never felt I'd been lied to.

I'm amazed you are all so vehement about it - and I don't quite think that anyone has any grounds to be angry with other parents if this is not a tradition / fairy story they believe in.

My parents were fairly laid back about it, and although i was always beside myself with excitement on Christmas Eve, I always sort of knew that it was a joint pretend game we were all playing. And DS, 5, has already worked it out for himself, although we have upheld the FC fiction. he has asked all sorts of practical questions, and when the answer has been 'by magic' he has said 'but magic isn't rteally true, it's only pretend' - and i have smiled at him.

But I was always told by my mum not to tell other children it wasn't true if they believed it was.

But not all cultures have Father Christmas, so I don't think that you can guarantee that other parents aren't going to tell their 5 year olds to be honest. Ds1 asked us outright, and reluctantly we did tell him as we didn't want him wrong-footed at school. We decided that it was more important for ds to know that we would always give him a straight answer, especially about any half-truths flying around at school.

That said we wouldn't have told him other than in answer to a very straight question. It is lovely when they do get so into it. That said ds1 has totally acted as if he still "believes". We did point out that Santa presents would not appear if ds2 stopped believing!

I agree with your Dh really.

My kids knew from a very early age that it was untue. Didnt stop them having a great Christmas!

Lots of kids are quite scared of FC .

Apparently I complained that my parents had lied to me when I found out that he wasn't for real..

But my mum just said, well we didn't really lie, it was father Christmas, it was your dad... He put the presents in your bedroom etc..

and I was happy with that... well happy that no-one had lied to me, not happy that FC didn't actually exist....

My ds is 12 now and it is sad that it is all over He LOVED it for all those years and certainly doesn't see us as liars!!It is a magical time when your children are little Imagine how innocent they are to believe something as ridiculous as santa but they do and long may it last.Why is he being so pc?There are some parents at ds's school who were like that it was all show imo they just wanted to be different and the majority of us thought they were ridiculous which frankly they were.

How would your DH be on "Some people believe..." which is true because plenty of kids do?

I agree with flack and snowleopard, myself. Although I'm surprised to find all of these kids referred to on this thread who are a couple of years into school and still believe in FC. I didn't by that age (I can't remember ever believing, to be honest... I must ask my mother whether I ever did) nor did any of my siblings, nor did DH or his sisters.

I don't see it as lying either. My ds is 6.5 and he's just wavering this year. I think other children at school more worldly-wise than he is will tell him it's all untrue but he is the sort of imaginative child who WANTS to believe it....I've just said 'you have to make up your own mind' with an enigmantic smile.

He does however realise that the many santas we encounter in the run-up to Christmas are people pretending to be the real one, just for fun.

DD is 4 and still lights up when she talks about him and his reindeer.

I think your DH is being a bit po-faced about it to be honest.

Actually noddyholder I don't think dh is ridiculous at all. He is a great dad trying to do the best he can for a son he loves very much.

He is not trying to prove anything to anyone and he is not just 'trying to be different'. He is trying his best to live his life by the things he believes in. Sometimes that makes him a little serious but if that makes him a figure of ridcule then that doesn't say much about the people doing the ridiculing.

Baaaa Humbug what a sad old sod he is, glad he is not my DH/ Dad

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oh christ jesus yes socci

I always remember the year my friend got a room full of dolls, prams, cookers etc

her parents were divorcing

but I just assumed she had been mega good

still really though

I don't see any harm in it - my eldest has only just stopped believing, and she is 10. She loved the excitement on christmas morning of seeing if he'd 'been', the crumbs on the hearth where he had eaten his biscuits, etc etc. She loved to scatter 'reindeer food' out of her window. She has a vivid imagination and I think her younger sister will have too, she is only just 3 so we haven't got into FC yet with her. My eldest wasn't disappointed, she told me with a shy little smile that she had known for some time it was me and dad but she liked believing in FC. And she likes believing in fairies too, and mermaids, and pretty angels that watch you while you sleep, and lots of other nice things. I simply don't see the harm, it gives her pleasure, and feeds her imagination. When she used to ask me about FC and said that kids at school had said he didn't exist, I said "ah, but can they prove it? No-one has ever seen him, so no-one knows for sure", and she was very happy with that idea. And as for the shoe box queries, I got round that by saying that the poor children didn't get any presents off their mummies and daddies, because they had no money, so that's why we were helping. We have always done a couple of presents with different paper and tags on from us, just to make explanations easier, aswell as the "santa" pile with different wrapping! Christmas eve and morning in our house has always been magical, and that's how it should be.

Yes, we've always made clear to the children that the main presents come from us and relatives. FC only ever brings the stocking presents and it's mostly small stuff.

Lovely post dahlia - your dd sounds delightful.